I was always very anxious person and this anxiety really helped me to motivate myself to do anything. I would procrastinate, wait for anxiety to kick in and panicking do the thing in 1/10 of time. However after this cbd thing the anxiety no longer kicks in lmao. It is gone for real, I can’t even evoke it if I wanted. And so my career/education took a huge hit.
At first I thought this effect was because of slight amounts of THC “making me lazy”. I imagined that I got a bit addicted to it over the year of everyday full spectrum cbd usage and I got stereotypical “bum” mentality from “weed” 😅
My next step as soon as I noticed that I no longer have drive and motivation and ambition? was to just come clean off it and I did it single day, was a bit irritable and angry for a week but generally not a big deal.
So now I am months after that and I realize that there is more to this. That this anxiety that cbd killed was actually part of my coping with adhd. I mean how else explain that months after quitting I still haven’t regained my “motivation” to finish something before deadline? The anxiety just doesn’t kick in, it is gone.
Idk honestly I must find some other way because I am almost 30 and that also is some sort of deadline hopefully the anxiety kicks at birthday.
I don’t know honestly if I should celebrate my calmness and relaxation or should I curse myself for losing the coping method. I need to find another… somehow.
I guess I don’t miss panic attacks but it is hard to balance it all. Some anxiety is kind of a force that for me was propelling me forward. Now I just want to relax and chill all the timee. Sit there on the patio comfortably with beverage and just take the nature in. That doesn’t work good for me in the long run I feel.
That is honestly a pretty incredible outcome. Cannabinoids only help me control my anxiety, they’ve never gotten rid of it like that. I know what you mean though, I have been hypomanic and feel strongly that I wouldn’t have taken the plunge with my first business without that.
It doesn’t change that it was mental illness though, and I’m better off not being that way. I think you’re probably better off without your anxiety. You talk about pursuing success; a lot of people - mostly in their 30s and up I’ll admit - would class “being able to sit with a beverage and enjoy life regardless of income” as the definition of success.
On the other hand, is your anxiety really gone? Or is it still there, as part of why you procrastinate? If your panic coping mechanism is gone and can’t compensate for procrastination anymore, maybe it’s time to try and figure out why you procrastinate instead of just doing the thing and then getting back to your beverage and chair?
Well I was born fortunate and so my success didn’t come and yet I can enjoy such things. I think we all want to accomplish something in life ultimately, small or big it’s all very personal. My history is so complicated because I am also on HRT right now and I have gender related goals that take a big part of the whole picture. Maybe I underestimate how big. And yet some of these goals will never materialise and I will have to come to terms with some of it.
As much as I would want to look like some girl from instagram. I don’t think this is possible or is even productive to think too much about