You might get some relief from changing your notification sound/vibration pattern to something that wasn’t used during those times, or even use a separate messaging app for day to day communication to tone down those triggers.
If your wife is up to it, you could even reserve actual phone calls for critical things to reassure yourself the regular notifications are “safe”.
To maker her not feel at fault it might be possible to spin it as her supporting you, so she’s doing a positive thing instead of trying to avoid it.
Unless of course the fact you’re getting contacted while away at all is a problem, I hope that would be something you can work through with time and practice.
I am glad you’re doing better and hope that trend continues upwards!
heh.