NevelioKrejall

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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 13th, 2023

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  • Mine isn’t this bad, but I can relate to the first-day-on-Adderall thing. It was wild when I walked into my messy bathroom an hour after that first dose and my brain just went: “It is possible, even reasonable for you to clean this bathroom, in a finite amount of time, without every moment filling you with dread. This task will not consume your whole life day.” My brain had simply never done that before. I could just choose to do something and–perhaps more importantly–to stop doing something. I remember I was hyperfixating working on a hobby project at 11 PM on a work night and my brain went: “If you stop working now, brush your teeth and go to bed, this fun project will still be here for you to work on tomorrow. You don’t have to keep at it until 6 AM and then go to work without sleeping.” That seemed like such a foreign concept at the time. It was weird to hear that from my own brain, not in a “you’re being bad” way, but in a “it’s going to be okay” way. There was a lot of happy crying those first few weeks.

    Just wish I’d been diagnosed in college instead of in my mid-30s. I might have graduated.

    People like to throw around the word ‘lazy’ but it’s more like I can’t turn it on OR off unless I’m medicated. Once I’m in the zone I will work until I grow a beard, then wither away, then my crumbling skeleton grows a beard. It would be a powerful thing if I could aim it.




  • Get a little sketch book or tablet. Every time an ad comes on, draw an object (or dog! Or person!) in the room with you. Try to do the whole sketch over a single ad break, focusing on the biggest, most important shapes first. You’ll learn to draw very quickly.

    If you already know how to draw, draw. Use it or lose it!

    Disclaimer: am artist, possibly biased. Doing art for its own sake is fun for me, so it doesn’t need to have a ‘point.’


  • 10, if that’s as high as it goes. I’m judging ‘perversion’ to be a combination of ‘conceptual distance from normative sex’ and ‘the degree to which the average person would be horrified by it.’ I don’t get banned from places because I’m not a jerk, but there aren’t any ‘communities’ for what I’m into anyway. I don’t think my thing even has a name, really. For that matter, it might not actually fit on a scale like this where the assumption seems to be ‘sex plus some stuff.’ My therapist thinks I should write a book about it.

    It’s kind of lonely, and it’s a pain in the ass to find porn (I usually have to just make my own) but I did get lucky in that none of it involves kids or animals or anyone incapable of consent.





  • Looking back, I understand it. At the time, it was devastating. I was depressed, had lost my job, and hadn’t learned to enjoy my own company yet, so I hung around constantly needing his attention. He didn’t sign up to be a therapist. He was as gentle as he could be about it, but it still hurt to be abandoned at my lowest point. I needed the wake up call though. I’m doing much better now.