Dog dad in Edmonton, Alberta. Tech enthusiast and entrepreneur.
Good question, and I’m happy to answer.
My personal wealth is damn near zero (and also no one’s business, but relevant here). A series of events led me to losing a number of assets, and scraping myself up from a deep depressive stretch.
A ton of therapy, personal development, and some medication has helped me to live a healthy balanced life. That’s what my partners find attractive. It’s not my wealth or abs, but the work I’ve done my myself.
Interesting. I don’t find that’s the case at all. I’m certainly not “stacked”, yet I’ve managed to find two partners that I absolutely adore. They each have other partners as well.
I’m pretty sure being open, honest, and vulnerable with a high EQ is far more important than having great abs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to the gym when I can, but real open relationships are about more than sex appeal and jealousy.
…can’t have sex with rape these ones…
FTFY
I’m running Mint on my Desktop/Gaming rig, as well as on my laptop and a microslop surface. I have some old hardware I’m considering trying vanilla Debian with, to try it out.
I like to stick with distros based on Debian/Ubuntu as I’m familiar with the utilities. Default settings and locations of things change, but I don’t mind finding those if the base architecture is familiar. I spun up a VPS with Ubuntu on it, and I was very comfortable getting it set up due to this.
I’ve also looked into a way to sync my OSs, but that’s a whole other animal, from what I can tell. I just have a markup file shared with Syncthing that gives a little To do list when I’m setting up a new machine.
That being said, I have an old laptop and a Ventoy USB loaded with distro images that I like to boot up now and then. Puppy, Kali, and Pop are some of the really interesting ones.
+1 for Niagara. I’ve been using it for quite some time, and I love the simplicity of it. No clutter and just a quick launcher. I have a widget stack for my calendar, tasks, and Firefox search.
Or… Migrate to another email service provider?
I found dating challenging as well. What I noticed though, was that the quality of matches went way up. The few folks I’d chat with were open, clear with their expectations, and knew what they were looking for. No aimless dating and assumptions.
The same can be said for monogamous relationships, but we’re not taught how to be clear with our needs, making assumptions and guesswork the foundation for relationships.
I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you, and I’m proud of you for challenging yourself.
There are a few different spectrums to consider.
Sex - Asexual to swinging NSA Relationships - Closed to Open Partners - One to Many
Any variation of these is valid, and provides non-linear descriptions for folks to find their relationship identities.
Excellent points. Every relationship is valid, and only we can determine what works for ourselves. I choose poly and CNM because I have an abundance of love to offer, and know I can’t find everything I need in one person.
I appreciate the concerns about jealousy and division of attention. Those are common concerns, and often seen in any relationship. For me, jealousy is a fear of loss. If I’m not afraid to lose my partner, what am I afraid of? This is what led me to understand that I was envious of someone spending time with her, not that I was afraid to lose her.
As for the division of time, that is definitely a concern. If I don’t balmace and manage my relationships properly, someone will feel neglected, and that’s not okay. Having two partners requires additional effort, communication, and vulnerability. I can’t get away with shit, and I have continually own up to my actions with full accountability.
That all being said, my parents are a model of sustainable, healthy monogamy, and I treasure that. They’ve been an example of what’s also possible, and I would never discount that. If people are open and honest with themselves and others, any relationship can be just as healthy and sustainable.
Great question. The main point that’s shaped my view on it, is that no person owes me their time, and I can’t own them.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, and started off as non-mono (CNM Poly). We’ve always respected each other’s autonomy and independence. During that time, we developed a stable, loving relationship, and encouraged each other to meet other people. I understand that she owes me nothing, and I can’t control her time or who she spends her time with. This was established at the beginning, so expectations were managed properly from the start.
That being said, we both choose to stay together. We’ve been through hell in the last 7 years, and I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. I’m comfortable knowing she’ll continue to be with me, despite her other relationships. Even if she decides this waa no longer a relationship she wanted to be in, it would suck and I would be heartbroken, but I would survive, and eventually be okay.
Another core belief is that we can’t possibly expect one person to meet all of our needs. This is a completely unreasonable expectation. It’s suffocating, and puts way too much pressure on your partner. We both have other people in our lives that help to round out our relationships.
The biggest thing for me is that ever single person involved intentionally chooses to be in the relationship they’re in. They’re not in the relationship due to a default, or expectation from a mono normative society. They’re making the intentional choice to do what makes them happy.
I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about the topic. This is something near and dear to me, and respectful curiosity from others always sparks joy in me.
Please feel free to share these resources, and any others you deem important. Suicide risk is not something to take lightly.
I’d love to see WitchesAgainstThePatriarchy again! Looks like communities on Lemmy.ca are fairly easy to create. I’ll play around with it for a bit and see what it’s like.
I have, and it’s working out just fine! Negativity doesn’t encourage growth and exploration. High standards and low expectations do.