I have an engineer’s heart but not an engineer’s brain. I can fix just about anything and I love thinking about how things work. I work best when I’m solving problems.

But I HATE math. My brain immediately checks out, and it was the only subject I struggled with in school. Academically, I’ve always just clicked more with history and language. I just knew I could never be an engineer because of the amount of math and physics required for an engineering degree. I ended up going for a teaching degree and now I work in museum education.

I write science fiction, mostly, and dip my toes into other genres of speculative fiction (horror, fantasy, alt history, etc). I read these genres extensively, which has made me realize what “works” and what doesn’t from a story/character/concept standpoint. Reading in general has also greatly contributed to my vocabulary. I definitely take a lot of inspiration from other writers - currently some of my biggest inspos are Kim Stanley Robinson, Sheri S. Tepper, JG Ballard, and Ray Bradbury - but I find that the more you read, the easier it is to interweave elements of different authors without being an obvious imitation.

I should also note that I’m not a published author, just someone who writes for fun lol

Like I said, I don’t mean to deny your positive experience, nor suggest that someone can’t have a positive experience teaching abroad. I’ve heard a lot of genuinely good experiences. But the consequences of working for a bad employer abroad can truly mess up your life in a way that flipping burgers in Fresno or filing legal paperwork in St. Louis just can’t, no matter how terrible the employees are stateside. Burger King can’t hold your passport hostage.

I also think OP’s mental health status shouldn’t be discounted here. A lot of the negative experiences I’ve heard are related to loneliness and mental struggles working abroad, especially in countries where English-speaking mental healthcare is lacking or absent entirely. It’s one thing to be depressed, young, and isolated in your home country. It’s a whole different beast to be depressed, young, and isolated in a country where you don’t even speak the local language, and where the closest familiar face is several thousand miles away.

I feel the need to reiterate again that this isn’t everyone’s experience, just that working abroad is a huge commitment and needs to be considered from every angle. I’m glad you’re here to share a positive perspective!

Try to learn to value yourself for something other than looks. It can be HARD and takes real work and introspection, but you can learn to decenter beauty from your life and shake off the self-hatred. It won’t necessarily change the way people treat you, but at the very least, a sense of self-worth will give you some armor.

To be clear, I’m an objectively ugly woman. Fat, pale, frizzy haired, extremely asymmetrical, the works. Things that have worked for me have been pursuing hobbies, solo travel, reading a whole lot, getting into fashion, and seeking therapy, of course. I also find it helpful to seek out opinions and perspectives online from folks who don’t fit the beauty standard - fat people, disabled people, unconventionally attractive people, etc.

Sending nothing but love and empathy your way. I was in a very similar spot at 23, and I’m happy to say by 29 I think I’ve come to accept myself despite my looks.

I just finished Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica (disturbing and brilliant - nothing has made me feel that way since reading Fahrenheit 451 a decade ago), and now I’m onto Sarafina by Philip Fracassi. Going to need something lighter after this one, I think.

Melatonin - it exists in your body naturally, so I wouldn’t really consider it a pharmaceutical aid. 5mg usually does the trick for me.

Also, tension tamer tea. It comes in a box with a dragon on the side (hell yeah). One cup will put me right to sleep.

Is he a turtle or a tortoise? He’s magnificent either way! :D

Have you looked into working with the National Parks? A lot of their entry level positions only require a HS level education, and many parks offer employee housing. I’ve heard it’s quite competitive (both for jobs and for housing) but it’s still worth considering. State parks, DNR, BLM, etc. might be an option too depending on where you live.

Before considering this option, OP, you should listen to accounts of people who have actually done it (good and bad). Some people have had absolute NIGHTMARE experiences, like getting trapped in their host country and unable to quit because their employer refuses to give back their passport or other documents. And while I’m no expert, I would say that any company willing to hire teachers with only a GED/HS diploma is worth raising an eyebrow at.

Some people have amazing experiences teaching abroad - I don’t want to make it sound all bad! It sounds like you had a great experience and I definitely don’t mean to knock that. But it’s worth noting there are a fair few sketchy players in the game, and it’s important that OP does heavy heavy research as the consequences of getting involved with one of these companies can be dire.

Love love love Louise Erdrich. Her novel Future Home of the Living God feels eerily prescient.