- cross-posted to:
- lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
Could you please remove extremism from the human noosphere?
Unfortunately I can not directly alter the human mind as it’s against the wizard code of ethics :( But I do that on my own and try to do my best to remove ignorance and hate from the minds of people with the power of projecting compassion where possible. If a human is too deep in their own ignorance, then I try to protect others around them to the best of my ability.
We’ll I guess I’ll just have to let the SCP Foundation know that I’ve found a dangerous reality bender. Unless you want to rethink that stance.
I mean… I’m just a jobless dude with a long beard… spare some change? No wizardry or magic hoopity poopitys here sir.
Ok, then put a “truthiness” meter on all media, which can’t be removed. It should not beat around the bush: if something is a lie, it should say “lie!” If someone is lying, it should say “liar!” If someone truly believes something, but are simply wrong or misinformed, it should have a truthiness meter.
It should do this for all news, anything masquerading as news, and televangelists. Fiction presented as fiction without pretense of being fact is exempt.
The meter should resist all attempts at hiding, filtering, and removal. It should apply to all media.
I … uh … did I tell you I can conjure a sandwich? Sandwiches are pretty nice. And takes away the helpless feeling we have when we can’t directly affect the world in the way we would like to.
A sandwich will restore your energy, give you a sense of control (since you choose what your sandwich is made out of) and encourages you to make noise, sign petitions and spread the word about the dangers of mis/disinformation and why someone would want to spread such information.
Conjure your sandwich, then plant the seed of that truthmeter into the minds of people.
A sandwich? That was always an option? Heck, I’ll take the sandwich!
Granted, your next sandwich will be delicious. Knowing this: chew slower, enjoy it!
Thank you, Wizard!
What makes a man turn neutral?
A good ph buffer
I wish my niece wasn’t sick.
I feel like I shouldn’t joke about this one as it might be more than a flu, so I won’t write a joke comment. I sincerely hope that your niece gets better and I wish them strenght to fight biology against all odds. I know that your niece is loved, because you writing this comment means that they are in your thoughts, and that makes me happy.
Love them unconditionally and you will also give them strength to carry on and fight their body or external attacks against the body. The world throws shit at us every chance it gets, but your niece is a strong warrior who has survived until now. Support them, give them love, be there for them so they can build up their strenght when it’s momentarily waining.
Your spells are mighty strong, Mr. Wizard. Thank you.
Can you bring me some of that “existential wonder” feeling, you know, the opposite of existential dread? I’ve been having a bit of a surplus of the latter, if anyone wants any…
Granted, please study this scroll (website): https://www.gapminder.org/
(BEFORE YOU ENTER THAT WEBSITE READ THIS: I know people are incredibly pessimistic about good news on lemmy, but please know that the linked website was created by Hans Rosling (RIP), his family and the foundation they created to carry on his work. Hans Rosling was a swedish physician and an academic who wrote “Factfulness” (that I highly recommend to everyone, even though it was pre-corona pandemic) and who believed in a better world enough to dedicate his life to make it better)
Giant Space Laser that automatically zaps the 100 evilest people in the world each day. Determined by who negatively impacted the quality of life of the most people that day.
Done, but it can’t penetrate a specific magical shield (sunscreen) and it’s eco friendly so it’s a bit slow. Gets faster with time though as the evil people keep doing evil things and unfortunately doesn’t discriminate who it zaps :( wear your magishields (sunscreen)!
Let’s try: I want P=NP
My staff just said P≠NP
could you just make P equal big P please
Request error: P undefined. Generating best approximation … Urination will now take 30 minutes.
Turn me into a girl pleeeeeeease 🥺
This is an impossible task unfortunately as we haven’t been able to find a way to reverse aging with magic despite millenia of dedicated research into magic. You must continue living as an adult/young woman, Lena, or talk to a dark alchemist or a warlock.
I have a second wish, can you make all pedantry vanish?
Gurl, the headline says “one wish”… but I gotchu fam one mo time
Please write BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER permanently into the sky above each continent high enough and large enough to be seen by all. If a continent has a predominant language it can be in that language and if the math and physics work out it could even be by nation or region.
Granted, but sorry about my terrible staff (hand) writing.
Unbend my back pretty please!
I’m sorry today is all about bending, unbendings only on monday and tuesday between 11:11 - 13:23 :(
I wish for another wish
Great, you broke my staff. Happy now?!
I wish upon everyone more cute pet pics in their feed.
Granted, please subscribed to these: !cat@lemmy.world !aww@lemmy.ml !illegallysmolcats@lemmy.world !animals@beehaw.org
I would also like the ability to bend reality to my will
Wizard school was a scam, just become a sorcerer/ess and save your money.
Yeah. They only taught me how to help people install software
Whatever as long as it pays the bills 🧙♂️
Snacks
You have been granted an evening with your favourite drink, snacks, and favourite form of relaxation/entertainment media at home. You may also cancel any plans on short notice tonight without any repercussions or possible damage to your relationships due to cancellations.
Meteor
Granted, pick up from any of our distribution locations world wide: https://tammojan.github.io/meteormap/
Thanks.
Can you just turn up the happy setting on the world a tick or two? Just enough to get everyone to chill the fuck out.
Sadly I can’t alter others directly due to Wizard Code of Ethics… But yeah we as a species should collectively chill the fuck out I agree.
Then I’ll settle for ending all forms of slavery.
I’ll… Erm… Additionally bring muffins with the cookies to the library (work) tomorrow that I promised in a comment below. And double the- no triple the amount!
regulate all social media, tech, telecom companies, video sharing sites and payment processors as public utility
I try to cast spells and curses, but we need unity. For higher powers to regulate them we need to make the high council hear our spells and join our chants (vote in every election).
I cast (my vote) spell in your cause.