(POST EDIT: TRYING TO MAKE THE SITUATION LESS CONFUSING)

  1. Demigirl part (on my bio) is just my dissociation/emptiness feeling making me not have sense of my own gender;

  2. Yeah, I seem to be bissexual;

  3. This is the fourth school I’ve been on and I’m always bullied. Infact, they managed to get me on a written warning situation just today;

  4. Somehow, I ended with a crush on a girl from my church. I thought I was really bi and got all invested on it (thus the porn);

  5. But then I realized I also have crushes on EVERY. PERSON. that was nice to me and not my friend or relative. Which means my brother’s friends, online friends…;

  6. And now I want help to stop.

    • EnsignWashout@startrek.websiteEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      Liking or loving easily makes a person vulnerable so it feels like a weakness - but the ability (or just tendency) to do vulnerable things is actually a kind of special strength.

      I had a dear friend who said similar to what your posted - how she liked anyone who showed her attention.

      She said it was a weakness.

      But I always saw it as a strength. I always wished - I still do - that I could learn to be more like her, in that aspect.

      I’m too afraid of being hurt, so I hide or suppress my feelings by instinct.

      My friend couldn’t do that, but through that she blessed everyone around her.

      She always worried how it made her look - her close friends could tell how quickly she would grow affection for someone. She thought we looked down on her for it. But we admired her for it.

      Sorry I’m talking in the past tense because she got really sick, and we all still miss her terribly.

      But ways that she impacted my friend group live on.

      I like to think we all make new friends a little easier and show affection to those new friends a little more quickly, because of her love for us.

      • HubertManne@piefed.socialEnglish
        2·
        2 days ago

        yeah I was kinda thinking of some girls I know who were like that. I hope it was not a facade as sometimes people overcompensate but often it was a bit like kylie from firefly.

      • MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        2·
        3 days ago

        I mean liking as in having a crush, a love interest. Can’t have anyone doing the slight thing to me without imagining myself having a date with them.

        • EnsignWashout@startrek.websiteEnglish
          1·
          3 days ago

          Yeah. That reminds me of my friend.

          She was embarrassed about it sometimes, but she was also at the heart of our friend group. I think those are related.

          I think it sometimes, maybe often, made her feel small and vulnerable.

          But she liked people quicker and better than I ever could. And she often did a better job than I could of telling people how she felt.

          She was a warm person trying to fit into a cold culture.

          I think she realized her own warmth was a strength, eventually.

          Now I try my best to let go and feel and show love the ways she did.

          Edit: To be clear - she would crush hard on someone new very quickly. Then she would share it and sometimes get ingored or hurt, or sometimes date for awhile and break-up.

          But whatever happened, if they didn’t turn out to be total assholes, she chose to be an irrepressible friend toward them, afterward.

          She was always self conscious about the whole cycle - but we all admired her.

          We were pretty honest about that, but some people have a hard time accepting compliments.

          I learned a lot about how to be a better friend, from her.

          I wonder sometimes how her eventual husband (now widow) felt about her fan club of exes. I figure he must have been pretty confident - he would have had to be!