Im in a wierd state as my wife and I have been battling depression since her health issues started. We always sorta talked and laughed a bit. I mean if you have reasons is it really depression? I mean it makes sense to be sad when you have things to be sad about. That are not going to go away. I am approaching two years being unemployed concurrently with my country falling apart and the future has never looked bleaker on both a large scale and a personal scale. I am trying my best to look for work while doing pickup work but I often cannot get up in the morning and try to offset it by getting to bed earlier but then rather than getting up I just end up sleeping a lot. Im not sure if I present any level of enthusiasm with the job search. I try but it feels so artificail I feel like it comes through. I have a doctors appointment where I hope to get a referal to a psychiatrist. Thing is there is this family history with mental illness and like half my family have been institutionalized as some point and alzhiemers has showed up with my father and sister. I grew up in a time before adhd and autism were a thing diagnosed and kids like me were just called introverted. I went into science and swung into tech which are jobs that have been pretty forgiving of odd people who have a high level of cognitive ability. So I sorta want to get screened for a bunch of things. I don’t want to be taking any medications unless its actually going to help me function better.