so a bit like cocaine

It’s not tho.
I mean, I’ve never had cocaine, but kratom works on opioid receptors, despite not being an opioid. (I think) that’s why it makes…simply existing pleasurable? You forget all of the pain, dysphoria and generally bad stuff? Or at least it works that way for me…

I don’t want to get back into it. It is addicting, and I’ve heard horror stories. It wreaks havoc upon my digestive system, which certainly doesn’t make my life any easier. And also, it makes my sleep completely unrestful, which is just…bad.

Also, I already take cyproterone (liver strain) and bupropion (seizure risk, kratom lowers the seizure threshold). It’s great every now and then, it makes the world and my existence blissful and my dysphoria simply vanish, but taking it as often as I did (two teaspoons a day) is terrible (even though some people take 50g A DAY , which, how do they even do that? 😭).

All in all, I recommend it in moderation. Don’t do drugs of course.

Thanks. I guess it really is a human thing after all…

I’ve lost count of how many times I dreamt of being born a cis girl, with all that it entails.

I keep dreaming about being reborn into the prettiest girl in the world, wearing the princessiest dresses, free from the toxic masculinity that is violence, rudeness, loudness, whathaveyou (this is what I was subjected to, sorry for the generalization).

No actually, that isn’t a bad way to put it. I feel the exact same way…
To be socialized like a girl from the beginning, if my mom actually taught me makeup, skincare and haircare without forcing me to cut it all short right away…I probably would be a different person (in a good way).

I hate toxic masculinity. I hate how everpresent it is, that I was exposed to it…I hate that I was born this way. I hate what puberty did to me.

I’m really sorry. I hope reincarnation is real, because the existential dread otherwise, the thought of this is it gets to be too much…
Thank you for being so kind. Please take care of yourself 💜

I think if I had been born cis, and we had somehow still met, we would probably be on kid 3 or 4 by now. I probably would have ended up going down the stay-at-home mom route

I feel the exact same way. I don’t think I could put it any better.

It makes the limitations of this life a bit more bearable if they’re merely a blip in a long history spanning across countless lifetimes. It’s not “we don’t get to have kids.” It’s “we don’t get to have kids this go around.”

This is actually exactly what I do. To the letter. It still breaks my heart, but it makes the pain easier to bear…

Thanks for your kind words ❤️

In my next life, I’m starting DIY at 12 and having a normal female puberty without any damage from T…I don’t even care what anyone thinks or does. Screw them. I’m not wasting any time.

For what it’s worth in my experience life got a lot better once I hit my stride in my late 20s

I hope I experience something similar…even a bit later is fine, I just want to know that it gets better.

Thanks, kind stranger 💜

if do, minimize harm, kinda psychonautwiki[.]org can be useful

Thank you. I don’t ever take a drug without studying up on it 😆.

Really, thanks ❤️

I’ll try…it’s hard. All my friends have lives and are busy. I’m just…rotting away, slowly.

Thank you for the kind words 🩷

I post this only as an example of how these thoughts you are having are not unique

I see. This is kind of triggering, but also, I really wish it worked this way. And I’m sorry I’m not the only one with these thoughts. I wouldn’t wish them on anyone…
The same with being trans, unfortunately

Thanks. Sorry for the negativity, but the only thing that seems to work consistently is drugs. And I ran out of everything.

All of my posts, up to and including my last outfit posts, those were during the time I was taking kratom. I’m all out now and I don’t want to continue, but it really let me focus on the good stuff instead of the bad.

I just can’t find a healthy coping strategy and bupropion isn’t doing shit for me. Weed is the “least destructive” option, but I can’t get my hands on any. I’m losing hope.

Sorry for being so negative. But thanks anyway ♥️

I wasn’t gonna say it, but…

Just like Mona Lisa, a manga (soon to be anime) where people are born genderless and at 12, they choose which puberty to go through.

Yes I’m trans, why do you ask? 😆 And this whole manga’s concept is making me really dysphoric 😭

I cant wait to start prog but im only 2 months hrt

My endo actually gave me prog at 3 months, and I’ve been on and off because I keep eating it 😭😭😭

It’s completely your choice, but I don’t believe about the negative effects on breast growth when starting prog too early.
I do think you should wait, so that you know what E is doing and what prog is doing…but I’m really not worried about any negative effects on my breasts.

Ive been learning GDScript for godot (getting back into game making)

YESS, omg preach 🙏

Godot is amazing! Both GDScript and Mono are so good for making games. You go girl, have lots of fun ❤️

Mainly trying to get the hang of Rust right now. Learning some neat crates like serde, iced and anyhow.

if you want to, you can look into luanti modding maybe, you can make neat graphical stuff that way, it’s kinda rewarding.

That does actually look interesting…
I’ve never heard of luanti, but I’ll have to check it out. Thank youuuu 💜

That’s true…but I also don’t see NSFW content (and I have quite a bit, lol).

I fixed this by taking all of the duplicate posts, removing their thumbnails and bodies, deleting all of them and renaming them to “Trash”. They take up much less space that way, and it looks (to me) a lot cleaner again.

It’s probably not the best solution…but it works for me

I’ve kinda solved it…

Even though sometimes I get an error while posting or commenting, sometimes the action goes through. So, after doing something, I check if there actually is a new post or comment, then I retry in case there isn’t.

With the page loading…I just refresh the page. It’s annoying, but it works for now.

i also was worried that i got banned lol

Apparently our instance is being scraped rn. Should be fine in a couple of days (I hope).

You’re about to become unstoppable 🔥

Indeed. The baby fever is gonna hit me HARD 😭

Congrats on coming out to your mom, Domi!
Happy for you girl 🩵

Good job girlie! So happy for you 😊

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

I’ve been told I am warm by my bf…under certain circumstances 🤭

Don’t know about cute tho

That’s totally valid! Thanks for the feedback.

I do actually have a tight top, which my mother gave me. I’ll try it with the same skirt next time

but when i saw myself the first time with a hint of breasts in a tight top, i indeed suddenly liked myself

Girl, same 😭
I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to just wear a T-shirt without a bra, showing my brand new breasts off to the world, or if it would be too vulgar and I should hide them.
I chose the former 😆

those moments are becoming more frequent. :)))

So happy for youuu <3
Keep on slaying ❤️