Bag of Olding: A very generously sized bag of holding, however it unfortunately speeds up the passage of time significantly inside it. Don’t store food in it!
Harder tack: Magically compressed ships biscuits, commissioned by an admiral who heard of lembas bread but found it too expensive. His corpse was found in the harbour waters a week later.
One contains enough calories to last you a week of hard work, but you need a chisel and a sledgehammer to crack it into pieces and one hand-sized biscuit weighs 3kg. It tastes like cement dust.
Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.
The gorillas disappear after 1d12 rounds. This effect ‘echoes’ 1d6 times, effectively recasting the spell after 1d6 rounds.
Amulet of speak with the dead - cursed. Once attuned the user can speak with the dead, but can only interpret chat with the living as wailing, any attempts to speak with the living will sound like wailing to the other entity. Removing the item does not break the curse.
Band of Gorilla Repair: Once per day, can repair anything, or rather, will summon 1d4 (can be modified depending on the size of the job) massive gorillas who show up seemingly out of nowhere whenever anything near the wearer breaks or is heavily damaged. The gorillas can repair anything.
Those not expecting to see a bunch of repair-happy gorillas must make a fear check.
These mysterious gorillas are actually friendly and fix whatever thing was broken, but beware, their patience quickly runs out for anybody intentionally causing disrepair or destruction in their presence!
This sword is enchanted with fire magic!
…The handle is made of super flammable material, though, and a bunch of people got third degree burns trying to weild it. There was a massive recall.
You know what “recall” means, though? Collector’s item! These are rare af.
Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING
Bag of Communal Holding
Content is shared with all other bags of communal holding in existence. Sometimes retrieving objects involves awkward hand contact if someone else is using their bag at the same time.
Not accidentally holding a strangers hand. This is the worst one by far.
Even more hilarious if you could accidentally pull out someone else trying to retrieve objects from the bag. Would be kind of awkward getting them back to their origin though…
Bag of holding, but everything that goes in comes out a crocheted plushie version.
bag of holding, but the encantment is on the futz so it’s only like 10% larger on the inside.
I just thought of the most evil shit you could do with this.
They buy the bag and it comes preloaded with a couple lil crocheted trinkets that are cutesy and like grandma made it for adventurers. A lil mealkit, a ration pack, a lil sword and shield but also a doll. As they slowly start to realize what the bag does they remember the doll and start freaking out about what if it was a person who went in there to hide and got turned and we gotta fix 'em! Ends up being a whole quest line to unfuck the bag, the bag items and specifically this doll. At the very end they undo the doll and it turns into a wooden doll. Then when laughter/disappointment just getting to the right point, have the doll talk. Get the joke of it being a doll and they get the expectation they wanted of it being a living being they saved.
Fucking love it. Could be an easy one shot for sure. Have fun with it!
Or, a bag of holding embedded in a doll’s butt. Try being taken seriously when you’re fisting a plushie for a magic potion.
Broom of Flying Yes its a broom that allows you to fly
No one ever said anything about landing The broom cannot come down lower than 30 feet from the ground. Dismounting will stop the broom and allow you to pick it up, as long as your concious from the fall
I was hoping it stays up in the air so you have to tie it like a ballon.
That makes it too easy: just attach a ropeladder to the broom. That doesn’t work if the broom stops levitating when you get off.
I missed a trick with that
Your version maybe funnier because one of the safest ways to land is to jump into water, but then the broom is in the water too.
That would actually be pretty amazing for a beach holiday.
A magical sword that extends, but the longer you have it, the longer the incantation you have to say to get it to extend… Maybe show it some pictures of people cleaved in two, or try stabbing somewhere else to get it going.
Praytell the price on yon banana blade to your left, fair merchant? I find it somewhat a-peeling
Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.
Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you’re invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, “HE’S OVER HERE!!!” and tries to give away your location.
The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target’s with every swing.
The Tax Axe might be the most evil weapon ever devised.
Wielded correctly, in the hands of someone self-sacrificial, it could rectify many of society’s wrongs.
I’m thinking more like, set up a carnival with axe throwing for the elites. Dont tell them the axe is cursed
I admire that you came up with a much more peaceful and creative approach. But mine might be more fun, if we can get a group together.
I might actually steal that cloak for my D&D campaign lol
I was thinking something like flight but only in directions away from enemies.
Cape of (White) Flight could be fun, too.
:) I’m flattered. They’re fun things to come up with.
Scroll of summon wisp.
When used nothing appears, but you gain a speech impediment for 1d6 days.
Owo what a tewwible cuwse to put on youwselwf…
i hawe a fudden defiwe fow wabbit
How do I delete someone else’s comment?
You down’t :3
Become a moderator
ew
As always, the real cursed item is in the replies
Sweaty Sword:
Really good sword, strong steel. The handle is wrapped in living leather harvested from the palms of a cursed pervert. It’s always slightly warmer than your hand and it exudes a sticky substance that enhances grip. Smells like corn.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
Emergency Shews:
Bubble gum that turns into one time use sandals. Once the flavor runs out, you have 30 seconds before the gum expands into shoes. The sizes seem to have been printed on the gum but they’ve long since faded or rubbed off. Durian flavor.
Dead Cat Bounce:
A black bottle with a cat eye painted on it. If you drink the contents and die due to falling from a great height, you will be revived immediately and launched with equivalent force in a random direction.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
that’s some stuff you find in the lunch room of an SCP facility
It’s a furby right?
