Bryllyg

Driving on highways.

For years I have been avoiding major highways. They freak me out real bad. But recently I decided I needed to get over that fear because my situation demands it. I love where I am located at the moment but if I take the rural routes I am looking at 1.5 hour commute instead of 40 minutes.

So far it has been a good choice, and I don’t have a fixed schedule so I am able to stretch things to avoid rush hours. The more I drive the highway route I get better at it and gain more confidence in myself. But I still prefer rural and suburban roads. I don’t know where the heck people around here learned to drive but omg the tailgaters drive me nuts lol.

💖

The number of people who think they can sing and dance well but actually can’t, in my opinion, is quite large. But the best part about creativity is that even if you think you aren’t good enough you should still try, even if it is just for yourself and your friends. Check out the Carpenters song called “Sing” for inspiration. The hardest part about trying (at least for me) is getting over fear. But if you are only practicing for yourself, then there’s nothing to be afraid of. Just sing out loud. 💜

Oh wow thank you for giving me something to read up on. I feel like I heard the term before, and now I can learn more about it. I appreciate you.

Ugh. I wish this world was more equitable for us and while I do hold onto that hope, I realize the goal has a high difficulty of ever being realized in my lifetime.

However, I find at least some solace in stories like the one you shared here ZDL, because at least there is some recognition through history that this is so prevalent still in today’s society and hopefully these stories can help spread the message that this is not the way to treat anyone…

I will be glad for summer’s end. I would much rather bundle up than sweat profusely just walking 2 minutes outside. Plus I have my fleece leggings, I can’t wait to start wearing those again.

Edit: I forgot to include my answer to my own question! I have historically been a hoodie gal but I think I may try and thrift some kind of form flattering sweater. Sadly the last one I tried triggered the old dysphoria 😭

So my question is, for fall, are you a sweater gal or a hoodie gal (or both?) 😹

Starting the moving process today from my old family home to a storage space. (Please see my recent posts to learn why, as am trying to stay positive rn)

I am very lucky to have met many very awesome people over the past couple weeks and a wonderful man is going to help me move today for a couple hours. This might take me all week and I now have a 60 mile round trip commute to do it, but I have a safe roof over my head, I have new friends, and soon my things will be safe.

Some day I will make a post in an appropriate place describing my whole journey and what led me to be currently unhoused, but I will need to heal from all of this first. Just know that there are still alot of very cool people in the world and some of those people have saved my life and prevented me from sleeping in my car again.

I wish I didn’t have to leave some of my family behind as part of this process but I realized that home was an illusion of safety. It was never really safe there after I came out 2 years ago, and sadly I stayed far too long “trying to make it work”.

I will be ok, my stuff will be ok, and after this week is over I will continue to move my spirit from a place of grief and sadness to a new place of hope and love and respect and acceptance because I know that life is special and I will not waste this opportunity to hit the reset button.

💜

Things are improving. A mutual aid group has been helping me find places to stay. I am so freaking grateful that they found me a place for a month! There is hope out there when I look for it.

My current go to move for resetting is crawling into bed hugging my plushies and listen to music with my earbuds in. These days that music tends to be Cocteau Twins, Brian Eno, Harold Budd, Ora Cogan and Agnes Obel. Once I calm my brain and start paying attention to the music it ferry’s me to a lighter place for just a little while.

I hope your week gets better 💜

Éowyn

That is an awesome suggestion. I actually watched the entire extended recently while I did some things to get through those things with a little less boredom. I will have watch them again soon! Ty!!

What are ya’ll’s go to comfort moves when life gets you down? What cheers you up?

For me, it’s creating something. Channeling negativity into positivity. But creativity isn’t always viable. The muse is fickle.

What sparks joy for you?

💜

I mean, you still did work, right? I say it counts. 😉

CW, DV

I have a court case pending on Wednesday and will finally be free of abusive family members. Sadly I am the defendant. I understand why the rules are the way they are, but sometimes rules that are meant to help victims are used by abusers to further victimize. I am fighting this to get it off my record.

I am safe in hotels and looking for shelters and couches, and am finding new friends. I started writing a daily positivity journal to combat the trauma loops. I will survive this.

Great name! Hi Alethea, how are you doing today?

After being temporarily ejected from my birth parent’s home on Monday evening under false pretenses, this week has been one of the worst weeks of my life. She has been increasingly transphobic and unsupportive from the beginning and it came to a head this summer after I changed my name.

It is really sad because I am certain she has been gradually affected by cognitive decline and recently it has gotten worse. I was her caregiver for 10 years. Life sucks like that sometimes.

I will defend myself in court in 3 days. She was ordered by the judge to allow me 1 visit in between to pick up more of my belongings because I was only given 5 minutes to do so Monday night by the cops, and of course they show up late at night so I was quite groggy. Sadly, the cops have not called me back yet so in anticipation of her defying the judges order, I splurged at a thrift store and bought a cute black and white mini dress and a black purse to match. And hell ya I am wearing it to court. If I go down, it won’t be while wearing a T-shirt 😹

I had one advantage in my current situation, in that I have been anticipating something like this happening for over 3 months. So I already had a backpack prepared. I kept all my identity documents in it, including all prescription medications, my pill planners, my laptop, charging cable and brick, and a copy of my name change order.

This forward thinking saved this girl’s behind because I had to apply for shelter and SNAP on Thursday and found out that the State I live in, which is one of the better ones for trans folks, STILL had my dead name somewhere on their back end computers. So the guy is looking back and forth between my application and his screen and finally he said, something is wrong, your name doesn’t match your SSN. I was very upset internally but I put that emotion quickly to the side and explained that I was fairly certain that I had my new SS card in my car. He allowed me time to go get it and moved to the next person. Folks, I even had the letter they sent me saying ‘your name change was successful and your card is on its way but you can use this to start updating other things.’ This state tried to screw me over when I updated my medical insurance with them as well. It took fully 1 month to complete and I had to hound them about it. So if you change your name, be prepared for several follow ups with everything you change it on.

If you or anyone else is coming out to people that you live with, please prepare a backpack like this. If things even seem a tiny bit rocky, If they do not immediately embrace your identity, start preparing for the worst. Better yet, prepare before you tell anyone. Please pass along my story to anyone you wish.

I am alive, I am safe, and I am attempting to heal. I have an amazingly awesome therapist and supportive queer community. I was able to create accounts to allow myself to receive donations on the second day I was unhoused because I had all my information at hand. And the community rose up to meet me and try and arrange friendly couches which I will start relying on after the hearing. I have received money from complete strangers. Sometimes life kicks you down with one foot and helps you back up with the other… foot. Ok that line needs work. I still have my sense of humor 😹

I slept in my car on the third night by choice but I wasn’t prepared enough for that. I received amazing advice from people, you can check the thread I posted last week.

I am truly blessed and have started making plans for what I will do with the rest of my life. I am already 54 years old but I think I got another 25 or 30 years left in the tank and I will not give up.

I have worked on compiling a defense and hopefully I can get a public defender as my previous law firm is super busy now. As far as I am aware, the worst that happens Wednesday is that their bogus protective order stands and I will be officially evicted. Fuck it, get me the fuck away from her and the other 2 family members enabling her shitty behavior. I may lose my whole family over this. But I don’t care anymore. It’s up to them to decide who to believe.

Sorry for the huge post. I needed to say a lot, I guess. I have concentrated hard on self care and used some of the funds I was given for 5 nights in the best cheapest hotel possible. Tuesday night I will stay near the courthouse in an even more comfy hotel. I can’t stay in hotels forever and I know this. So I will spend my time finding more friends, learning spanish, creating music and learning how to live and navigate life as another person in between the cracks of society.

I am truly happy and blessed, and I am convinced there is more for me to do on this planet. Thank you for indulging me in this space. 💜💜💜

I am currently at a huge crossroad in my life and moving forward into the unknown by the seat of my shorts. This song is really helping me:

Ann’s Jam by Chastity Belt

Specifically the refrain “thinking, ‘This is a start’” And the counter balance harmony “It doesn’t have to work out…”

No matter what happens in my life, this is a new start and it doesn’t have to work out because I can always start over.

💖

Mia Violet’s memoir is called “Yes, you are trans enough.” I was maybe 4+ months on HRT when I read it, and it really helped me to corroborate my feelings focus on what was most important to me in my transition.

There are other great memoirs out there but that was the one that hit me the most.

The other thing that super helped me figure things out was therapy.

I wish you peace in your journey of self discovery. It can be a very daunting thing to face.

Wooooo boobies yayyyy 💖

:3

“… And Lenny Bruce is not afraid…”

Good luck out there everyone.

Oh ya, i heard about this on public radio. It’s moving at like 8% of the speed of light. That is faaaaaast.

As someone that has visited the center of the galaxy in a video game (Elite Damgerous), it would be freaking wild if the game developers could take these kinds of findings and add it. It would make visiting Sag. A way more exciting lol.

💜