I think this is what they were talking about about when labeling liberals with “misandry”:

“White men without college degrees are going to ruin this country.

You could still mark one candidate in Portland’s RCV.

Once they have achieved this level of tempering it’s respectable for the amount of effort they put in.
that’s not respect, thats understanding. If you respected them, you would at least seem them as equals to yourself

I think the desire to be in society and tempered by it is respectable. It’s not a binary that is separated by a hurdle. Because I am an adult, I have understanding of where they are in their journey of being socialized as an adult. I respect the effort they have made, the understanding they’ve developed, and the progress they’ve achieved. I don’t confuse them with being an adult. But I nurture that desire to be an adult through connection and mentorship if that is available.

I can’t trust them like others that have so I can’t respect them like others. there are other ways to respect though.

I don’t trust them like others. I trust them for where they are. I respect them for who they are and where they are. As you said, there are other ways to respect. That is what I’ve chosen. Another way.

respect is a gift given from one individual to another. it signifies the trust one has in the other.

I agree that respect is a gift given. Gifts aren’t earned. They are not transactions. It says, “I see you.” Because I have developed eyes to see others, I can give that gift. I can give them space in my self for them to stretch and grow into whomever they are. Some of who they become is chosen, but some is set. I can see this. This is respect. “I see you again.” And as they grow into that person, they turn towards me and ask, “Do you see me?” and I can answer “I see you again and again.”

They can never emulate me because there is a part of me that will always be unreachable and unknown to them because they are not me. They can try to be like me and they the best success is if they are exactly like themselves in the process of being like me. An authentic self can emerge. I extend respect in hopes that they become themselves.

Teenagers are in development of becoming an individual. They may have personalities, but they haven’t tempered them for society yet. That tempering process is through human connections. I’d argue the best outcomes come through respect, patient connections with adults who demonstrate composure and allow them to grow that composure.

I don’t know what you’re suggesting other than with holding respect.

I don’t know what works for you, but I do the following.

1. Feel your feelings. Base feelings for me are sadness, joy, anger, etc. the feeling is connected to an event, but not the same as the event.And I am not my feelings, I am just having a feeling. Feeling this feeling puts me in touch with something either vital or reframes my perspective.
2. Reorient your goals. This can be either shifting your sense of worth to something more important to you than your work or a recommitment to attaining what was lost. This doesn’t always happen on the first pass, but I’m able to lift my head up at this point and look around.
3. Make small tasks that build towards that goal. Or just connecting with the day and the people in my life.
4. Reconnect to your support structure. This is just as important to you as it is for them. They want to see you thrive and see the best in you re-emerge.
5. Rinse and repeat. Stumbling is normal. Successes happen. Feel those feelings again. And again.

I don’t know if this will work for you, but this has been a process that works for me.

I only saw one other comment talking about your son, so I’ll chime in.

Make sure to hear your son’s voice. This is his way of trying to make a connection with you and maybe more. Hear him out and don’t reflexively respond. Spend time making sure he feels heard and loved. And whatever you decide, he’ll know that his connection with you is strong. I don’t know what level of processing you’ve done with him, but I can imagine it getting a little back burnered as you work through the betrayal and grief.

Why not just ask this question in the OP?

Don’t be. Being an asshole wins elections. They are deplorable and they are making you be this way. It’s their fault. If they were just to follow the rules you wouldn’t be an awful person. You’re a hero.

And your whips teaches them nothing. Still not sure how this gets the deplorables to vote for you.

Respect is granted for just being human. That can be erode if they violate core social norms, but when respect is given trust is given back. They then give the effort that results in learning.

I’m surprised all the self righteous condescension failed to turn out the vote. Guess we’re all out options.

Why does this even matter? We have an electoral college and turnout in the seven swings state met or exceeded 2020 turnout.

Man… The amount of comments saying that kids are dumb at fifteen and I didn’t know what I was doing at fifteen are all falsely equating respect with success and knowledge. Kids literally don’t know what their doing because they are figuring it out. They’re not dumb, they have a lot to learn. And most want to.

Kids need respect for being who they are. You give most kids real respect and watch them do everything they can to live up to it. They need real connection and mentors. When you give high support then you can set high expectations.

This is how you win an election.

It can be interesting to have high moral standards. No one goes around thinking they have low moral standards. Rather, most people conceive of themselves as having high standards that still make them socially relatable. Some people use their high moral stands to isolate themselves. This can lead to either sadness or hubris. Either way, these standards can make it difficult to connect them. How to open up, how far to open, how long to open comes so naturally to most that it’s like riding a bicycle or tying your shoelaces.

If the learning window is missed, having people explain what feels natural is difficult for them. If you’ve ever taught someone to ride a bicycle or tie their shoes, you know what I mean. Many people who missed this window are not predisposed to type of intelligence and we’re busy enthralled with something else. So they are at the same time, often, advance in one area and deficient in another.

If they’ve situated their pride and identity in the area in which they previously focused and if they also have a pride that values results over process embarrassment and shame can creep in. Vulnerability is a liability and not an asset.

In the case of hubris, I think it’s due to a feeling of fear of vunerersbility and shame causing one to harden their resolve so that they don’t feel the shame again.

In the case of those with sadness, it due to a loneliness. No one else shares their high morals and therefore no one gets who they are.

I don’t think you’re either one of these and none of this is as linear as I’ve presented it or as clear cut. Just some tendencies. You may find one sentence resonates strong and another wholly off the mark. Of course if your pride is more flexible and you don’t mind the process, that great! The above will only appear as shadows and not currents.

But it sounds like you have healthy relationships with friends and family, so I don’t think you really have to worry about too much. In my view, vulnerability and empathy create a bond that is strong in a way that you can lose yourself. You can never really lose yourself of course and, I believe, that you never really have yourself as well. But in a space of love and connection we are freer to be a spontaneous expression of self with and through others and they with us.

This is rather cryptic as experience roots words. But this is a space or mode of living that can open when connections are created. And high morals can isolate one from those opportunities. That isolation can keep us separate from creative acts as well. And these are the types of things that I would say you might be missing out on. I don’t think they are readily available to most, but they seem to appear occasionally.

Any case… I hope I didn’t get too woo for you or make it sound like there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing. You sound like a high character individual and suspect when your friends and family reflect upon you, there is warmth in their hearts.

Cheers! It seems like your attitude is healthy and not self injurious. So that’s good. In posting this, you’re open enough to consider a possible blind spot. You’re curious, but not vexxed.

I wanted to pursue the answer to the second question in a moment but wanted to ask a couple of follow up questions first.

• How do close friends and family regard you when you are trying to live this pure life?
• Are you able to be vulnerable with them?
• Do you hold them to these standards as well?
• Do you hold them to standards that they don’t hold themselves to?

So as whole, I suspect you’re well adjust especially if the above isn’t negatively effecting anyone. The following is a deeper set of questions. Their resolution, as far as I know, doesn’t necessarily bring about increased health and could, for certain types of psyches, be destabilizing. I don’t think you are that type of person, but listen to your own heart of course.

Regarding the second answer, you wish to die knowing you lived life to fullest. What does this wish give you? If you do stumble and you do have a regret at the time of your death, why does it matter? Another way of asking this would be, if there is no after life and you are dead, what does it matter that you then died with a regret? What purpose does dying with no regret serve? In a similar vein, does not wanting to die with regrets keep you from pursuing parts of life that you might have pursued if you did not have that goal?

I want reiterate that that these questions aren’t an indicator of mental health. I also want to say that the framing of the issue and the questions lend itself to seeming like there’s a right answer. There isn’t. Honestly, the right answer could be that it feels right. And not having that feels wrong.

What’s the feeling you get when do well with this moral project?
What do you think you’ll feel like when you reach your goal? If don’t think the goal is attainable, what value does its pursuit bring?

Agreed. And the best the Democrats could do was give the next person in line. It didn’t work in 2016 and it didn’t work in 2024.

People minimize the bad things of the past to have hope for the future. They’re dead. We’re alive. Not my attitude, but at least I can hear it and not lose my shit.

2016 had under 138M votes cast. This election has 135M counted with California having only 63% reporting and Arizona only having 85%. What’s your issue?