If a story, game, show, or movie contains vampires, I am immediately bored and will suspect the creator of being uncreative. Vampires are not cool. They have never been cool. The are the most overdone “monsters” in any form of media. And they are almost always the same; people with the mannerisms from 1800’s England or France and the dress sense of a 2005 Hot Topic. Why not ancient Babylon? Why not South American vampires? Why are their personalities always the fucking same? Why are they always so fucking formal? Why always the 1800’s; this one bugs me the most because the media often claims that Vampires are thousands of years old, so supposedly they kept up with the times until the 1800’s and then just stopped. It’s because writers who use them are lazy and uncreative.
“Oh it’s a metaphor for the duality of man and how there are secretly monsters living among-” shut the fuck up. Use a different metaphor if it’s that important to your story. But it never is. That’s never important to the story because they are always just so fucking lame. Always the same powers. Always the same weaknesses. They have been done to hell and back.
Use. A different. Monster.
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I prefer vampires over zombies.
Zombies are really one-trick ponies. Their stories are redundant whereas with vampires, you could go anywhere with them.
There are so many vampire stories that don’t suffer from these problems. It just means you are unfamiliar with the genre.
Someone hasn’t watched What We Do In The Shadows and it shows
Or Blade…
Which?
Trick question. They were both excellent.
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All y’all suggesting various vampire stories that won’t annoy OP because they address the listed critisms are wasting your time. OP is already pre-annoyed by the whole concept and won’t enjoy those suggestions whether they fall within the critique or not. The only exception might be What We Do In The Shadows, because it lampoons vampire fiction so well, including the things OP points out. For anyone giving that a try, start with the original movie before watching the show.
Thank you for your understanding. And yes, I enjoyed WWDITS for exactly those reasons. It is a parody of vampires, and parodies are often cathartic for those who hate the thing being parodied because it highlights all the absurd tropes that may have become grating.
Someone didn’t see Blade movies, I guess
I did. Still features vampires. Still lame.
It also features - oh damn - humans. So boring and lame, dude
Yea, featuring humans is definitely exactly the same as featuring an overused supernatural creature that doesn’t exist in real life. You are so smart!
They always communicate with words and always breathe air. That’s overused supernatural creature
What We Do in the Shadows? Not cool per se, but funny.
Counterpoint:
Sinners
Witcher 3, Blood and Wine
Also Blindsight
Came here to say this. Completely orthogonal to the vampire troops OP mentions.
Witcher 3 is allowed. The context works.
I’m not sure I follow. Why does Sinners not work. They’re vampires in semi-rural US that were created by the European ones. It’s an example of os something OP said they never see.
No idea what sinners is, so I couldnt include it. But the Witcher universe? That’s everything that goes bump in the night.
No, the actual vampire the story was about was an Irish fuck. The others were molded after that classic image.
The only interesting part of Sinners (in the context of OPs post) were Native Americans hunting it.
Why not South American vampires?
Oh! Masks of Nyarlethotep features Kharisiri, Peruvian vampires that harvest fat from their victims. In the story they’re servants of El Padre de los Gusanos (The Father of Worms) and are feeding fat from their victims to their god under his pyramid tomb. They’re actually what remains of the Conquistadors that desecrated the tomb and broke the seal, releasing the god into our world.
So, yeah, there’s so much more to vampires than the same old regurgitated blood suckers they keep forcing down our throats.
That sounds like a Pishtaco from Andean folklore.
Totally off the point of the thread but I only know about pishtacos because I just read a couple books by Richard K. Morgan (the Altered Carbon guy), Thirteen and Thin Air, which are sci-fi with a bunch of Andean culture and folklore which I had never run across before. The reason for all the Andean stuff is the first space elevator was built down there (needs to be at the equator) and because of this many of the workers, including Mars colonists without special skills, are from the Altiplano. So on Mars, even hundreds of years later, that culture is very prevalent, including having Quechua as a major language. And because of all the money flowing through the region local Quechua speaking organized crime families get very powerful. Lots of fun (made-up, I assume) local expressions in the books like “Pachamama’s tits!” and “Fucked by Supay’s cock”.
OP is a vampire ;)
Upvoted for truly an unpopular opinion.
Erm. From dusk till dawn? Blade? Underworld?
Laaaaame
You’re free to dislike them, but you everything you complained about does NOT apply to those.
Do they contain vampires? Oh, they do? Hmm, sounds like my main, original complaint is still valid.
I can’t remember who said this, but the quote that vampires are the aristocracy of the undead while zombies are the working class always stuck with me.
I’d go a step farther and say it’s time to come up with an entirely new type of monster.
I don’t mean “villain” like a Candyman, or a Jeeper’s Creepers, or a Terrifier, or something like that. People make up new ones of those all the time.
I mean an entire new class of monster. Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies, etc… Where are the classes of monsters that represent our modern sensibilities?
SCP writers are constantly inventing new monsters.
Doctor Who’s Cybermen do it for me. People reduced to nameless, faceless automatons, suffering internally while compelled by their situation to do the same to others.
:c rip rory
Billionaires
I disagree.
Vampire is an interesting monster but very popular. Which makes it in a specific fiction easily classic and boring or badly written.There is examples of well written classic vampire story. The most famous being Dracula from Bram Stocker which is not only interesting as the first of a kind but hold as a very good story.
There is examples of interesting twist on the classic vampire which are nice as any good remake is. For example, the energy vampires in What We Do in the Shadows.That being said, you don’t need to enjoy any of it. Tastes are subjective.
The scifi book Blindsight uses them in a way you may find interesting (they’re just a fork of humanity like the species of fireflies that attract mates only to eat them by who died out due to a genetic fluke, brought back by modern science for their intelligence traits), and that’s only a small part of a biologist writing a very “mates ya think” novel exploring consciousness.
Blindsight is fucking terrible and the vampire captain is only part of the problem with it. It was billed as being hard sci-fi then has fucking vampires in it? An evolutionary offshoot that somehow developed an neurological reaction to right angles? Fucking stupid. Then it’s also filled with some really fucked up opinions about neuro divergence and has a very dissatisfying non-ending.
Pretty good book but you left out a letter in the title.
Blindsight
