I see this advice often, and in most cases it’s true. But most people with these issues are young and have lots of time to turn things around. I’m 40 and had my chances and blew all of them.
I immigrated for the second time in my late 30s and lost all my friend circle all over again and then found new ones. There’s a lot of people in the world so no reason to stop looking.
Dude I’m almost 42 and have had this mentality for most of my life, but am still making new friends. Defeatism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t mistake that for it being correct initially.
I feel this deep in my bones. I used to feel like this all the time.
What worked for me is that most of the people who make me feel this way, I realized, are not people I care about. So I just stopped giving any shits about them or telling them anything.
I dunno if that’s a great way to handle it, but it’s how I get by.
Yeah. I also stopped associating with folks who don’t make me feel good.
Obviously every relationship, including friendships, will have their fair share of difficulties, so there’s kind of an allowance for how much BS I’m willing to take before I call it quits on continuing to associate with someone.
There are no extra allowances in my policy for family.
After adopting this policy, I lost a lot of friends; most of whom I was happy to see go. The friends that remained are few, but they’re people I can count on.
My criteria, in my mind, is very generous… I’ll outline a few things quickly, but the process is far more involved, so keep that in mind. The primary rule is that we’re friends first. None of this “you only call me when you need me to do something for you” shit. Which isn’t to say I don’t help my friends, it’s just that, if we never hang out with no expectations of “help me with this thing” then I start to feel like the guy you call when you need free labor. That’s a big one. The remainder of the rules get a bit more nuanced, like my friends need to be able to take a joke, I don’t want to walk on eggshells around people who are supposedly my friends. Their humor must be compatible with my humor, I don’t want to feel like I’m holding back on witty banter because I know it will be taken wrong. There has to be a balance in terms of financials, I don’t care how much you make, but I’m nobody’s free ride, sugar daddy, or whatever. Freeloaders are cut loose. Either we split the bill or we take turns. If it’s never your turn, then I’m not going to continue to waste my time paying for you to eat and drink…
A lot of stuff that’s centralized around, be my friend, I’m not your zero cost employee, provider, nor therapist…
I feel that’s fair. But I can say with confidence that a lot of people fail to meet those requirements. Family included.
I also don’t put up with bullying or discriminatory bullshit. Be a racist/sexist/homophobic somewhere else. I don’t want anything to do with you.
I stopped trying. People don’t want to hear anything I have to say, anyway. It’s probably better this way.
Ah don’t think like that, mate. At worse you need some new friends but I guarantee there’s people out there that match your weird
I see this advice often, and in most cases it’s true. But most people with these issues are young and have lots of time to turn things around. I’m 40 and had my chances and blew all of them.
I immigrated for the second time in my late 30s and lost all my friend circle all over again and then found new ones. There’s a lot of people in the world so no reason to stop looking.
Always time to change, even if you only get a few years to enjoy it. I respect the dejectedness though.
Dude I’m almost 42 and have had this mentality for most of my life, but am still making new friends. Defeatism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t mistake that for it being correct initially.
I feel this deep in my bones. I used to feel like this all the time.
What worked for me is that most of the people who make me feel this way, I realized, are not people I care about. So I just stopped giving any shits about them or telling them anything.
I dunno if that’s a great way to handle it, but it’s how I get by.
Yeah, it’s difficult when all your friends and family are people that you don’t want to talk to.
Yeah. I also stopped associating with folks who don’t make me feel good.
Obviously every relationship, including friendships, will have their fair share of difficulties, so there’s kind of an allowance for how much BS I’m willing to take before I call it quits on continuing to associate with someone.
There are no extra allowances in my policy for family.
After adopting this policy, I lost a lot of friends; most of whom I was happy to see go. The friends that remained are few, but they’re people I can count on.
My criteria, in my mind, is very generous… I’ll outline a few things quickly, but the process is far more involved, so keep that in mind. The primary rule is that we’re friends first. None of this “you only call me when you need me to do something for you” shit. Which isn’t to say I don’t help my friends, it’s just that, if we never hang out with no expectations of “help me with this thing” then I start to feel like the guy you call when you need free labor. That’s a big one. The remainder of the rules get a bit more nuanced, like my friends need to be able to take a joke, I don’t want to walk on eggshells around people who are supposedly my friends. Their humor must be compatible with my humor, I don’t want to feel like I’m holding back on witty banter because I know it will be taken wrong. There has to be a balance in terms of financials, I don’t care how much you make, but I’m nobody’s free ride, sugar daddy, or whatever. Freeloaders are cut loose. Either we split the bill or we take turns. If it’s never your turn, then I’m not going to continue to waste my time paying for you to eat and drink…
A lot of stuff that’s centralized around, be my friend, I’m not your zero cost employee, provider, nor therapist…
I feel that’s fair. But I can say with confidence that a lot of people fail to meet those requirements. Family included.
I also don’t put up with bullying or discriminatory bullshit. Be a racist/sexist/homophobic somewhere else. I don’t want anything to do with you.