Preface, nothing against those that do.
Its increasingly difficult to ever do fun things with my current friends. Now that I’m to the point where I have the space and the money and time to do pretty much anything I want, no one else has any time to hang out. I get ignored a lot, which I get, they care about their family more. But I’m the type of person who likes to host stuff and do things.
Not a huge deal to me, I’m fine being alone, but its like, man, its really fun hanging out and playing some IRL video games or just cruising or walking around outdoors etc. I guess nobody really has time as they get old though. Or maybe I need to find a younger crowd 😆 I have no idea.
In my core friend group, there’s one couple that started a routine “third Saturday” dinner party. They’d host consistently basically every month, kind of open house. If you can make it, great. If not, see you next month! It did wonders for keeping the group together in spite of kids, job changes, life disruptions, etc.
Maybe something similar would work in your case?
Yes, this works well!
I did this with my mates at the pub once a month. An hour or two over a quiet beer, no pressure, just a casual catch-up if you could make it. Couldn’t get everyone each month but across the year we had seen everyone much more than normal
I thought it was absolute genius when they first explained it when I started hanging out with them. It started with an RPG I was playing, one of the guys in that group said “Hey, a buddy might like to join us…” and that buddy was one of the people who hosted the monthly party. That was … oof, like 20 years ago.
Dammit, now I feel old.
Yeah, that is a good idea!
SLPT: Sow the seeds of divorce. Then you get every other weekend to hang out with your friends kid-free. Bonus points if you manage to stay friends with both sides, you get 50% of your friends available every weekend!
Mwahhaha
Look into volunteering some of your free time. Search for opportunities that put you out among people, do the things parents don’t have time or energy for. It’s okay if helping the community isn’t your main motivation, the work doesn’t care who does it. And it self-selects the other participants to be somewhat like yourself, especially if you let your interests drive your choice of where to donate your time.
I have thought community gardening would be fun
it is but I did not meet many people when doing it. Everyone is coming at odd hours as they get them to quickly go over their plot. Except for maybe getting it started I was only there for like 15min spans.
That makes sense. Its not really a time slot sort of thing
That’s a great idea.
Step 1: move to a big city with high rental cost in which having kids is not feasable for young families. Step 2: start a social hobby there Step 3: life the hedonistic lifestyle!
Perfect !
I’ll be honest I don’t know how much the advice will work.
The advice is simple: do social stuff, be social, and you’ll end up in a social group.
That being said, the advice is (a) mind-numbingly “have you tried putting one foot in front of the other foot” for someone that knows how to make friends, and (b) the advice is damn near useless/impossible for someone that doesn’t know how to make friends.
Personally, I’m in group B. I don’t know how to find clubs where people do stuff. I don’t know how to find a place to volunteer.
It sounds crazy in 2026 but check your local library.
I have unironically tried that. They looked at me like I was in fact crazy once I clarified that I did not wish to enroll a child in their arts and crafts thing.
hobbies
Yes, I have a million hobbies, but they dont exactly result in friends to chill with
Join a local woodworking guild.
Thats the one hobby I don’t do, I suck at wood ! I like welding tho
cons. go to the next dragon con.
Real talk. Got a small con near me that attracts some surprisingly big names. I’ve made a couple friends there not even trying.
oh yeah and small ones are almost better. I have never even been to dragon but I know its the largest outside of worldcon.
Lemmy needs a DC community
My hope with federation was that more groups would actually make an instance and a few communities around their specialty. like the world science fiction society or various large cons or like maker spaces.
Actually just saw this:
https://sh.itjust.works/c/FanConventions
Just posted Shore Leave; if it stays up, I’ll keep posting my locals and maybe other folks will, too.
Dead ass though, if you like nerdy stuff, go to conventions.
(fyi I am not sponsored, I’ve just used these and liked them)
I’m in a similar boat, but I’ve had good luck with just finding clubs and going through meetup. Even if you only go once or twice it’s still something new to do.
Volunteering is always a good option too, gets you out and meeting people and you get to help your community. The parks and food banks especially always need volunteers.
And the last one I’ll recommend is an app called Timeleft. It’s paid ($20 a month) but you get to basically pick from the events they have and either go for dinner or coffee and meet with 6 random others on the app. I like it because there no pressure, it’s not a dating app or anything, and you get to just hang with some open minded people for a few hours and chat. Everyone is identified so there’s safety with it, and after each event you get to give out (and receive) little impressions like “Who felt the most welcoming”, “who was good at leading conversation”, “who was a good listener” etc.
Either way, it can feel challenging sometimes, but the options are out there. And as always, don’t be afraid to host something and just throw the invites out, worst case people are too busy but most of the time people want to hang out, they just don’t want to plan it.
buy an island and you’ll find lots of people without kids that like them.
🧐
Many queer people, including couples. Some do of course, but the majority do not.
just cruising or walking around outdoors etc
Hiking clubs, cycling groups, and other hobby clubs. Even potluck dinners. Yeah, some older people will try to find ways to get free time and touch base.
TTRPGs
I retired young, at 38 years old, and moved back to my old hometown. All my childhood friends have since moved away from this place, so I had no local friends when I came home.
I’m now 42. In those past 4 years, I’ve made exactly 3 friends. None of which live close to me. None of which I visit more than once or twice a year.
My wife has made no friends in that time. She’s a bigger introvert than me, choosing to stay in bed 60-70% of the day and going weeks without ever leaving the house. She laments not having any friends, but then won’t make the effort to get to know anyone.
Trying to make friends later in life without kids is hard. Especially as an introvert. And it’s not like I just sit around the house all day like my wife. I’m actively going into town and doing stuff. But it’s hard to strike up conversations with strangers and find common interests.
Wait, why would you move back to a town everyone left? If i retired at 38 I’d be traveling and not living anywhere near my home town.
I feel like it is harder for women to make friends. Idk why that is.
Buy yeah its hard. I also feel like I scare people off by being too friendly, especially in today’s “stare at your phone all the time” world.
Wait, why would you move back to a town everyone left? If i retired at 38 I’d be traveling and not living anywhere near my home town.
I spent 20 years traveling the world and living abroad with the US military. I’ve explored most of Europe, Asia, a little of Africa, and a brief visit to the Middle East (that last one was not fun travel), and as much as I enjoyed it, I realized I was starting to miss my hometown.
My hometown is nearby to a massive US city, so most people here just move to the city. Or get their college education there and then move on to another large metropolitan area in the US. My hometown is a beautiful place to settle down, but most people my age aren’t ready for that yet. Hence why all of my friends have left town.
My wife and I still have plans to travel, but we’re waiting for our elderly dog to finally pass away. He gets stressed with us just being gone for a day, so leaving him in a kennel while we go on vacation might kill him.
We paid for an expensive kennel where he got his own “suite” with a soft bed, tons of toys, TV playing doggy films all day, and multiple one-on-one play sessions with employees outdoors, and he still lost 5 lbs from stress in a week! And it’s a place he’s familiar with; we used to send him and our other dog there before she passed away. Since losing his partner, he just can’t handle being away from my wife and I for extended stretches of time. He’s extremely needy and anxious.
So one day we’ll get back out and revisit some of the wonderful places we lived abroad again. But for now, we’re just enjoying the quiet life back home.
The military was stressful for us, always having to be somewhere, accomplishing something, and adhering to a strict schedule. Our personal lives were always secondary to our jobs and you couldn’t just quit. You were locked into a multi-year contract that could only be broken by doing something illegal and going to jail. So having the freedom to plan my own schedule and do whatever I want with my life is kind of nice.
Your wife sounds like my wife and I. Mine has medical issues though so has a bit of an excuse. You know I think one thing is we introverts were a bit dependent on extroverts to get us to do a few things and since covid the extroverts have a hard time even getting other extroverts together much less looking around for people they have to work hard to get to go out. If the person is not married its going to be even harder becuase the married folks are less motivated to go out.
Your wife sounds like my wife and I. Mine has medical issues though so has a bit of an excuse.
Same here, we’re both 100% disabled according to the VA. Doesn’t mean we’re immobile, but our mobility is a bit restricted at times and my wife uses that as an excuse to avoid doing things. The less she moves, the less likely she’s going to be in pain that day.
I personally just fight through the pain to be productive, and if I need to take a rest day to recover, oh well. It’s not like I have to be anywhere.
basically my wife can move around for an hour without much consequence but like 2 and she will have to recover a bit and 4 or more she will be laid up the next day. Mainly from her back. If she has good enough chairs and can go from sitting to standing the times can go a bit longer. So like we have a minivan which is actually a very good seat. don’t have to climb into it but don’t fall into it either. so if she is driving and going to places and the driving is not to long and the places are not to long in one place it works out. Does make it darn hard to be social.
That sounds very similar to my wife’s situation. Except the few times she’s feeling good, she’ll just bail on social plans as we’re trying to leave the door. I end up attending social events by myself a lot.
yeah we don’t really try as I know that will be the case. Again I don’t blame her but she can’t handle it. She does a fair amount though around the house and shopping so she does what she can within her capacity.
Own a waterfront house and or a 24 foot pontoon boat.
