I don’t think I can really offer you any useful advice since I have never dealt with this. But I noticed you’re in therapy, that’s great. I couldn’t help but see that you wrote this:
those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love
i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends
I think these 2 statements are contradictory, or at least will prevent you from progressing emotionally while you hold both to be true. I would really recommend that you talk about these 2 things with your therapist.
Building a support network, even online, even with just 1 other person, even with people you don’t feel comfortable telling “everything” to, could really benefit you. But your current relationship style is holding you back from that, which seems like a Catch-22 that a professional might be able to help with.
Please take care, it must be horrible to experience what you’ve described. I imagine that it’s taking a large toll on you physically and emotionally, so try to go easy on yourself.
I don’t think I can really offer you any useful advice since I have never dealt with this. But I noticed you’re in therapy, that’s great. I couldn’t help but see that you wrote this:
I think these 2 statements are contradictory, or at least will prevent you from progressing emotionally while you hold both to be true. I would really recommend that you talk about these 2 things with your therapist.
Building a support network, even online, even with just 1 other person, even with people you don’t feel comfortable telling “everything” to, could really benefit you. But your current relationship style is holding you back from that, which seems like a Catch-22 that a professional might be able to help with.
Please take care, it must be horrible to experience what you’ve described. I imagine that it’s taking a large toll on you physically and emotionally, so try to go easy on yourself.