I agree that you should not send these. Unfortunately, sending these after someone has told you that they do not want further communication with you will likely be seen as doing the behavior this person has expressed makes them uncomfortable.

Sometimes, writing letters and not sending them can be helpful, because it helps us organize our thoughts.

I think if you have to say something, for closure, I would suggest telling her you are sorry and that you will respect her wishes. Maybe things change in the future, but these explanations you are writing aren’t the way. Sorry 😔

In my experience, if someone doesn’t want to be friends anymore, all you can do is move on. Her explanation isn’t an invitation to fix something and try again. It’s just a small attempt at politeness. It may not even be the whole truth. It may even be an attempt at specifically discouraging you from trying again.

Even if you got her to agree to “give you another chance”, what kind of friendship would result from that? You, constantly walking on eggshells to avoid doing something you never realized you were doing? Her, just going through the motions out of guilt for a friendship she tried to end?

Just move on. It’s hard. It’ll stick with you. But just move on.

In this case I agree with others that you probably should not send anything at all.

If you absolutely are going to send something. Less is more. An apology of literally just “I am sorry”, and an offering to them that if they ever want to reconnect that you would be open to it. No explanations, no reasonings, no what ifs/offerings.

Don’t write the letter. She was honest and straightforward with you, communicated her needs, and is asking you to respect that. Your reaction is to violate that space. And not only that, but do it so you can talk about yourself. Don’t do it. Respect the relationship you had, and when you recognize that connection again with someone else in your life, remember what she told you and try to use it for the next friend.

Also, I’m sorry you’re not treated well by other people who are supposed to lift you up. I hope your future is full of great and storied friendships and that you love yourself to pieces. Your friend gave you what sounds like a great example of making boundaries and only engaging in relationships that are mutually satisfying. All thoughts from an internet stranger, just hoping you take good care of yourself. <3

not really sure this is an apology at all.

This is more like a story about how your coach has also criticized your communication skills, but it seems like he did that for different reasons. I think he kind of sucks in that story, because he is literally a coach and should be giving you helpful, actionable feedback instead of the nebulous disapproval. Your friend, is a different situation and I don’t think you should confuse what your coach has said with what your friend has said.

Try to think about why you are apologizing. Is it because you feel bad about the situation? Is it because you want to ‘fix a problem’?

Your friend has expressed to you useful feedback on why they feel like they do, and what you’ve written kind of proves their point a bit.

The last 60% of the message is about yourself. It might feel like you are just explaining yourself but other people perceive that as you defending yourself because you think you were right and shouldn’t have to apologize. Focus on what your friend said, how they might feel and how you are going to try to make them feel more comfortable going forward.