cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/48324879
I really want to start HRT, but I’m scared I’ll regret not doing sperm freezing first. The problem is it’s expensive and I’m still on my parents’ insurance while I’m in university and coming out to them did not go very well. I’ve already put it off for like 2 years because of this and I’m getting so tired of waiting. I’m also really really worried about losing my hair if I don’t start soon because my family has a history of baldness on both sides
I feel like these are my options:
- Just start HRT and if I really want a non-adopted child I can try pausing and hope that works. Plus adoption is probably ethically a better choice anyway
- Pay out of pocket for a mail order service like Legacy (which I’ve read both good and bad things about). It would be a lot of money but I could pay for it. I’m just worried they might not be as trustworthy as a local place
- Wait even longer to have the money to pay for storage at a local bank. People say they tend to be better but the one near me is so much more expensive
- Try to come out to my parents again so I can use insurance. They weren’t like as bad as some people’s experiences when I tried the first time, but all my mom would talk about is complaining about how this will affect her because she claims her “identity is having a son” and she doesn’t want me to “mutilate my body” and my dad wasn’t actively mean but didnt like try to get her to be nice or really say much.
My friend says I should just try to come out to my parents again or just not worry about it but I just really hate conflict and don’t know how to try again and I also get so anxious over everything so I feel like it would be hard to not worry about it.
all i can tell you in terms of concrete advice is that you should absolutely not bet on your parents coming around. if they weren’t supportive the first time it’s extremely unlikely they’ll be more receptive now, and hoping for a miracle at the expense of your own future happiness would be foolish.
Just start HRT and if I really want a non-adopted child I can try pausing and hope that works.
after deliberating for some months this is what i ended up doing. i don’t want kids, even if i did i don’t think i could in good conscience bring kids into the world given it’s current state and probable future trajectory (and also the fact that my genetics are pretty fucked in a variety of ways), and in the unlikely event that this changes at some point in the future and i decide i need to have biological kids the chance of being able to get some sperm out is still reasonably high from what i can tell. ended up costing me my gf of 3 years (turns out she really wanted kids and adoption wasn’t going to cut it) but that relationship was doomed anyway seeing as how i have boobs now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
uh i really get your sentiment, and i would go full-in on estrogen HRT if it wasn’t that it would conflict with a whole lot of other life goals.
the thing with the infertility is really worrying me, and i can’t bring myself to trust a doctor with my sperm, and i just kind of don’t feel comfortable with going on at this point. (it’s not just about that, but this is a big issue that i can see)
what i’ve found for me is a compromise solution: i’ve started taking finasteride a few months ago. it blocks DHT which is the active form of testosterine in the body, so it does block hair loss and does also improve a whole lot of other things, such as skin softness, smell etc; the advantage is that it does not cause infertility, and also it doesn’t cause massive boob growth (mild boob growth is still possible, though).
so basically i’ve postponed the decision to start taking estrogen for undefined X years, and this is just an intermediary solution until i’ve made up my mind in a more permanent way. i think the same strategy would fit your use-case as well.
plus it’s much easier to obtain; you don’t need to go through 2-3 years of hassle to get estrogen through the medical system; skin doctors will prescribe it to you if you just go there once and claim that you have an itching feeling on the scalp and that you’re worried about early scalp hair loss as your parents had. then you go to the pharmacy to buy the pills, one package (of 30 pills) costs about $10 and lasts for 4 months (you split each pill into 1/4 to get the right dosage).
A friend of mine and her wife had a baby last year, and that was only possible because she had delayed things to do freezing. Making the arrangements for freezing is challenging, but in hindsight, it’s what they always wanted, and I’ve never seen them so happy, if a little tired all the time.
I’m not sure where you are, but in my country, adoption is extremely difficult for straight cis couples, and nearly impossible for queer couples. My wife and I probably won’t ever be parents for that reason.
The first gender-affirming care I ever did was finasteride, which predated my therapist green-lighting my HRT by a few years. I was paranoid and confronted hair loss proactively, because in my early twenties, my hair was one of only ways I had control over my gender presentation and I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost my hair.
It’s a big decision, but finasteride or minoxidil can go a long way in counteracting the worst parts of male puberty until you’re able to make a decision. Best wishes with everything!
Having been in a similar position, along with knowing others, I would very much say the “YOLO” approach isn’t worth it. I know people who rushed things, and their inability to have bio kids eats at them quite significantly. As others have suggested, getting on something like finasteride will prevent T from doing further damage to your body, while still giving you that option. You can do both and still come out okay, but relying on your parents being chill is extremely risky.
