When I was about 4, I was jumping on the sofa, back and forth from one arm to the other (because the middle was lava, obviously)

Misjudged it and ended up going headfirst off the end into a china cabinet next to it, glass doors and all - I ended up missing the first month of school, 32 stitches and basically half a Glasgow smile to show for it, I’m told it looks very cool

NGL I kinda forgot about rugby, fair point

Europeans: call a game where you kick ball with foot “football”

Americans: call a game where you throw ball with hands “football”

One of these makes more sense to me… :p

Why not Zoidberg?

(V)(,;,;,)(V)

“Okay honey get inside the cuck fridge”

There’s one missing hole, a tiny bit right of the centre of the image

In the UK you can’t even buy that many at once 😆 without a prescription at least - paracetamol and ibuprofen are usually 16 per pack and they don’t let you buy more than one of each

Hold the newsreader’s nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

deleted by creator

You couldn’t make Gone With the Wind today because everyone in it has died

Gotta be Mark Knopfler - Sailing to Philadelphia

Oink oink

I’m in love with the shape of soup

Probably something to do with cholesterol

Something janky about the wheels, smells like AI…

I’ve got two - a potato ricer, basically a big garlic press you put a boiled potato in, instant perfect mash.

And one of those spiral apple peeler/corer/slicers, makes cooking anything with apple in so much faster (it’s a fiddle to clean though unfortunately)

Is that 25/80% of men will have thinner hair, or 25/80% of a man’s hair will thin?

A person and a human? So if a legal person like a company pisses it still takes the same time, neat

The word “asteroid” literally means “star-like”, because when they were first observed, no telescope could see enough detail to know what they were, so they were basically just called “those things that look a bit like stars”.

Even when eventually we figured out what they were, they were generally considered to all be spherical like tiny planets (see: The Little Prince) until the 1970s when one of the Mars probes flew close enough to have a look at one.

deleted by creator