Binary trans woman, full time since 2016

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  • 34 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 11th, 2023

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  • This is so hard.

    First, it’s OK to distance yourself from “I love you, but I can’t support what you are doing.”

    My mother was devastated when I came out. But after seeing that I was serious about transition and she could either get on the boat or be left behind, she decided that she should offer some help with clothes and dressing nice. She introduced me as her daughter these days. She hasn’t said anything shitty in over half a decade.

    Second isolation is ok for safety, but not a long term strategy. Be nice to people, ask for help when you can, and you should meet women that will help you. Seek out queer spaces and navigate them as best you can. A trans woman taught me 95% of everything I know about makeup. My wife taught me nails when we started dating.

    I’m sorry you are being hurt. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve it. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat, or vent, or share your stories. I love yo tell my own.



  • Damn I’m sorry. The only thing I can suggest is to give her space, as much as you can. You don’t deserve this.

    If you have any kind of support system outside of her, now is the time. I would stay off Facebook. Trying to do damage control there with a conservative family is probably going to do more harm than good.

    It’s going to hurt more before it gets better, but with time and some effort, it can get better. Care for the kids as best you can. Then care for yourself as best you can. Then care for your wife.

    You have every chance of being a pretty woman. It make take hormones and time and hair removal, and maybe some makeup magic, but there will probably come a day when you can be proud of what you see in the mirror.

    Regardless, who you see in the mirror is more important. Do your best, and the rest will fall as it may.







  • I can’t say this is something I have experienced. I got gender euphoria from the start right up to today.

    But maybe you are gender fluid? If that fits then it fits. It’s OK to be a man on Tues and a woman on Friday.

    There is no wrong way to be you. There is only you. The words are only important if they are useful. When words fail, you are still here, and you are more important than the words will ever be.

    It’s OK to tell a story to simplify it down to strangers. (Like: I’m a trans woman) You don’t need to have the whole experience of your transition down to an elevator speech.

    I say this to give some guidance on how you could move through the world. Strangers get the simple lie. Friends and family get the more nuanced truth.








  • So, you are on the right track to assert that the only person that can say you are trans is you. At best, we can give you things to think about.

    First, you focus on your body, and mention your weight as unsatisfying. If you lost a bunch of weight and worked out every day, what would make you happier? A muscular, masculine body? With big shoulders and strong arms and thighs? Or would you preferred a smaller, athletic, feminine body? That still had some fat in your breasts and butt?

    Would you like a soft feminine face? Or a handsome, masculine face?

    If that doesn’t make it obvious, what about relationships? Would you like be your parents son? Or their daughter? Would you rather be a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? If you get married, would you like to be the bride? Or the groom?

    If you have children someday, would you be comfortable as their dad? Or their mother?

    “Neither” is also an option. Maybe you are non binary or agender.

    I hope this helps you to consider what you want for yourself. None of these questions can 100% guarantee you are trans, but each can offer evidence one way or the other.