I’m in a not dissimilar position to you, right down to the childhood karate, and really resonate with your post. Except I’m 4 years older and my relationship has been going for 4 years older. It’s always weird and scary to understand these things, and can be very hard to share with your partner. I’ve been talking to a therapist about some of this stuff recently and they recommended reading the work of Meg John Barker, particularly the material on plurality. They have a lot of material available on line for free and it’s all short, really worth a read. The guist of it is that as a person you are likely plural, made up of multiple different “personas” that can be thought of the sources of various emotions/feelings, and it’s likely that one of more of them are not the gender you’re assigned at birth. You can embrace this at times without fully transitioning, or use it as a way to experiment 5o see if you want to live full time as a woman. I have so much respect for the girls here who have done it, but it looks like a challenging ordeal, even once you’re passing, and it is further complicated by already being in a cis het relationship with someone you love, means there is a lot more on the line. Wish you all the best in figuring all this out (and maybe when you do you can let me know xD )

That sounds shit. No advice here I’m afraid but I’ll pour out some eggnog for you. I hope you get through it all right xx

Yea I just know this is some catalysis chemist having a bad day

Not necessarily trans fiction, but an incredible book with an amazing deconstruction of gender, highly recommend.

Have you read The Dispossessed?

This is inspirational

Really appreciated you sharing that. Thank you. Xx

How did you tell your wife? I think I’m in a similar spot, really feel ya regarding being hit with a truck if emotions, but I’ve no idea how to tell my wife (Technically just gf but of 11 years - starting to understand why I’ve never had a desire to pop the question )