Ich bin ein 38 jähriger Vater mit zwei Kindern. Und diesen Artikel finde ich ehrlich gesagt einfach nur zum Kotzen.

Es mag ja sein, dass die Autorin diese Erfahrungen gemacht hat und es ist auch ihr gutes Recht darüber zu schreiben. Aber vielleicht hat sie auch kein Gefühl dafür, was einen guten “Single-Daddy” ausmacht.

Natürlich gibt es vermutlich die, die sich mit den Problemen dieser Situation nicht auseinander gesetzt haben, sich selbst nicht reflektiert haben und sich auch nicht informiert haben, wie man beziehungstechnisch mit dieser Situation umgeht. Und das ist scheiße und nichts anderes, denn es geht immer zu Lasten der Partnerinnen und der Kinder, die den ganzen Mist letztendlich ausbaden dürfen

Meine Trennung war richtig mies, ging nur von meiner Exfrau aus und hat mich extrem mitgenommen. Doch wer sich aktiv damit befasst, erst sich selber wieder findet, ausreichend Zeit vergehen lässt und diese auch nutzt, seine eigenen Fehler einzugestehen und die Vergangenheit zu analysieren, hat das Potential zu was Größerem. Dazu gehört auch sich damit zu befassen, wie man im Falle einer neuen Beziehung mit den Kindern umgeht. Und da ist bei wirklich jedem einzelnen Ratgeber ein No-Go, die Partnerin zeitnah den Kindern vorzustellen oder dass sie die Kinder mit Geschenken überhäuft. Ebenso gehören klare Umgangsregelungen dazu, damit eben nicht unerwartet die Kinder vor der Tür stehen.

Ja, wir Väter tun uns manchmal mit einigen Sachen etwas schwerer. Aber wir, die wir uns intensiv mit unserer Vergangenheit beschäftigt haben, können sehr verständnisvoll und empathisch sein. Wir wissen, worum es in einer Beziehung geht und was es zu beachten gibt, eben weil wir aufgrund unserer Vergangenheit daraus gelernt haben. Wir können negative Anzeichen erkennen und damit umgehen, wenn etwas unrund läuft in der Beziehung. Und wir tun unser bestes, dass sowohl Partnerin als auch Kinder einen gleichwertigen Platz in unserem Leben einnehmen können.

I had a Spitz Nevis, which has the same appearance as an amelanotic melanoma, which in this stage would most likely have been spread in the whole body.

I’ve insisted to go to a couples therapist and we did. From the beginning she said she’s only here to find out how to best manage the break-up. Nevertheless the therapist was optimistic that we could work this out. But she didn’t want to, even after weeks.

I asked her a lot, as i’m a pretty openminded guy who can openly talk about bis feelings, fears and wishes. She is the opposite. The only thing i geht to hear is that she suddenly doesn’t love me any more and that she needed more help with the kids. As i said i have to work a lot. From the therapist i got informed, that she never learned to express her real feelings, that she’s still a child, which never learned to stand on her own feet and never accomplished anything in her life. And now she wants to grow up and become an adult und be independent. She’s 34, but now i understand that he was right…

Why not, here’s my story:

This year is by far the worst of my life. But before i start this was my life so far:

I’m 37, male and live in Germany. So far my life was a nice life: i worked a lot, made my college degree, studied, finished as master of science in engineering and now i work in a well paid job for the goverment, which i really like. When i started studying i met my third girlfriend which became the love of my life. We’ve been together for 13 years, 6 of it married. We have two incredible sweet kids, a 5 yo daughter and a 3 yo son. My family owns a small farmstead build in 1845 which a renovated in the last 5 years to a incredible nice and warm home. There my wife started freelancing as a gardener and selling vegetables and fruits at our own farmshop and local farmers markets.

Of course we had our ups and downs as pretty much every couple. But our life was simply great. At least for me…

This year everything went down to shit. In january my wife had a big life-crisis where she decided without any fortelling that she wants a divorce and she’s taking the kids and wants to move out. Out of nowhere and there’s no talking or whatsoever. Under German law and our special situation this means i lose pretty much all my money, my kids and if she really wants to also my farm which is in my family for generations. And of course the love of my life, for whom i would do anything…

So when it was finally over in April i had suicidal thoughts and spend a week in a mental hospital. I was an really dark place right then.

But this wasn’t all: one month later my doctor called that i have a pretty rare kind of skin tumor, which can either be harmless or sure death. At this point i didn’t even care any more. But after weeks they found it was the harmless variant. So now there’s a huge scar on my shoulder which will remind me of the break-up for the rest of my life…

Again one month after that a friend of mine was driving with my car, got in an accident with my own father in front of my house where both cars were destroyed. So now my insurance company is sueing me of insurance-fraud, even that i didn’d do anything.

Oh, and last Werk my aunt died. The funeral was on saturday with more than 1.000 people.

Oh, and although my life broke up with me in february, she still live’s with me, as she didn’t learn any well paid job, owns nothing and so can’t get a place to live.

So all in all, i’m not far away to completely lose it… despite having family and friends it slowly gets to mich to bear in just a few months.