I got the date!!! Officially confirmed!!! Bottom surgery October 18th!!! 🥳

I made it to see Postal Service. I tend to have a lot of anxiety and went alone. It’s the small things to keep going.

My week has been one of growth.

Over the past couple of months, my wife and I have been having lots of drama because she’s polyamorous, but I’m innately monogamous (at least thus far).

She has a boyfriend now and it’s been a struggle, but I’ve finally accepted/realized that there’s no actual threat of her leaving (which was the core source of my anxiety and jealousy).

So we’re doing awesome now! We still have sex, snuggle, and generally carry on as normal, just that she also has someone who is satisfying that need to experience new relationships.

So overall, my week is going great

Last week I mentioned I was busy with some identity issues… Well… turns out I’m a girl. Or… at least part of me is. I have no idea anymore and I’m currently too burned out to explore this any further.
I suppose it’s not really a big surprise, considering my online activity here on Lemmy. But still, accepting a truth like this is still… Let’s just say I’m seeing a lot of my 40+ years alive through a new lens and a lot of things fall in place and with it some sad realizations of how I wish I knew these things then.
Oh and you guys are the first to know, so… yay? :)
Sorry if I’m unloading like this, it’s going to be the only coming out I will be doing for a long while. I just felt the urge to say/write it out loud once.

Honestly not great. Depression has been getting the better of me, along with little sleep and what sleep I go have being plagued by nightmares. It’s affecting my work and physical health, so I hope taking tomorrow off for a long weekend will help.

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I’m moving into a studio this coming weekend. I’m mostly excited to have my own space, own kitchen, own bathroom, own internet, etc. But, I’m also nervous since this will be my first time living alone. 🥹

This past week I started to see a new icon beside usernames that I haven’t seen before. It’s a little person with a 🚫. I searched online to find out what it means, and was not able to find any documentation about it. I assumed that it means this person has blocked me.

I came here to beehaw after having several negative experiences on other social media platforms. There’s another website that uses a similar (incomplete) method of blocking. Someone used it to bully me by blocking me and making sure to post everywhere so that I would see the block symbol everywhere I go.

Sure I could just block them right back, and I have been doing so. But in realizing that people I have blocked are aware of me doing so, I feel that blocking ppl on lemmy is not so much a safety feature as I had previously thought.

I’m aware that creating and maintaining a social media platform is a huge undertaking, but I am also annoyed that so many of these devs creating the tools do not seem to care at all about their users’ safety and wellbeing.

Ahhhhh!

I’m in grad school. I need to pass this very difficult (for me class). It feels like it’ll be the end of me. I truly am lost in this class. This is my last required class before I can submit to pass my entrance exams to be in dissertation phase.

My research idea got funded. Now I need to figure out how to execute and hire people that won’t just waste the budget. I’m the first one on my team to win a grant like I did (it’s a big deal: 3 years of funding). So everyone is giving me big kudos. Like… save it for when I get results!

Good problems I think. But my stress level is at the max and I feel like I’m drowning with more and more responsibilities keep me from swimming ashore.

I think I need to start reading books again.

I’m okay. I’m depressed, still but I’m doing my best to overcome it.

I started writing a book myself. Well, my fourth one. Another poetry memoir of my life because I seem to have so many stories to tell. It’s about the five stages of grief. In my case, that grief was from a long-term relationship that lasted almost 9 years.

It was inspired by a series of poems I wrote under the same name (it’s on Hello Poetry – it’s named like this: 'the five stages of grief: depression).

When I wrote the other 3 books, which revolved around my fall from meth addiction, it helped me heal in a way.

So that’s why I begun work on my fourth book, in hopes of healing again, and writing it so others can heal, too.

Dealing with medical issues from massive pelvic surgery I had years ago to help resolve some of my intersex related genetic issues. It’s a problem I’ve had for a while but I’m dealing with it so I can get some of my life back.

I’m stressed. Burnt out. I’m not sleeping well, feel exhausted all the time, probably am drinking too much and just constantly feel like a failure.

Pretty good, been spending some time playing games and chatting with this cute trans girl I met on reddit and we’ve started exchanging pics and stuff, which is still something I’m not really used to since I spent most of my childhood and all of my teen years depressed and socially isolated. So it’s been a really refreshing experience that’s boosted my self confidence a lot, especially when she called me cute.

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It’s ok mostly. Having a new choir on a Monday is taking some getting used to as I’m more tired than I used to be on a Tuesday (and that’s without the insomnia). Saw my mum and the dog earlier which was nice and spent the weekend looking after my sister’s animals for her.

Having a one on one meeting with my director tomorrow about the future of part of my role as it’s all changing (again), she’s lovely but I’m still nervous. It feels like I can’t go a month without some change at work and for someone who doesn’t generally cope well with change/has a tough time mentally this time of year it’s definitely testing me. Doing some tough music in both choirs too which is great but it’s not as relaxing when you have to think about it.