Ready to kill myself.
I’m tired of struggling everyday for shit that doesn’t seem to matter in a world that is on fire with people who hate me.
Ready to kill myself.
I’m tired of struggling everyday for shit that doesn’t seem to matter in a world that is on fire with people who hate me.
Ready to jump off of a fucking cliff.
Last week, Roommate loses extraordinary amount of money to a scammer. We ended up behind on rent and were served an eviction notice. Dealing with a rent bank now.
Last week is also my 31st birthday and I end up having a gout flare up. Because you know. That’s fun. I usually have to walk with a cane because of a worthless knee but now I get to add a worthless foot on the other leg so yay.
Couldn’t afford food or medication or really anything. Not as much of a problem at the moment but the stress still exists and having to plan for next month when the same situation is likely going to happen.
This morning I got off the toilet and put pressure on the wrong part of my foot. Instant agony and I shift balance to the other foot but it’s not in a position to support my weight. Grab for something to steady myself and all I grab is the toilet seat which gets part of it ripped off of the toilet. So now I have to buy a fucking toilet seat as well. I am hobbling right now. It takes me 30 seconds to move to the bathroom which is next door to my bedroom. Normally that’s like… 3 seconds. So god knows when i’ll be able to go out and get a toilet seat. So that’s gonna end up with me positioned weirdly for the next week until this dies down.
New chest pain that is not fun and god knows what the fuck is happening there but I can’t see a doctor about it anytime soon. It’s not 911 level of emergency. It’s more of a nagging thing that comes and goes and feels muscular but still.
What is scary is heart has been doing a thing. Beating it’s own samba every now and again.
I wrote myself into a corner with my DnD campaign and now I don’t know what the fuck to do. We have a session tonight which will be finishing up a oneshot from before but still. I don’t know what i’m gonna do and I can’t think straight.
Please someone put me out of my misery.
See this confuses the hell out of me. I’ve NEVER been prevented from using ChatGPT by a queue. It’s always saying that it’s a downside to not paying for it but seems like I just always choose the times that no one is using it.
I’m a DM using ChatGPT to help me build things for my DnD campaign/world and not telling my players. Does that count? I still do most of the heavy lifting but it’s nice to be able to brainstorm and get ideas bounced back. I don’t exactly have friends to do that with.
I’m not going to lie. I had the same issue with the klingons at first. Not over their appearance, funnily enough. I thought it was an interesting take and considering the fact that klingons in TOS just looked like dudes I waved away an alien race looking a bit different. The thing that enraged me was the language. Either the dude who played T’kuvma had no time to practice Klingon or he had a truly terrible false teeth set that made it impossible for him to speak Klingon.
I did completely discount Discovery until Season 2 started and I decided to give it another shot by starting from the top. I’m so very glad I did. I have critiques of all the shows, and I mean OG and Nu, but I still love them all the same. Me being a gay dude and finally getting proper representation in Star Trek does mean that Discovery did get into my good graces very quickly. It’s just nice to see a character that’s like me for a change instead of sitting through the 17 trillionth heterosexual love story.
Honestly the constant removed about ‘NuTrek’ is what makes me avoid Star Trek fans most of the time. I can rattle off episode names, quote the show, cite lines in episodes. Hell, I technically worked on a Trek show. Nothing makes me more embarassed than the incessant removed and whining about how the new stuff isn’t canon or how it supposedly breaks canon or how the writing sucks. People who have legitimate criticisms, voice them as such, but are still polite or at least optimistic? You people are heroes. But the rest of you who just throw stuff at the show and say how it sucks? Fuck y’all. We are getting new Star Trek after the franchise being abandoned for years and your first reaction is to removed and whine.
Hell yes it’s all canon. Hell yes the animation is amazing. I have a UFP flag on my wall and I’m proud of it.
Oh I know. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so depressing to bother to keep going. If those who are supposed to help and protect decide not to then whats the point?
The world wouldn’t notice if I died. No, the world isn’t better with me here. Especially when I’m not a good person.
I’ve been trying. For years. There isn’t any left. Sometimes I think I’m only alive because I’m hoping that Star Trek might come true spontaneously. That I’ll wake up one day in a world that has problems, but where the problems are solved collectively. That I’m not discarded and left to suffer and rot until I die.
I’m more exhausted at everyone constantly going to defederation as a first response to not liking an instance.