My sister killed herself last week. We have services for her later this week.
She was an international translator, spoke over 12 languages, worked for foreign governments, professional sports teams, fortune 500s. She played a few outdoor sports. She leaves behind her son & husband.
Mental health issues run in my family. My mom has schizoaffect disorder, has made multiple attempts in the past, including ones I walked in on. I grew up around or in various forms of therapy for my own shit, including some intense childhood trauma.
We all have our own depression. My sister struggled with her depression & I’ve struggled with mine. I have 3 kids, and they’ve kept me anchored to this world in a responsibility sense. My wife really keeps me going.
Her son is 7. Her husband struggles with anger issues & understanding his son. My main link to her son was through my sister, and I honestly barely know the husband. When she visited, it was always her & her son. Now, I’m not really sure how I can stay in his life.
Towards the end, these last 6-9 months, she closed herself off so much. I texted her weekly, saying I loved her & was thinking about her. I didn’t get a response for 3 months. She eventually got back to me in September, and that’s when we last spoke. I know I tried to keep her here. I don’t feel guilt over the outcome; just sad.
I don’t really need much—my church & local community is supporting me right now. Maybe this is just voidposting / shouting into the oblivion that’s modern internet.
But, fuck, suicide sucks. I’ve had other friends pass from it, but this one really sucks… I thought I had more time with her. I wish I could have one more conversation.
Hug your homies & loved ones.
It sounds like she really thought this through.
I wish our world didn’t pressure people to feel like they need to leave, but I hope she’s in less pain now.
I often feel like I’m in your sister’s position, i do all the things I’m supposed to, I’m semi successful and have people who love me. Im just so tired, and I never get to stop. It just keeps building up, and I never get to take the load off.
Sorry for your loss
I haven’t seen anyone else pointing this out but in my moments of dealing with suicide I found greatest relief in helping those who were hurting. Your nephew is going to have a really hard time and his dad is going to be under a lot of strain. For the first month or so people will be there, trying to help. In three months people will have moved on but he won’t have. It will get harder.
Being supportive after the first month and helping your nephews dad cope is the most directly impactful thing you can do. By that I mean offering to have your nephew over if that is suitable, maybe having a family get together and actively including both of them, and making sure the dad has some down time.
Obviously it is not your job and so on, he needs to manage his emotions and deal with his grief, but of all the ways someone could help giving your nephew another place to be for a bit of the time can be a massive help. It gives the dad a break, strengthens the bond between you and both your nephew and his father, and it gives your nephew a less stressed dad. It also let’s you keep an eye out for trouble and makes you a trusted adult.
I always wonder how much my mom actaully mean it when she claims that she “loves me” and “cares about me”… idk, those words don’t feel like they’re genuine, feels so hollow, I’ve been thinking about suicide recently, can’t get the thought off my mind.
I wished I had telepathy, I wanna see things from my parents perspective, to see how much they really care, if at all. Because the world would look brighter if I knew that someone truely cared.
Its a huge battle every day, I keep having to “fight” off that part of my brain, depression, its like a corruption, like a “cancer”, keeps wanting me to die.
But I don’t wanna die. I like my “backstory” (for lack of a better word), great icebreaker, native speaker to 3 different spoken languges, it’d kinda be cool to impress people. I keep trying to remember the good memories I had with my parents, but even that isn’t enough to stop depression.
Sorry didn’t mean to hijack the post, I just wanna scream into the void too.
Heyo. I can’t offer much, but I want to say that I’ve seen you around and I appreciate your presense here on Lemmy.
I have also enjoyed your “backstory”. I’ve read a post here and there and I always find it so fascinating to learn about folks here. I appreciate you sharing yourself.
I only vaguely understand suicial ideation. I get the odd thought here and there, but I’ve never felt it intensly.
My main point is: It would be real cool to be able to read new posts from you for a real long time. I’m not trying to force your hand or anything. Just trying to say that you’re appreciated by some internet rando. Probably more folks than just me.
Its your cake day lol.
How can you tell?? My client doesn’t show anything to me.
Tap the cake icon and it shows.
I don’t use any client, just good ol’ Tor Browser.
I see! I use jerboa and I don’t get any icon for it or anything.
Have you ever read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents by Lindsay C. Gibson? It helped my wife immensely with similar struggles. Your library should have a copy of it. She said it was like taking the blindfolds off and how once you recognize it you can’t unsee it.
Here’s a good article too https://www.additudemag.com/emotionally-immature-parents-adhd/
Thats totally hard.
Look after yourself. I dont know how, but look after yourself.
Stay with us.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. That’s my greatest fear in life, and you’re living it. Reading this, seeing the parallels between your sister and mine – it’s too real. I can’t let that happen. It scares me so much. I’m so sorry. I hope you can heal, both for your sister and for your own depression. I’m glad your family keeps you anchored, and I hope you find a way to keep your nephew in it. He probably needs someone like you.
Sending love from a stranger~
I have nothing valuable to add except hang in there and take all the hugs you need.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s really hard to grapple with a loved one committing suicide.
Any loss is a loss too much. Thanks for sharing your story and hers. Wishing you a few rays of sunlight.
Sorry for your loss. Cannot imagine how terrible this must feel. You mention your own family is anchoring you, but please find extra help if you need it.
