Not actually a shower thought; this occurred while waiting in line to cross the border from Canada back to the US. In fact, I had a double “I told you so” for my wife in that line, and she clearly knew it. The past 3 years we’ve visited my wife’s parents over the holidays but I’ve always said I want to get back across the border before New Year’s Day in part because traffic would be better, but this year with the dates she convinced me and insisted we never have to wait at Champlain so it would be fine. As we approached the border and message signs announced waits exceeding an hour I had my first one. Then as we were waiting in line I noticed there was basically no line for the NEXUS lane, which I’ve been pushing for years but she felt we didn’t need because the application sounded complicated and “we never have to wait” at border crossings.
I’ve become more and more empathetic with age, to the point where I sometimes feel bad about being correct and in a “told you so” situation. It’s weird. I have found myself couching it with like, “well it was confusing, and I get why you thought it was X” or, “Oh wow, I thought I was wrong and you were right. That’s surprising actually,” or whatever, to soften the blow.
I think what it comes down to is: I don’t want to make a person feel bad for being wrong about something because that’s how you learn. I probably overcorrect a bit though…
I know how it feels for people to both humiliate and give grace, when I was wrong, so giving grace feels weird at a time, when we’re socialized to abuse (noun, verb, take your pick), but it feels so good when equilibrium is retained or restored, from that grace.
Balance is tricky, because we’re all individuals in a collective with our own wounds to navigate.