I kind of ended my relationship with me now ex this year, I’m into another relationship, it was just a lot of shit, poverty, mental illness, other stuff combined, it was absolutely the worst time for when we tried that.
I love the person with whom I am now, it’s nothing related to them, but fuck, Jesus Christ, some times the memories just kill you, it was a lot of years, it was a lot of things, how do I even exist after this? I know I’m not a person who know very well how to get over the past, but this kind of thing just feels like something that will accompany me to my grave.
I’m trying to rationalize the end of my last (and only) relationship as a death of us both. She’s no longer here, and the me she’s loved had also died. It’s not perfect, the memories still haunt me, she’s still in my dreams, I truly loved her. But she’s gone, I can’t return to it even if I’ve wanted. It helps with acceptance, but she’ll always be a part of me and I’ll have to live with that. Like if I’m widowed.