[old joke]
Joe dies and goes to Heaven. An angel meets him and says they are going to see his Mom.
“How did you know I wanted to see my Mom?”
“This is Heaven, we know everything and everyone gets exactly what they want most.”
Joe’s Mom loved flowers, and he finds her in a beautiful garden that goes on for miles and miles. Next he visits Dad, who has a 100 story tall garage with every kind of car and a dozen different race tracks to drive them on. His favorite teacher has a vast library; his coach has a team of all the greatest players; everyone is wonderfully happy.
Then he remembers his Aunt Petunia. He asks if she’s in Heaven.
The angel pulls out a monitor. Petunia is all alone in a giant city. She goes into building after building, laughing and clapping.
“Petunia always thought that she was the only person who deserved to go to Heaven, so we let her think she’s the only one up here.”
his coach has a team of all the greatest players;
Just casually owning people in heaven.
I’ve told that joke for years, and you’re the very first person to equate “has a team” with “owns slaves.”
You might want to chat with someone about that.
I actually read the “owning” as video game lingo.
So I am imagining they are playing against a team that really enjoys losing.
What do you mean the coach doesn’t legally own the players?
What’s the fucking point of owning a sports team then?
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Isn’t that what the zodiac killer was all about?
I love this show so much.
Ohhhh this is the bad place
youCanCallMeDragon figured it out? Oh this is a new low…
yeah no fuck that… send me to hell
Ah no, all your dead relatives are there, all trapped in one room. Welcome to the barrel of monkeys, in you go.
Reminds me of a little story by Steven Fry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzfCtGFgRSk
The TL DR if you don’t want to watch the 2 minute video.
spoiler
He winds up on a tour by the mormons, The leader talks about how when you die you go to be with all of your families forever, Steven raises his hand and asks “but what happens if you were good?”. and they asked him to leave the tour
Does heaven have a den or a basement or a garage I can hang out in by myself?
The theory of Heaven is that it’s a utopian existence because it is filled with ontologically benevolent people.
Also, you’re dead, so all those biological functions that produce anxiety don’t exist anymore.
If the biological functions that produce anxiety don’t exist anymore than surely the biological functions that produce happiness and love all cease to exist as well right?
Mortal happiness, certainly. But Orthodox Christians consider that sinful, too.
Shedding one is just as important as shedding the other.
Mortal happiness? So Immortal happiness still exists? What about Immortal anxiety? Does that exist?
So Immortal happiness still exists?
Buddhists define it as an absence of craving.
What about Immortal anxiety?
That’s hell.
I’m pretty sure Buddhists aren’t really allowed in the Christian Heaven so it seems a little irrelevant. I agree a Christian Heaven does seem like hell though.
I’m pretty sure Buddhists aren’t really allowed in the Christian Heaven
Prove it. Show me a Christian Heaven with no Buddhists in it.
I agree a Christian Heaven does seem like hell though.
A bunch of people sitting on clouds, playing harps, and vibing? Seems pretty chill to me.
ontologically benevolent people
Where are these people coming from though? Surely not Earth.
Most protestant churches do not require a believer to be perfect or benevolent to reach heaven only that they have earnest faith in God/Jesus/etc.
Where are these people coming from though? Surely not Earth.
Benevolence is a human concept measures by earthlings against the behavior of other earthlings. Earth is the only place it could come from.
Most protestant churches do not require a believer to be perfect or benevolent to reach heaven
I mean, YMMV by sect. But they all generally hold that some aspiration towards perfection is a requirement.
Death becomes a means of unfettering the individual from infernal constraints and self-actualizing. The rites and rituals of the faith are about pursuing perfection and pointing yourself in the correct direction.
Everyone has their own idea of what a utopia would like, I doubt it’s one size fits all
It’s a vibe, to be sure.
But it’s also a “we’ll know it when we see it” sort of thing. Folks who want to quibble about the exact definition of utopia are going to be the last to find it.
Right, I’ve always found the idea of heaven terrifying. I’ve got access to all kinds of entertainment and gazillion ways of communicating with friends and family, and I still don’t do that while all of us are alive and I’m easily bored or unimpressed, imagine now being immortal and in a place where everyone you’ve known exists and you can’t even make excuses like work or physical distance etc., to me that’s worse than life itself
God takes off his mask, revealing he’s actually the devil and this is Hell
Always has been
Classic Lemmy comment.
Or, in Heaven people don’t have anxiety?
or joy or pain or purpose
I assumed the guy doesn’t like his family
He doesn’t say he hates them, he’s afraid of having to socialize with them.
And, if it was Heaven, they wouldn’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do.
Besides, on this site a lot of people talk about their social anxiety
Fair enough
Can I get the version with just the pets?
