flail time

i would have appreciated hearing how the author, personally, found capitalized pronouns to be affirming, because, absent that reasoning, it really does seem like it’s to set up a deferential power dynamic. i don’t really mind respecting the pronouns anyways, but it does mean i don’t really want to be friends with Them until i understand what’s going on there better

yeah i feel you. i don’t think this would be better even if i were vegan (i’m not bc i think i would starve due to a number of dietary restrictions /allergies, but i cycle in the vegan food i can)

yeah and i posed both questions just to kind of allow for multiple possibilities because, y’know, i wasn’t really sure what was going on in your head

but otherwise, i dunno if you’re this comfortable with your dad, but if you are, maybe you could have a conversation about it. ask him if he knows about sex work and how workers in the porn industry are treated, ask if he’s considered looking for ethical pornography producers, maybe suggest some (?) LOL

i understand this isn’t a conversation everyone is necessarily comfortable having, but i think, if you can overcome the awkwardness, it’s worth it to kind of reaffirm your dad’s relationship with you and his shared values with you. fwiw i think a lot of people (men?) who are like, strongly feminist would be open to reconsidering this stuff and maybe just don’t necessarily have the tools or haven’t really had the idea to explicitly pursue more ethical porn. some of it is just accessibility, you know? like, everyone knows pornhub, but i can’t name an ethical porn studio offhand

that said, this inspired me to google it (i know, what an idea) and i found a couple of article recommendations as a starting point:

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a36465164/ethical-porn/

https://sexualalpha.com/ethical-porn-sites/

and then, just for full disclosure, some of the things that prevented me from doing that before were:

• i didn’t (and still am not sure) that i could just trust a google search about this (it’s still better than nothing and the second article lists some signs that you can look for, at least)
• conflating ethical with soft: sorry if this is too mcuh information LMAO but i’m kind of into people fucking hard (sort of regardless of gender), so it’s hard to feel like i’ll enjoy ethical porn. i think it’s better now, i would have been a lot more concerned ten years ago, but there’s probably something nowadays that is ethical and still caters to me
• there’s also kind of the concern about like, getting my money’s worth, because tbh ethical porn DOES mean paying for it. the money isn’t really a huge concern (altho it could be for others), but it’s hard to want to manage it without the sort of security of a good return. again, it’s not a huge deal, it’s a worthwhile investment to spend a few bucks to find out and i think these studios probably have enough available material to evaluate them
• similarly on the accessibility front, is being able to access it on my phone bc my pc is in the goddamn living room (another situation which has probably improved substantially over the last ten years)
• some of it is just like, it wasn’t that feasible or good of a situation ten years ago and i just haven’t sat down to think about it much since the last time i did until now. and your dad is definitely older than i am, i am not old enough to have a child your age LOL

notably, none of these are really about whether it’s a (morally) good idea or not, it’s a lot about the practicalities, but yknow not necessarily every feminist guy is on this page

i’m not gonna sit here and pretend these are the best reasons or anything, i’m not the best human being to ever live, but i try to do better than the day before, and i listed those reasons out honestly to hopefully help if you decide to have that conversation with… not even just your dad, but anyone

but you know, if you decide not too, obviously that’s totally fine and understandable LOL, i think this was still good to write up and talk about

i had to think on this a little bit, and knowing you’re a woman helped me see where you were coming from, i think

and i think you should reflect on what looking at porn says to you about a person. because there can be a lot of baggage attached and - at least for me, as a guy who likes porn - i’ve already had to come to terms with that stuff. but it’s hard to know if someone else has done that kind of inner reflective work about what most people treat as a throwaway hobby

it’s also kind of like, how comfortable are you with your own sexuality? are you asexual? how did your folks treat sex and sexuality growing up?

i don’t have any answers for you, and you certainly don’t need to answer any of these questions in a public forum on the internet. but hopefully they help you understand and resolve what’s troubling you

fwiw, my dad is super careless about it LMAO i found his porn bookmarks by accident as a kid. and nowadays his steam notifies me when he hops on hentai games 💀💀💀 but yknow what, good for him, hope he’s having a good time

it’s highly personal, so ideally you ask the individual and include their consent in your article. that said, generally speaking, trans people will use their current pronouns, even referring to their pre-transition selves. this is also what’s generally considered polite if you don’t know them, so it’s pretty suspect that the article is not doing that

still, something about malice and incompetence…

a friend of mine discovered the tip to add “before:2025” (or, the current year+1) to your yt search to improve it. i have no clue why that does anything but it reverts it to pre-enshittified functionality

it’s crazy how those comments are aging like milk precisely because google/web search is going to shit (in addition to being dickhead comments ofc)

just weird to look back and think about how we thought it would never change

fwiw you’ve conveyed the same general question i have about the situation, albeit far more eloquently than i would have been able to

i am totally down to stop using words that disabled people find offensive, but i need alternatives to express that someone is being needlessly / purposely ignorant or otherwise harmful and is generally worthy of scorn and contempt

which isn’t to say that providing that is the onus on disabled people (it’s really not, their only real obligation is to express their experiences)… but it does make it a lot easier to action on the request

it’s also kind of interesting to approach this conversation both as an outsider, but also as someone who these words do apply to in some capacity

yeah as someone on a keto diet and already allergic to soy and coconut… i need this LMAO i’m gonna die if i lose dairy and meat 😭

hate speech (of which nazi speech is a subset of) isn’t political either. it definitely should be banned because it demonstrably causes people to get hurt

insane stance to be advocating that nazis should have free speech in 2024

oh that’s crazy, i saw that syntax (from my client) and went, no way that’s correct (bc of the empty square brackets). but it being alt text makes it make sense, thanks!

looks like my alt text is breaking it for me tho (it’s removed in the above embedding)

https://beehaw.org/pictrs/image/717d18ed-533a-461b-975f-e2e1dc26b720.webp

i don’t know how to embed pictures but hopefully this works ^^; i’ve been seeing this one around lately and i think it’s very funny

preach sib (i do not know your gender identity)

i also love testosterone

i do it weird and put it on before bed, but it’s always a high point of my night

also it’s making me so big and strong!~

rather than talk about my experience, i tend to think it’s more helpful to have cisgender people imagine themselves in similar hypothetical situations:

1. imagine everyone in your life started using she/her pronouns for you. how would this make you feel? how does this affect how you react to them? how does this affect how they react to you?

2. imagine you woke up in a female body. how would you feel? imagine you had to adjust to it for a week. then a month. then a year. then ten years. what adjustments to your life would you have to make? how does this affect how people treat you? how does this affect your behavior? how would you feel about this situation? what would you miss about your previous body?

the second experience is essentially what it’s like to be a transgender man, except it’s from birth and you don’t (necessarily) get to start with the knowledge you’re a guy (some people more intuitively figure it out than others)

these questions hopefully help you develop a sense of what gender means to you, which should help you understand what gender means to us (obv it’s not the same for everyone, and it’s pretty binary, but it’s a decent starting point)

✊🦎

and that’s just the wage theft that’s explicitly illegal!

god bless the people giving stool samples so often for the studies. FOUR TIMES A YEAR FOR SIX YEARS?? i did it once and it was awful. and more frequently if they got vaxxed or sick? i would cry

oh true there is

thanks for sharing this information with us, i think it’s important to discuss this stuff on the fediverse

i notice that beehaw doesn’t have a similar clause in its TOS, as far as i can tell. without the expectation of you answering this question, i’m wondering what the difference is between the two such that cohost has such a clause and beehaw doesn’t. maybe it’s because one is run by an individual and one is run by a small company?

i did a search on cohost itself to see if anyone else talked about this and found this quite extensive thread: https://twitter.com/rahaeli/status/1588769277053739010

so based on what you’ve said and what’s in that thread, i’m gonna update my post with some qualifications about cohost. thanks for piqing my interest in the TOS