Sorry. It’s one word. That’s literally ALL people want you to say to help them feel safe and comfortable. It doesn’t need to be hard.
Should your private message have been published? No, probably not. It was unfair to you.
Are people being unfair to accuse you of being a massive transphobe with the evidence at hand? I’d say so, but people are primed against people that hint at their transphobia through the use of particular terms.
And why wouldn’t they be? Individuals masking extreme hate towards transgender/etc. people with dogwhistles is something that happens frequently.
If you aren’t masking hate just say so and apologize.
Thanks for making it clear that you aren’t being hateful.
From my perspective, you don’t need to parrot a line or respond to a barrage of questions.
Learning to be more sensitive and tolerant and actually changing takes time. It’s a process. If you indeed aren’t holding hate in your heart, it makes it all the easier to see the flip side.