My sister killed herself last week. We have services for her later this week.
She was an international translator, spoke over 12 languages, worked for foreign governments, professional sports teams, fortune 500s. She played a few outdoor sports. She leaves behind her son & husband.
Mental health issues run in my family. My mom has schizoaffect disorder, has made multiple attempts in the past, including ones I walked in on. I grew up around or in various forms of therapy for my own shit, including some intense childhood trauma.
We all have our own depression. My sister struggled with her depression & I’ve struggled with mine. I have 3 kids, and they’ve kept me anchored to this world in a responsibility sense. My wife really keeps me going.
Her son is 7. Her husband struggles with anger issues & understanding his son. My main link to her son was through my sister, and I honestly barely know the husband. When she visited, it was always her & her son. Now, I’m not really sure how I can stay in his life.
Towards the end, these last 6-9 months, she closed herself off so much. I texted her weekly, saying I loved her & was thinking about her. I didn’t get a response for 3 months. She eventually got back to me in September, and that’s when we last spoke. I know I tried to keep her here. I don’t feel guilt over the outcome; just sad.
I don’t really need much—my church & local community is supporting me right now. Maybe this is just voidposting / shouting into the oblivion that’s modern internet.
But, fuck, suicide sucks. I’ve had other friends pass from it, but this one really sucks… I thought I had more time with her. I wish I could have one more conversation.
Hug your homies & loved ones.
I haven’t seen anyone else pointing this out but in my moments of dealing with suicide I found greatest relief in helping those who were hurting. Your nephew is going to have a really hard time and his dad is going to be under a lot of strain. For the first month or so people will be there, trying to help. In three months people will have moved on but he won’t have. It will get harder.
Being supportive after the first month and helping your nephews dad cope is the most directly impactful thing you can do. By that I mean offering to have your nephew over if that is suitable, maybe having a family get together and actively including both of them, and making sure the dad has some down time.
Obviously it is not your job and so on, he needs to manage his emotions and deal with his grief, but of all the ways someone could help giving your nephew another place to be for a bit of the time can be a massive help. It gives the dad a break, strengthens the bond between you and both your nephew and his father, and it gives your nephew a less stressed dad. It also let’s you keep an eye out for trouble and makes you a trusted adult.