A theory dating back more than 100 years suggested that there is an optimal amount of stress for good performance, based on a study that had nothing to do with humans.
Researchers ran mice through a maze, using electric shocks to punish wrong choices. On harder tasks, moderate shocks produced the fastest learning, while stronger shocks made it worse. Over the years, this got reinterpreted into claims about punishment, reward, motivation and stress in humans.
But the original study was about how animals learn to avoid fear and pain, not about optimal learning at all. Once a mouse learns to avoid a shock, escape itself triggers dopamine release; in other words, the escape – not the discovery – is the reward.
Your fifth grader understands that when you say ‘everything will be okay’ that what you are really doing is lying to yourself because you are scared, which I understand but what else is your kid supposed to do except be background anxious about coming expulsions from their way of life that their parents clearly are dangerously ignorant of?
Your child’s response is totally rational
That’s a real stretch to come up with what you wrote from my response. You are leading with what you already thought and wanted to say as opposed to responding.