… And at worst, actively making your bedroom less functional and more cumbersome to use. The arguments I hear in favor of it are completely asinine and I will address them one by one.

1. It makes it more comfortable to sleep in.

I have absolutely no idea where that comes from. Do you all sleep like Dracula? My bedding is usually tussled about within minutes of me laying in bed. Blankets balled up for knee support, one leg sticking out for temperature venting. I couldn’t imagine sliding under the covers and laying perfectly supine like Vladimir Lenin.

2. It doesn’t take much time, so you might as well do it.

I find any task not worth my time to be a waste, so unless it has a purpose, it is actively infuriating to do.

3. It looks nice. And an unmade bed looks lazy

Given that this is an entirely subjective reason, I can’t exactly “disagree” with it. But if there was someone I trust enough to be in my bedroom, I’m not going to waste my time convincing you that I do not, in fact, sleep in my bed.

Not to mention that if you want to nap or even sit on the end of the bed, you have to make it again. It is an incredibly unstable artwork, making me avoid using my bed unless I really need to.

If you make your bed, I have no judgment for you. Just like people who fold designs into the ends of their toilet paper. I couldn’t imagine caring about something like that, but it literally doesn’t affect me at all, so go nuts.

But I think we should be honest and call it what it is: some kind of shameful cleaning ritual that is probably some vestigial military chore, and I want nothing to do with it.