It’s like watching a clown show. Maybe he should watch more porn and grow up.
Wow, that sounds intensely creepy.
everything about mike Johnson is intensely creepy
E.g. You’d definitely wouldn’t want other people to know you’re into fart-stuff.
Know what I like the most?
Cake farts.
Kids today don’t understand what it means to be cultured
Went to go see Book of Mormon yesterday w/ my wife.
She hadn’t seen it before. I went a few years ago, but she had the flu so I ended taking her brother at the last minute then.
I told her it’s from one of the creators of Southpark, and South Park is a lot tamer now than it was in the 90s. And that it’s on Broadway so it’s high-art. Which might work for a lot of the first act save for the occasional toilet or shock humor. Totally thrown out the window by the end though.
Brown queefs.
“Visit our sister site, pudding farts…”
I rip farts far too indiscriminately for that to be a secret, but I understand the sentiment.
I’m fine with it as long as there’s no sediment.
Me too buddy. Me too.
I read this as your farts are sentient.
They have an accent, so it’s possible.
Oui.
I cannot confirm that they are not.
I know. I have the records.
Yeah, this is even creepier than that Indiana coach who kissed his son open mouthed.
Or that whole Gym Jordan buttsex thing with undergraduates.
Accountability sounds creepy??? Okay, y’all are dipshits.
Speaking of creepy, holy shit lmao
Would you be okay if he and his son monitor each others masturbation frequency? Do you have any bar that seems excessive for a father/son relationship?
Yeah, that’s fucking weird. Fathers and sons are meant to compete which is why my dad and I still hold our semi-annual Jerk-off Jam; I’ve won every single one since 2016. All the witnesses at the cemetery can confirm this.
You should really use different days than Mother’s Day and the anniversary of your moms passing
Weird assumption. My mom’s still alive, who do you think drives me to the cemetery on my dad’s birthday and the day of his passing? You think I’m gonna be a quitter just because my dad gave me the ultimate handicap?
Hey, have you ever cried so hard that it made jerking off in the cemetery almost seem redundant?
What kind of a fucked up question is that? Of course I have. I only thought it was you mom who died because I saw the two of you in the cemetery and your mom had a hairy back. I know this because I was hiding behind my dads tombstone checking out your moms hairy back while I was jerking off and crying. It’s good to know it was your mom cause I was worried it was gay and that would have been so weird.
I nominate your comment for Creepiest Comment Of 2023.
How much porn does your dad look at, and how do you hold him accountable when he comes?
Accountability?
1/10
Made me reply
That’s the best shit I’ve read today lmao
That headline is… incredibly inaccurate. They’ve pledged to each other to avoid porn, and have software that throws an alarm (visible to each other) if they view it.
“Monitor Each Other’s Porn Intake” implies that they are seeking out porn and sharing it with each other, which is not what is happening here.
I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here, but father and son sharing porn links is not one of them.
Also, I imagine young Mr. Johnson has at least 1 Android tablet or other burner device that is unknown to Dad.
I mean when I read “monitoring each other’s porn intake” I assumed it meant “monitoring how much porn each other watches”. And considering who it was, I assumed that was for the sake of making sure that they didn’t watch any porn. I did not at any point think that they were sharing porn links with each other, because that’s generally not what monitoring someone’s intake means.
Intake implies there is some consumption to begin with
Not necessarily, it can also involve monitoring if there IS intake in the first place.
Yes good point. It still seems like an odd choice of word if that was the case though
“It sends a report to your accountability partner.
Depends on what is in that report. If it shows visited links. That would also make it pandering to a minor.
No, what monitoring in this context means is to be made aware of each other’s porn INTAKE, or how much is being consumed and when, which the software is said to do. Nothing is suggesting they seek porn out to share content with each other, just that they are alerted when the other accesses porn.
I’d bet youre right about the alternative devices though.
I wouldn’t be shocked to find there’s something to the jokes.
Sexually repressed conservatives usually have freaking weird kinks.
Yeah seriously just be into pain like the rest of us
In any other context, “monitoring intake” implies that the monitored party is consuming a quantity of the thing under discussion, and that the monitoring party is getting a report on what, when, and how much.
You wouldn’t say “monitoring food intake” about someone abstaining from food, or “monitoring alcohol intake” about someone maintaining sobriety. You’d probably say “fasting” or “avoiding alcohol”, or similar language. Such language should have been used here for clarity, IMO.
People on the thread are responding like they are reviewing each other’s porn, because the language encourages that misinterpretation.
“son, i’m going to be fasting from my big tiddy goth gf porn, care to help me out?”
Nope, still sounds fuckin weird my g
Yeah, I don’t really care if it’s none. “Hey son, I know we’re both going to be tempted to look at porn on the internet so I’m buying us an application that sends random screenshots from our computers to each other to ensure we don’t consume any. Please hold me accountable if you see any porn on there.”
Like no, that’s the most charitable and honest version I can think of and it’s still not something you should ask your kid to do. Even if the kid was 40, it’d still be fucking weird. Like you have a wife. Or presumably a church where they’d probably gladly help you with this.
But also why do you need this at all? The whole covenant eyes thing just as a concept concerns me. It’s like if teetotalers had random breathalyzers despite never having drank. AA isn’t that invasive and they’re already addicted. They’re acting not only like porn is the most addictive thing in the world, but like you’re inherently addicted to it for existing.
I just looked into the app being used here, called “covenant eyes” and it seems your interpretation of the phrase is actually more correct, unfortunately that makes the headline even less misleading. You are indeed able to see and review exactly what content was accessed that set off the alert.
If you watch the “How it works” intro video on their site it seems they are literally monitoring and reviewing each other’s porn intake.
Nah, I didn’t read the headline thinking that they were sharing links with each other. It read to me like he and his son are holding each other accountable for how often they pleasure themselves with porn, and that’s incredibly fucking weird and inappropriate. While I think it’s generally a positive thing to be open and honest with your children, there is definitely a line. And this totally crosses that.
Yeah I was lucky enough to be raised by a sex positive mom. As a young child I called body parts by their names because they’re just body parts. Any questions I asked my mom got a truthful answer to the best of her knowledge and as appropriate as possible to my age. There was an understanding that if I was old enough to ask I was old enough to know. That was incredible for me. I have a healthy sex life in part because of this. I also don’t know anything about my mom’s sex life except for the time I found her copy of 50 shades, and the fact that my parents couldn’t stand each other for over a decade.
This is so much weirder and honestly depending on the son’s age it sounds like it could be adultification. A child shouldn’t be responsible for holding a parent accountable in general, but for this it’s just yikes
Also, everyone is reading this as some kind of creepy weird sharing kinks thing. Guaranteed this is just overbearing parenting 101. Anyone raised in or around extreme Christian groups reads this for what it is: child monitoring software and forcing your values on your kid.
I am sure your 17 year old signed up, wholly voluntarily, to not look at porn. I’m sure this wasn’t pitched as, “I’ll even do it too, and set it up so you get alerts for me!” Right as they took away a near adult’s ability to explore his sexuality.
I feel like the reason they’d have to make a pledge like this in the first place is because one or both of them already got caught watching porn.
The son is 17. If he’s not beating his meat regularly, something is wrong with him.
Or asexual. But that seems unlikely in this scenario.
I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here
Absolutely, Covenant Eyes is malware. Even worse, courts sometimes mandate it, eg in child custody cases. It’s commercialised spying from a business that has proven itselt not trustworthy.
100% this. it’s another arm of big religion. we have to defeat them
Pretty sure they BOTH have a burning devices.
Sounds like a security issue now that he’s speaker
Ah ok, that’s marginally less weird.
No it’s not.
I’d put money down that the kid set it up and has certain sites unlisted.
You could have just said “Mr. Johnson,” and “the other.”
Mr. Johnson and Little Johnson?
I did not interpret the headline that way.
The fuck
While having weekly reports sent to your son on your internet viewing and getting the same on your son is creepy as hell I think the article raises a better concern of : who else at this company can see this info and is this on his phone used for government work?
Bro these people work for the government.
I guarantee their InfoSec is worse than your grandmother who has dementia, and clicks on every single link.
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that he has a buddy system to monitor porn intake or that its his son that looks at his porn history. Guys like this only get weirder as you get to hear more of their story.
Guarantee you this isn’t optional for his son.
How did this start? The conversation had to be at some point
Well sort of porn do you look at son? Don’t worry, this won’t be a one way street. I love PoV cream pies. Now I need you to report to me everytime you look… at what was it again, trans gangbang? Oh thats a good one. Let me know if those temptresses get ya!
Like srsly. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
The reality is that it’s a mechanism of shame/control. You teach the kid that looking at porn is sinful, masturbation is sinful/shameful, etc… Then you install “accountability” software that rats out the kid whenever he pulls it up. He’s just repackaging an authoritarian, abusive household as “accountability.” They also have devices that connect to your TV and will shut off the audio (based on the closed captions) if it detects a profanity.
Yup. Same energy as a father daughter dance where everyone signs “purity contracts” and then they get a promise ring to save themselves for marriage. It’s about guilt and control and religious-based puritanism. People are making this seem like a weird sex thing with religious undertones when it’s totally not. It’s a weird religious thing with sexual undertones. Completely different!
And all this regular effort in avoiding it probably just makes the son more motivated to find ways to avoid detection. Prepaid smartphone, that sort of thing.
Yes, for sure. I always made extra effort to get access to those things most off-limits.
Um, this is strange behavior acting as righteousness…WTF. Imagine if you were his son and got pinged that your dad is watching porn. I would be totally grossed the hell out if that happened between me and my dad. I’m grimacing as I type this. Or, imagine being the dad watching porn and knowing your son is actively aware that you are doing that. What the hell would be going through your mind to make that okay?
Or, think about what the son is really learning from this relationship. Sex is bad and people should be monitored for sexual activity. Also, he’s learning that controlling others to that level is acceptable and celebrated. This kid might turn out to be a highly abusive partner that thinks it’s okay to monitor their partner’s phone at all times.
It also tells us that Mike Johnson is probably interested in monitoring people’s internet habits, especially when it comes to accessing porn. Personally, that is not what I would like for a congressman.
The whole thing is uncomfortably odd and seems like a major red flag.
This title is horrible. People complain that parental software is a huge privacy concern and not fair in a parent-child dynamic as the “spying” only works one way. Yet, here we have a Republican saying “rules for thee AND ME” and people are mad that a parent is risking embarrassment to teach his offspring something he actually believes instead of the usual Republican just pick an issue off **the list ** and force it on random adults.
Yeah honestly this doesn’t bother me (caveat that I literally just heard of this today and have zero context). It’s funny and awkward and embarrassing but it doesn’t bother me at all. I have enough other reasons to not like the guy and this doesn’t make the list.
Editing to add: okay the tool he is using to do this is weird and I’m worried that it might be running over secret government content. That parts not okay.
Except he’s the Speaker of the House, 2nd in line of succession to the Presidency, and he’s given this app access to his phone, and who knows who else aside from him and his son have access to it and whatever sensitive information that may be on it.
Yeah that’s the bit that bothers me more. If it were just his personal devices then meh, but I’m sure our officials don’t keep a clean separation there.
Edit: the more I learn about this man the more I dislike him. Wow, it just keeps getting worse.
“But you see, the real problem is drag shows and trans people!”
- Dude who shares his porn habits with his underage child.
Why would you- why??
we’re a family, sonny!
The Aristocrats!
Sharing is caring!
If this guy gets busted for being a pedo, I wouldn’t be surprised. This guy is fuckin weird.
They might even jerk each other off to keep themselves pure, who knows.
Johnsons pulling each other’s Johnsons
I will refer you to my username on this one…
“It sends a report to your accountability partner. My accountability partner right now is Jack, my son. He’s 17. So he and I get a report about all the things that are on our phones, all of our devices, once a week. If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate.”
Am I just cynical that this sounds more like intentionally training your son to avoid a paper trail from “official” devices? He’s a 17 year old boy, he is almost definitely looking at porn.
I bet he is. He probably has found some ways to get around this monitoring system. This is just so damn stupid, how can you be so naive to think this would work?
together?
