It was an interesting read. The setup made it seem like it was going to be ‘revolutionary’ structural change, but the outlined rights come across as American liberal, which makes sense as you stated you used the bill of rights as a starter. Not necessarily a critique, just an observation.
A couple quick word choice notes:
You switch between gendered (he/him/his) and ungendered (they/their) a far bit. I’d suggest switching everything to ungendered.
I feel “Mother Earth” is probably targeted at the “spiritual” crowd. You may want to change that to “environment” or something similar for a wider audience.
Please comment – all input welcome
It was an interesting read. The setup made it seem like it was going to be ‘revolutionary’ structural change, but the outlined rights come across as American liberal, which makes sense as you stated you used the bill of rights as a starter. Not necessarily a critique, just an observation.
A couple quick word choice notes: