Today, like the past few days, we have had some downtime. Apparently some script kids are enjoying themselves by targeting our server (and others). Sorry for the inconvenience.
Most of these ‘attacks’ are targeted at the database, but some are more ddos-like and can be mitigated by using a CDN. Some other Lemmy servers are using Cloudflare, so we know that works. Therefore we have chosen Cloudflare as CDN / DDOS protection platform for now. We will look into other options, but we needed something to be implemented asap.
For the other attacks, we are using them to investigate and implement measures like rate limiting etc.
I can sort of answer this. I used to take part in mass DDoS attacks back in early 4chan days. The “firin ma lazor” days.
Sometimes I could have argued it was justified, like when doing it against the Westboro Baptist Church. Other times it would just be against random groups for the sake of fun.
The enjoyment for me came from the idea that I was making other people as miserable as I was. That wasn’t the conscious thought mind you, but it was the driving force. Bitterness and hatred. A monumental self hatred and loathing that made me want to hurt everyone, especially those who were happy. Felt like it was wrong that they were happy. I never had a moment of peace. Why the fuck should they?
Can’t say I still don’t feel that but I generally don’t take it out on random people anymore. I was an idiot kid lashing out because I had no one. No friends. No family. No hope. The only difference between me now and then is I recognize that’s the problem and I don’t direct it at others. I just self internalize it until I reach a breaking point.
I wish you the best in life and that you will feel happy again in the future and find your inner peace! *hug*
deleted by creator
Have you considered drugs? Maybe a prescription to some anti depression meds or maybe just some magic mushrooms. I hope that your life becomes more tolerable and you can find some kind of balance.
I have family members who have struggled with anger and depression. In my limited sample, the ones who have never been happy have had chemical imbalances, and most of the issues went away when their chemical systems were managed. If you haven’t spoken with a doctor about it, you should really consider it. There isn’t a lot to lose, and there’s an awful lot to gain.
Whatever you decide, good luck and I hope you can find some inner peace.
then let me correct my previous comment. i hope you will find happiness! i know how bad it feels, so i wish you with my full hearth that you will be happy! you deserve it, never let anyone tell you otherwise.
This reminded me of my first time using mushrooms. I realized I had never known love or peace.
I dunno if respect from online strangers does anything for you, but you have mine. Takes some maturity to get to the point where you are.
I am curious about how you perceive various things, since this kind of thinking is a bit foreign to me, but a public forum is likely not the best place to dive in. I am curious about what kinds of things you find satisfying, what you imagine happiness to be like, what kinds of things you desire, etc. General human condition kind of things.
I imagine that lots of people feel like you do, but we, as a society, don’t understand it yet. I think if we did, we could make progress. Maybe I’m too idealistic, i dunno
This. When you’re life sucks and you don’t know how to deal with it all, there’s something viscerally satisfying about the idea of making other people hurt as much as you do. It’s a really infectious mindset, too. I wish I hadn’t found 4chan when I was in my early teens, because I’m still trying to manage that need to be cruel. As long as Lemmy.world is an easily kickable sandcastle, it will be kicked.