“come on team let’s really buckle down and give 110%! Yes we just had record profits, but we really need all hands on deck because there’s a new pilot program starting where we now support customers home mortgage accounts and do technical support for Xbox subscribers! Isn’t that exciting??? Yes I know we’re just a home Internet provider but the shareholders have decided we need to try to put 6 other unrelated companies out of business! No, you won’t be getting any extra pay, but we just do it to help the team! Now who’s ready for some unpaid overtime??? GO TEAM!!!”

“We don’t actually like to use the term ‘shareholders’ because they aren’t the only ones who benefit from our companies success. Instead we like to use the more inclusive ‘stakeholders’ because this includes the employees, customers, and everyone who has a stake in the company.” -Cooperate hr bullshit 101.