First off, I woke up depressed yesterday morning. Next, I couldn’t sleep until very late last night while my fiancé could easily and quickly get to sleep.

I wanted to sleep too but couldn’t, and I also needed a good cry during to being so depressed all day. I cried myself to sleep and eventually used lavender body spray to fall asleep. It seems that’s the only thing that helps me.

My fiancé can’t be there for me 24/7, and he can’t be there for me when I’m sad because it’s 2 a.m. and he’s asleep. It’s just impossible.

And I really do love him, I’m attached to him. I feel really sad for him due to his family and life, and I really care about his well-being and I love him a lot.

Sometimes I worry I’m not good enough for him, though. He, for example, likes video games and wants me to play them. I only like Minecraft, Roblox, those “chill” games. He said it was fine that I didn’t want to play, but I also have bipolar and felt extremely guilty for it. Plus, I thought when he texted “Why don’t you wanna play 😭😭💀💀” he was mad even though that’s just how he texts.

I eventually realized he wasn’t though and it was my depressive feelings acting up. The last thing I want to do, though, is make him sad or break his heart. I’m feeling a lot better today, though.