See you later!

Not if I see you first.

“I love that you’re not afraid to say just whatever comes to you.”

One I came across in a novel I’m reading just now: “I wanted to tell her how happy she must be as a married woman now that she no longer have to bother with looking attractive”.

The ol uncle Iroh

“Wisdom has been chasing you all your life but you have always been faster”

Bad sarcasm me and my friends do

Any response to “ive been thinking” that is shocked. Like “Wow. And?” Or “good for you”

or any form of “yeah, youre getting there”

Basically rember that perfection is impossible and that comparison is the thief of joy but be a dick lol

This works only in Dutch. I used to work in the service industry, where every now and then you’d have rude or ungrateful people.

In Dutch, the formal way of saying ‘thank you’ is ‘Dank u’, but that’s very close in pronunciation to French ‘dans cul’, meaning ‘in the ass’.

So with people I secretly loathed I would thank them with an ever so slight French twang.

You’re excused

Well, not terribly subtle, but if you are fighting with your spouse and they complain that you never say anything nice about their family, you can respond with:

“Well, I have to say that your in-laws are better than my in-laws”

You’re at the top of the bell curve!

Some I’ve collected over the years.

• “At this point, you can only impress me.”
• “My opinion of you can only go up from here”
• “The bar was on the ground and you brought a shovel.”

• “Would you think less of me if ____.” “I could never think less of you.”

  • Britta says “nobody respects me any less as a political activist, right?”

    Long pause…

    Jeff: “the level to which we respect you as a political activist has definitely not changed”

• “You aren’t the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don’t die”
• Unencumbered by the thought process.
• “I’m guessing you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling.” - Malcolm Reynolds
• “My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.” Malcolm Reynolds
• “You’re the reason we have warning labels.”
• “They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place.”
• “It’s impossible to underestimate you.”

  • “Don’t underestimate me.” “I couldn’t possibly.”

• “If you were half as smart as you think you are, you’d be twice as smart as you really are.”
• “If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid.”
• “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
• “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln
• “May I ask what’s on your mind, if you’ll forgive the overstatement?”
• “You could hide your own Easter eggs.”
• “I can explain it again, if you’d like, but I can’t understand for you.”
• “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.”
• “I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong”
• “Your secret is safe with my indifference.”

You seem like management material.

“I’ve never heard anyone express an option like that out loud before.”

“What a unique approach to the problem!”

“I bet you played football in highschool, right?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’d look good in a uniform?”

“I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are”

The only one I’ve ever pulled off on the spur of a moment unintentionally is when my asshole stepdad broke his foot and I ended up casually quipping to him, “you gotta work hard in order to get a leg up in the world”.

The series Ted Lasso is chock full of these, but my favorite was after Jade meets Rupert and he leaves, she says, “Well, he seems rich.”

Like it almost sounds like a compliment, but only if you lack the self-awareness and empathy of someone who isn’t rich.

You remind me of myself