I’ve been playing Magic off and on since the mid-'90s, though some of the “off” periods have been pretty long.
I used to help run Pauper events on MTGO, before Pauper became an officially sanctioned format.
Check out this Magic-related web site I made: https://housedraft.games/
I initially read “barely-clothed walrus” and was prepared to rule in your favor based solely on that.