But that just normalizes the story and makes it more believable. In 1998 if you had told me that Bill Clinton had gathered a personal army to start a human trafficing ring, I’d have said that sounds made up. If you said it was an Onion article, I’d have laughed.

In 2026 if you told me trump was doing the same, I’d say “Well, yeah. It’s called ICE.”

All of the absurd things done in life in the modern day make The Onion impossible to be MORE absurd than real life. If Paul Rubens were still alive, you could convince me that PeeWee Herman would be our next president. Not Paul Rubens, specifically the character PeeWee Herman. ow imagine PeeWees Playhouse, and all the insanity, and imagine that’s just going to be the white house from now on.

Except, I could actually see that happening. If Paul Rubens were still alive, that wouldn’t seem that far off coarse from the crazyness we have now. I’d actually welcome it, because PeeWees Playhouse was never hateful. That crazyness would be an upgrade from what we have right now. So if The Onion tried reporting that, I’d read the article not realizing it’s not real…because it IS within the radius of realism right now. You’d hear that news, and say “Yeah. Sure. That may as well happen.”

Whereas if you told me PeeWee Herman (the character) would be the next president after Clinton, I’d just have to laugh at the absurdity. Today it seems just as real as anything else going on.

“Look man, this role is just a side gig for me. I’m just gonna lay here, and pretend to be dead. I get to have a few minutes of peace, doing absolutely nothing for 3 minutes, and make more money than the average American makes in 3 years. I don’t want a speaking part. That would be like…work. I just want to rest, and you guys get to advertise that Kate Moss was on your show.”

This is the vibe I get from celebrities most of the time. She, as an actress, turned down a cameo role, because she, as an actress would have had to act. And that’s too much.

Meanwhile I’ve worked in factories for $9 an hour, in 130F heat. Fucking hell.

I don’t know, but I’m willing to be your test passenger. Either my body is torn to shreds in the time loop, or I go back to 1985. I’m good with either option.

I have zero idea what you’re talking about. Has what escaped? Are you trying to open Jurassic Park? Because yes, they ALWAYS escape. Dinos go nom nom nom. Incidently enough, they only eat bad people. They’ll scare innocent children, but they never eat kids…except that one. But those were tiny little dinosaurs. The kid was way bigger than them.

It really doesn’t need to be though. Let’s say he has a shitty little rocket.

Ok. So now lets shoot the rocket at the warship. Ok, it didn’t do much damage. Maybe it was even shot down by anti-air defenses. Now try shooting 900 of them at the ship. They’re cheap, they’re disposable. Sure, the anti-air might shoot a lot down, but you’re shooting down a $3 rocket with a 1 million dollar anti-air missile.

Even if you never hit the ship, you’re causing financial drain that cannot be sustained. You spend $10,000 on $3 rockets, fire them all off all day and all night, and the USA is using military grade defenses. That $10,000 might drain the USA half a billion dollars just to defend one ship.

Now scale that for every ship in the military. Little tiny unmanned rafts basically, shooting off cheap rockets at close range, and being defended by expensive ammo. All across the ocean. With the proper planning, you could probably drain the USA’s global navy in a day without sinking, or even hitting a single ship. All without losing anything at all.

I’m not sure if The Onion has anymore purpose to serve. In the 90s, it was funny watching people read this newsletter and flipping the fuck out over obviously fake stories that let you know who around you was an idiot.

These days? You can’t make an Onion article anymore. You could write a headline that states “Trump signs agreement to nuke Greenland”.

Is that story an Onion story? Or are we seeing the same results on all the news outlets? Onion stories only make sense when the story is absurd and real life is mundane. When real life out-crazies the crazy stories, then Onion stories just come off as legitimate reporting. What else are we supposed to do with the Onion? If someone falls for it, you really can’t blame them at this point. We have a pedophile rapist president who can’t handle a small pond, but thinks he should be in charge of Lake ONTARIO.

Sooooooo…why does the Onion still exist? Don’t get me wrong, I love them. I love that they took away Alex Jones platform. But, why do they still exist in it’s current form?

Stop making me feel old, sir!

There was a post I saw a few days ago where a guy removed the entire wifi board from his TV, and it still worked. Then someone said that LG tv’s will actually seek out bluetooth conmections, and try to piggyback off the other device’s internet connection.

I just can’t see the appeal of owning a smart tv.

…and you guys don’t think apple is doing the same shit? Get a spectre. Dumb tv all the way.

Nope. Fuck off with that.

My dumbells also become barbells. It’s crazy what you can do with adjustable dumbells.

How should a situation like these be handled in the future?

By devs not using AI in their games. You did nothing wrong.

I’m petting!

You must be way younger than me. First meme I saw was the hamster dance in 1995.

Not enough beans.

I haven’t heard someone mention 9GAG in forever. Someone without context today might think it was a porn site.

The kkk just can’t wrap their heads around this.

Just because the couch is leather, does not mean he’s in an interracial relationship.

I wonder if anyone today even remembers wondershowzen.

The comic? Wait, I thought the artist was a woman, who people got angry at for having an onlyfans?