When the fights heal to 101%, not 99%
Communication, respect, and shared priorities and values are big ones. Interests come and go, career stuff can be all over the place, but if you value and aspire to the same sorts of things that definitely helps.
edit: sorry, I just saw what community this was posted in - I’m a dude who just tries to not be an idiot, feel free remove this if I’m not supposed to be here
At the base level, I would say: if it makes your life better and pushes you to want to be better.
How to evaluate it is hard, though.
I would say that if you feel nurtured by the relationship and the relationship is propping you up to reach heights you wouldn’t be able to reach on your own, that’s a healthy relationship. If you often feel you would be better off on your own, something somewhere is not right, or at least not great at the moment.
I heard somewhere that the best relationships are where the couple’s efforts are split 60-40, and where both try to be the 60.
Both partners feeling safe, valued and listened to, and being willing to grow and improve as needed.
Being able to talk through arguments to avoid resentment is invaluable
To feel loved and accepted as you are. You aren’t trying to change one another, only trying to supoort one another to reach your potentials in every area of life.
When you doubt yourself, the other is there to believe in you.
The relationship itself is easy to maintain. It is the outside world that is challenging and you take it on together. Everytime I hear people say that relationships/marriage is hard work, I feel like I’m listening to someone who has settled with the wrong person. It should not be hard work. Ever. If you are doing it right, it should merely be little maintainance here and there. Daily affirmation and talks. Little gestures of love and support. Respectful disagreements. Owning up to mistakes if you make them and apologize if needed. It’s not hard nor difficult if you a little everyday, not because you have to, but because you want to and it feels right. It should he second nature like scratching an itch combing your hair. You do it because it is part of the daily routine.
Each couple has their own love language for one another. In my relationship, we love to be verbal about our affection for one another and I especially love and need hugs. We also need to do our own thing and can spend hours apart in different rooms or sometimes he goes on a drive somewhere. Then he typically calls me so be can chat about everything and nothing. Often he calls me immediately after work and we talk about our day.
It is so nice and relaxing to be with him. Whomever tells you that relationships are hard, must come from an unfortunate perspective because it isn’t meant to be hard. Life is hard. Love is easy.
