Bit of a story, and I’m going somewhere with this.

I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness. They have all sorts of internal propaganda about how JWs are the happiest people on earth. You must be, because after all this sacrifice, you’re going to be in Paradise™ forever and pet lions. That’s what they want to do. Pet lions all day. I’m only kinda joking. Other exJWs will know exactly what I mean.

Anyway, there was a period where I was planning my exit strategy. Since they strongly discourage having any kind of relationships outside of the religion besides strictly business ones, I had to have a plan where I would have some kind of personal social net while keeping it a secret from everyone on the inside. Largely succeeded; I met someone who I eventually married, and made a bunch of other new friends as well. Nobody knew a thing until the day I publicly said I wasn’t going to do it anymore. When I say that I was an attendant in the Hall at my very last meeting, other exJWs will also know what that means.

To come around to my point, during that whole period, an elder came up to me and said “you know, you seem happier of late”. Which was true, and he had no idea whatsoever how damning that comment was.

This really made me smile, because it made me think of some of my most cherished friendships.

For much of my life, I felt it necessary to dampen my authentic self, because I felt like I would inevitably be “too much” for people. Nowadays, I privileged to know people who match my energy and then some