Those guys are cool and some of us men can not be like them. However, saying there is nothing sexy about wearing Nike is wrong. Nike does look good in certain situations. At a nice rap concert or at a party where people don’t want to dress too edgy. Don’t knock Nike. It’s still cool even if some of you don’t like it.
I can’t say I think so, but if you do, have at it amigo.
Too much effort to maintain a look. I would rather feel good then look good at this point in my life.
Can you imagine just walking around in modern society looking dolled up like a member of Poison? I’m sure they didn’t even go around like that every day.
Could be cool to live in a society where people do wear leather.
Some of those guys in hair metal did!
Could probably get lots of dick too. I yanked it to the Poison album cover for about a year before I learned that they were dudes, and then like maybe three more months
The Danes, thanks to their habit to comb their hair every day, to bathe every Saturday, to change their garments often, and set off their persons by many such frivolous devices. In this manner, they laid siege to the virtue of the married women, and persuaded the daughters even of the nobles to be their concubines.”
Nike dudes even starting to get the monk haircut.
Of course girl with a goth profile picture and spiders in her name thinks goth style is hot.
In the meanwhile my bald head and nike sweatpants attract eastern european girls like a lamp with moths. You catch what you fish for.Imagine if you wore a full track suit
That’s only for ceremonies
Try to complete your Gopnik style with a few items more.
You’d become unstoppable if you started walking while slav squatting.
So, Ricky Nightshade?
The problem is most average looking men, when bedecked in goth shit, look like Bluey got run over by a Spencer’s truck.
The dude in everyone’s imagination wearing black makeup and jewelry looks like a strung-out rockstar with don’t-give-a-fuck vibes who lives for adventure and wild nights. The vast majority of ACTUAL men have the body-shape of a rectangle and have to spend most of every day waiting in lines, attending Zoom calls, explaining to customers why their wifi doesn’t work (Reset the router Ethel, no that’s not a router, you’re holding an egg steamer.)
We gotta abandon the idea that people have “looks” at all times. Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up without it being some kind of shocking change to their entire persona. I had a stiff, straight-edge boss who attended a Halloween party and went goth. Completely unrecognizable, he was a legend.
Yeah, you can’t wear the same thing every single day unless it blends in with everybody else.
I’m trying to get back to rectangle, I passed on to deflated beachball…
It could be worse, you could be me, an inflated beachball on a stick.
Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up
Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”? Makup and clothes that create a different look and style?. Maybe call it “persona”, like “my social persona is male harajuku” (lol)
Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”?
Yah but it still doesn’t give men in particular the pass to experiment, to try new identities or personal expressions. I may be mistaken, but I think this was the origin of the “fancy dress party” before Halloween co-opted the idea and made it so trying out a new a “fancy outfit” is now dressing up in cheap plastic masks of stereotypes.
Back when I was a young, gay goth, one of my closest friends talked me into going out swapping wardrobes. He was(and still is) very handsome, but he is one of those preppy gay guys.
I hate the fact that our Polaroids of that night got lost. It was such fun, and although I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, it felt amazing, being a different version of myself for a night. And he felt so free, not having to worry about his hair and looks for the night, wearing comfortable, scuffed to hell boots, instead of his traditional suede shoes.
YES.
Jeffrey! This better not awaken anything in me.
You look at Jeff in that ep and tell me you wouldn’t and i’ll call you a filthy liar
bi_irl
Internalized homophobia is a hell of a thing to overcome. Some guys think those things are gay because that’s what they were told by figures of authority.
Source: was raised as one of those guys.
Nah, but the Harley biker is certainly a gay look
thank rob halford for bringing that look to the masses
Ah yes, the leather daddy BDSM iconic gay “look” that these totally hetero men who go on long trips together to scenic areas without women, and with vibrations the whole way to excite the twig and berries, and a nice massage to relax the rear end.
Bigger stretch than professional wrestling, but not much.
God fearing, homosexual hating trailer park kids don’t realize that watching two oiled up men in spandex is… well, pretty fucking gay. Not meant to be disparaging, I just mean the only things missing are penetration and a money shot.
the money shot is when they get color aka bleed. then it gets exciting
Metal is my religion,
And Judas is my Priest.
I don’t know where I heard it but I think the sound of a Harley V-twin engine sounds a lot like a throaty man voice shouting
BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER LOOK HOW GAY I’M NOT BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER
On second thought I think I heard it from a canadian redneck madman on youtube. ZipTies&BiasPlies
wasnt that a joke on south park? or did they do a different joke making fun of the same thing?
Very similar joke for sure, maybe I combined the two in my head
I had a goth friend who would always get laid without much trouble. At some point he got a normal job and had to “become a normie”, and I learned that it wasn’t because he was a goth, it was because he was a complete asshole with women, and some women, for some reason, can’t resist assholes.
Being an asshole implies confidence.
Women like confidence.
Inexperience and young girls mistake being a dick with confidence
Also, young people often are bad at determining how impressive someone is so they go off the social cues of just believing that they’re acting genuinely in line with their status. This means someone moderately attractive treating 21 year olds like they’re just barely worth their time can often get anything from sex to unpaid overtime if they sell it well and are indiscriminately fishing.
Most people grow out of it, but some don’t. Then there’s also that the pool isn’t a representative sample of the population. The mature and discriminate are easy to miss (they filter heavily), more likely to leave low investment pools like tinder because the effort/value proposition is bad, and when they leave because of relationships will take longer to return to the pool. It’s not that all the good ones are taken, its that most of the bad ones are looking.
Alright alright alright
Certain women like asshole confidence. Typically the type to write “I’m a removed, deal with it” in their bios
I’ve known many women who were very nice and intelligent, who dated assholes. Usually they end the relationship thinking “ugh, why did I do that? That guy was such an asshole.”
They do this because women are human, and do the very human thing of making mistakes and regretting them.
sometimes you dont realise theyre an asshole until youre already a year plus deep
Yeah, new relationship energy will fucking get you sometimes
yeah im still feeling the repercussions of the one i went through 5 years after it ended
They do this because women are human
Big if true
I find that spanning inferential distances is typically best accomplished by starting from obvious facts. When you say something that sounds dumb because it is so obvious, you’ve found a good starting point for creating shared understanding.
They do this because [even nice and intelligent] women are
humanhorny, and do the veryhumanhorny thing of making mistakes and regretting them.Bad/terrible people can be hot. In fact, often when people are hot they feel more free to be their natural asshole selves because they can get away with it more. This applies to both men and women in all directions.
In fact, some people want their partner to be mean to them, its more often hetero women who like that. If a guy can be mean and get away with it, that implies they’re hot shit, extremely confident, rich, and/or powerful. Those are attractive features in a guy.
There are also hetero men who want women to be mean to them, especially in the bedroom.
I can find no fault with anything you just said. Except maybe that having a thing for being abused spans all genders and sexual identities.
The women that like arseholes, believe it or not, are also probably arseholes.
I wonder if there are more assholes than normal people, so that it only seems that assholes are more successful in dating because there are simply more of them.
It can work by sampling biases. Let’s say you have a hundred marbles, 99 blue, 1 orange, each has a number on it. Each day you pull out 5, if it’s blue you roll a d20 and on a 20 you keep it out for 1d20 turns. If it’s orange you put it back without rolling, but you have to do a push up.
It will feel like there’s way more orange than any individual blue. Why? The orange is more noticeable at a glance, it changes the interaction from routine, and the blue marbles have a chance to leave the bag for a few turns and so once it’s gotten going the bag often has more than 1% orange in it.
The default on tinder is swipe, no match, but if match no conversation, but if conversation it goes nowhere, but if it goes somewhere it doesn’t lead to a date, at which point if it does lead to a date suddenly you’re thinking of this person as out of ths ordinary and may be remembered. Maybe a relationship happens which removes you both from the pool for an indeterminate amount of time
Assholes are noticeable, they’re memorable, and they’re already a few steps in. Then when they do enter a relationship it’s likely to be on the shorter end because they just kinda suck, so they go back into the pool faster.
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If there are more arseholes than non-arseholes, then the arseholes are the ‘normal’ people. That’s why I stay inside. I’m also trying reconcile with myself the possibility that I’m also an arsehole, just the wrong sort of arsehole.
Damn I need to power off. I’m like how does anyone write in their BIOS? I’m pretty sure it’s just settings. 😅
Aren’t all operating systems bi(nary)?
/s don’t @me about ternary computers
Edit: actually do @me about ternary computers, I looked them up and they’re cool as shit
LOL
It’s not that hard, the trick is using your computer after.
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Look at coreboot. You can flash your bios with open source software!
No. Hi. Asshole here; zero confidence.
Well I’d ask you to prove you’re an asshole, but apparently you don’t believe you could?
=P
No, inverse; i think it’s self evident.
Perhaps ironically, this is pretentious enough to convince me that you may indeed be an asshole.
Task failed successfully?
Or im just communicating on a deeper level than you.
Deeply communicating that you are an asshole, by continuing to be pretentious?
By showing that you are actually confident that being consistently pretentious is a good way to showcase this, despite claiming you have no confidence?
By disproving that your asshole status is self-evident, by showcasing that it actually requires a sustained interaction to demonstrate this?
I dunno, I’ve been around a lot of assholes, constantly contradicting themselves in ‘clever’ ways is pretty bog standard behavior.
implies confidence.
nope. it implies a craven amount of insecurity.
it says something though that so many people assume this, it’s certainly not just you.
Whatever. It gives off the impression of confidence. We’re trying to explain observed phenomena here, not cast moral judgements.
In my case, you’re wrong, the guy is like a tank, insecurity is not the case. I see some people trying to “dig deeper”:
- “maybe the women have insecurities, so it is them who are to blame”
- “maybe the asshole is not an asshole, he just has a childhood trauma”
No, he is a confident asshole, and his “charm” works one some women (and not each of them falls into made-up categories). People look for patterns too much. “I’m a red-piller” - lol, that’s a first.
Note, I’m not protecting the guy, but he is not a comic-book villain with an origin story. He just happens to be successful in finding one-night stands because of a personal trait.
Edit: forgotten line breaks
the guy is like a tank
a lot of people who over-invest on physical attributes have serious insecurities.
I hold to my premise. it in no way discredits him being an asshole in his coping with these issues.
Not strong like a tank, I meant by attitude. Ok, you invent whatever person you want in your head.
When you say things like “some women can’t resist assholes” it sounds like red pill rhetoric. A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.
When you say things like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities” it’s incredibly condescending, especially when you consider that women can also be assholes.
Like begets like. I’ve known too many couples where both of the people in the relationship are trash.
The amount of tone policing here is fantastic, everyone is finding something problematic about what is being said even though the actual effect is mostly agreed on
Well, to be fair, I don’t find anything problematic with saying some women can’t resist assholes.
If you were to suggest that all women can’t resist assholes, 100% that’s red pill garbage. Suggesting that the first statement is red pilled rhetoric is a false correlation, and I’m saying this as someone who is very protective of the women in my family.
That being said, I would also never suggest that some women aren’t victims of cycles of abuse. That would be morally reprehensible and delusional, to put it lightly.
Anyone can be a victim, condescension has nothing to do with that.
And anyone can be an asshole, assuming that all women are simply victims is 100% condescending towards women.
assuming that all women are simply victims
That wasn’t stated
Correcting ‘some women can’t resist assholes’ with ‘some assholes prey on women’s insecurities’ doesn’t strike you as assuming that these women are all victims?
Ok, sure — I’m not going to debate this any further.
Nowhere it was stated that ALL women are victims.
Saying that some people might be susceptible to certain kind of exploitation doesn’t imply that all people of that group alhave that issue, or that they’re somehow inferior
A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.
idk I think that’s needlessly condescending to women, not all of them dating assholes are victims, some just like assholes because they like asshole behavior because they’re also an asshole.
This also takes away agency from people. In fact, I am sure that there would be a way to diagnose every single relationship ever as a form of abuse in which someone takes advantage of someone else’s something.
Adults are responsible for their choices, and particularly in the case of “assholes”, that is often associated with being assertive, dismissive and some people just like that kind of “I am the main character” features. Maybe there are even some deep rooted evolutionary reasons for that, I don’t know. Anyway, painting anything as victim-oppressor dichotomy IMHO is nonsense.
I keep the focus where I want, that doesn’t change the asshole-victim situation, and I won’t save anyone if I change the wording.
Obviously you can do what you want, you have free will.
How about:
Many men, and women, and every other kind of human, often mistake confidence and decisiveness … for competence, reliability, trustworthiness, responsibility.
…
This is by no means totally specific to a sex or gender, it applies broadly, in all kinds of social situations, business relationships, etc, between all kinds of genders and sexes.
This innappropriate or overweighted heuristic tendency also tends to lessen with age, as people gain first hand experience and knowledge that this heruistic, this intuition, this assumption… is actually often not accurate.
…
Anybody with decent charisma, which a huge component of is an above average, but not overwhelming level of outwardly displayed confidence, stands a better chance at convincing most people of basically anything, intentionally or unintentionally.
Lots of overly confident people bulldoze into a situation, legitimately believing they were well equipped to handle it in an ethical way, only later to realize… oh, I am in way over my head, I fucked up.
Lots of overly confident people also just know they are full of shit, and intentionally bulldoze through, and then either gaslight about how they did nothing wrong, or just fucking vanish.
This again works beyond just interpersonal romantic relationships:
For every bonafide grifter con artist (crypto for dudes, cosmetics MLMs for gals), there is a well intentioned new boss or manager who basically accidentally fucks up the entire department out of inexperience and hubris…
And both of those are often aided by their natural, above average levels of confidence and charisma.
I’m fine saying “many people prey on other people’s insecurities.” I am not “making this about gender.” I was mirroring the genders I was replying to.
But you mirrored both the genders and the way responsibility flows.
Some men and women are assholes who prey on the inexperienced, some men and women are naturally more confident than most, and give others a false impression, mostly or entirely unintentionally.
You don’t seem to accept that some people can accidentally lead people on without actually trying to do that, that one person’s obvious flirting can be another person’s just trying to be friendly, that one person can never explicitly say that ‘this is a committed, serious relationship’, and another person can hear that anyway.
If you think I’m mirroring everything the other person said, why are you criticizing my words instead of theirs?
It’s not just preying on their insecurities. Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone will let you into their pants just for calling them a worthless piece of shit or something. The women in question must have some deeper issues. Because I also have a friend who demonstrated to me how you can just go on Tinder and write horrible shit to women and get surprisingly good results.
It’s not entirely unjustified or wrong though. Women are awful.
Why are all women awful?
How is this any better than saying all men are trash? How do you not see the hypocrisy?
I can tell from personal experience. It’s not hypocritical.
Women are awful.
💀
That’s just a loop like how people ask which came first… hen or egg
It’s not gay, I’m just not goth. Also you can get quite far by not being a twat and knowing when to roll your sleeves up.
Same here. I prefer looking all bright and happy on the outside to hide the darkness on the inside!
You mean because you’re in Dexy’s Midnight Runners?
No, Ive never met Eileen, let alone cum on her…
Rolling up your shirt sleeves (as shown in fig 1) is a known panty pickler:
fig 1 - dude about to get someI don’t pretend to know why, but it works.
Offset by a nice (from a fashion sense, not cost) watch? My wife would be drooling lol.
Now if only I had Chris Hemsworth’s Thor physique to go with it.
don’t care gonna keep wearing my loose plain shirts and cargo shorts and tennis shoes until the day i die
Do you have any idea how much pussy you can get wearing this shit?
I’d say an average of two divorced house wives, one assistant school teacher, one confused undergrad and half a random barrista per year.
Which half of the barista do you get
Just the ass
I’m fine with that
Killin it
Well, that’s not exactly nothing, though it may not be the something you want.
Can confirm.
Well minus the ring. Can’t even imagine dusting that off again.
It really does increase the number of people that flirt with you, because it’s “safe” to flirt with you.
I took mine off recently and there’s this air of “Oh you’re single, nevermind.”
I need to start wearing this spare wedding ring I have out places then (I think it was my dad’s lol).
Me: *Asks out the degenerate homewrecker who thinks she’s flirting with a married man.*
Her: “But aren’t you married?”
Me: “No why?”
Her: *Points to ring*
Me: “Oh this? I just think it’s neat! Makes me feel like a Hobbit.”
Ok so iow: Dad gear + wedding band = money Dad gear - wedding band = divorced and poor
You should wear two wedding rings, it’ll double your number of flirts plus you’ll seem open to polygamy.
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Eyes on your own work there super chief.
McMurray’s a piece of shit
My life is a series of unintentional Letterkenny references
I should probably watch it at this point
Pitter patter!
Every single McMurray is a hawtie. That one scene with him in his speedo got me swooning.
Where’s my pants preacher?
I - a bloke - sometimes paint my nails. If they’re still painted when I go to work you can guarantee I’ll get a few comments from guys questioning whether they “should be worried” around me*. Meanwhile, the few women who work there think it’s wonderful and have offered to do them properly for me. _ *they needn’t be worried. My standards aren’t that low
When guys ask if they should be worried around you, do they expect women to be worried around them?
Yes. And women should be worried around them.
I have thought long and hard about what would go into a mainstream, masculine nail-painting style that would actually catch on and be popular and add something to most men’s style, and not just young, waifish catboys with narrow hips, but would also benefit Carl down in accounting. (Rusty metal? Lumberjack plaid? little dicks painted on each?) And after that mental exercise I realized two things.
1 - Nothing we do as a species makes any sense and our attachment to social norms is never, ever going away.
2 - Gendered expression that isn’t just hanging a sign around your neck with an arrow pointing to your genitals is utter nonsense also. Why do so many people associate painted vestigial claws with femininity? If you paint your dog’s nails in a color you or others will start viewing your dog through gendered lenses. We are a silly creature.
Why give so many fucks about style? Who cares what anyone thinks right? Shouldn’t we all just dress comfortably and quit worrying about appearances? Focus on what matters? Meaning of course, our personalities and our humanity. People always wanna act like how we appear somehow matters. I hate vanity, which is why I dress plainly, rock a plain haircut, and don’t “express” myself through visuals even though I would “get more pussy” if I catered to society’s expectations. Instead I let my principles and morals shine through my actions, which actually have an impact on the world.
While nothing you said is incorrect from your own personal views and desires, avoiding fashion or stylistic expression is as much your own paradigm as someone who does choose to wear certain things or express themselves in certain ways. IE: choosing no style is also a style. You simply cannot escape self-expression unless you are utterly alone on an island, and it could be argued that even then self-expression will be valuable for preserving your sense of self.
Self expression and creating identity is just a human thing that we’re never going to get away from, nor should we unless we’re ready to like… become absorbed by some kind of hive-mind. We are social creatures, we literally can die without social identity.
I’d be outright ostracised, casted out, spat on if I showed up with painted nails/eye shadow to work here in England
I’m also in England, though in the South, where we’re all soft fairies.
And yeah, the response can be annoying, but the way I see it, I’m a gobby, fat, mostly-straight cis guy who’s married to a woman, so the abuse I might receive is nothing compared to some others. So if I can go any way at all towards helping to normalise something as benign as painted nails on a straight man, then I will.
It depends so much on regional norms.
Out on the West Coast of the US, painted nails on men is very common, while usually an indicator of an “alt” lifestyle or a particular attachment to fashion, it’s not entirely uncommon to see a dude in a suit with black nails and might only get a few passing comments like “Wow, you pull that off!” or “Haha, how does your wife feel about you using her cosmetics?” at worst.
But if you move East by one state boundary you literally might get cussed out or glanced at like a predator or worse, depending on how deep you go into small town mormon communities and the like.
People should do what they are comfortable with, but yes, if a guy wants to attract women, this is definitely a way to get what he wants.
I was part of the alternative scene and I also thought the goth-boy aesthetic was very attractive. All the girls did. To me, the most attractive thing a man could do to his appearance was to let his hair grow long. Like past the shoulders long.
Didn’t have to put on make up and jewelry. Just have long hair and you could be fat or skinny, pretty or ugly. Didn’t fucking matter. I’d look. If Henry Cavill walked down the street next to a nerdy guy with long hair, I would look at the nerd everytime. If he wore band t-shirts and military boots, it was game over. Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl. I have experienced both. The latter was a full date where the guy didn’t say a word to me once and I was the one who had walked 20 km to get to his place because he had social anxiety and couldn’t leave his home. Poor guy. I hope he’s doing better today.
When I was young I had so many hairstyles. I did ponytails, I did muffin-tops, I did mullets, I even did cornrows once. Having hair was fun.
The last time I grew my hair out I realized I was starting to look like Michael Bolton and chopped it off and donated it. Been shaved ever since. Growing up happens.
Yeah, if it gets to the point where the hair starts thinning that intensely, it’s better to just shave it off and bald is pretty awesome too! Don’t get me wrong. I was more so speaking from the vantage point of me and several of my female friends when we were teenagers and early 20s women. I’m neck deep into my 30s atm and at this point, looks matters very little. My boyfriend has very short hair and hasn’t worn band shirts for almost two decades but he’s still a total snack to me.
Unrelated to anything, but I just find this funny because I have had to talk to so, so many young men as an older guy who has done mentorship/coaching.
I’m neck deep into my 30s atm and at this point, looks matters very little. My boyfriend has very short hair and hasn’t worn band shirts for almost two decades but he’s still a total snack to me.
You and a hundred million women in their 30’s will repeat this sentiment all day every day. But the moment one ditzy college-age girl says on twitter that she prefers tall guys who wear expensive watches, suddenly an army of incels is born as that one take gets sent all the way to the top of every social media feed and carves out an entire new political movement.
Yeah. People like to be victims. It gives you a out of jail free card to not work on yourself if the world is against you. Doesn’t matter how true or false that is. If you want to find an excuse to not try and to victimize yourself at the same time, there is no limit.
There is sort of a sad poetic irony to the guys who value money and looks over anything substantial because they will spend all their time and energy on appearing rich and alpha and then they will removed and moan when they can’t find a girl who loves them for them.
And saddest of all: they literally can’t see that all the things they hate women for are their very own values in life, projected onto the opposite sex.
Interesting input.
Am as described, (well, part of my hair is long, the middle. Sides not so much), wear band shirts (punk/metal mostly), and pull out the boots in the winter myself, buuuuuut
Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl.
100% I’d miss whatever sly little hints you’re throwing, and even if I noticed them I’d think you’re surely just being nice and there’s no way you’re into me.
I’d imagine I’m far from the only one, not talking at all on the date or being able to leave home is a little far lol, but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward or would rather miss signals than make someone feel uncomfortable being hit on in public! I mean hell, why do you think we have long hair and like metal/punk? It’s often partially because we’re a little socially awkward/anxious, and that community is very understanding of it!
My friend, I am not remotely the sly hinty type. I am an elephant in a china shop if I decide to pursue a guy.
At the same time, I am the queen of obliviousness if a guy I deeply respect and like shows me any form of romantic attention, because I don’t believe that someone that amazing could ever like someone like me. Took my boyfriend a few months of sending literal love letters with romantic quotes and pressed flowers, a few visits to my apartment where we would just hang out and get to know each other and him telling me bluntly to my face after a few months that he had a crush on me before the hamster wheel started spinning in my head. The effort he put in to get to know me and to woo me was completely fucking alien to me because most of my romantic endeavors in the past had been me pulling teeth. So, I totally get the concept of being dumb as a brick when somebody likes you.
but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward
My guy. I’m not talking about a “little” awkward. The example I gave was of a guy with debilitating social anxiety. When I said “so shy and awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl” I mean it literally. He did not talk to me. He barely looked at me. I walked 20 km to see him at his place (which is pretty fucking stupid, but very gracious of a then 17 year old girl who just wanted this random guy she had never met, to feel comfortable) and I sat there and held a one-sided conversation afloat for at least an hour while he was a potato across from me. He was not a bad guy, he just could not talk to a girl. Probably never had talked to a girl until I came by. I gave up eventually and walked all the way back. 20 km.
I have never written a guy off for being a little awkward. Ever. What I did do was to often put my own comforts, needs and emotional well being on hold for guys who didn’t bother to give anything back at all. I have dated shy, awkward and mentally ill guys. They weren’t great to me. At all. I did all the work all the time and if I ever asked for a crumb of affection I had to deal with tantrums about how they had social anxiety or depression or something else so my comforts didn’t matter because they had it worse and they came first and I had to be more mindful and patient with them.
Being a little shy and awkward is fine. I don’t mind that at all. I mind it when it becomes what defines a person and they feel entitled to make their issue someone else’s responsibility to carry for them.
Relationships are a two way street. You can be shy and awkward and even have social anxiety, but that is not up to a potential partner to fix or accommodate for you at the expense of their own mental and physical health. That is your burden to bear. In dating you cannot sit in silence and let the other person do all the work for you and then get offended if they move on from you. If you give them nothing, they won’t stick around. Even a doormat like me ended up not wanting to deal with that bs anymore and I was lucky enough to end up with someone who understands that you need to earn the other person’s affection and loyalty. It is not owed to you.
We’re not so different, you and I.
I guess it’s a cultural thing, over here you’d instantly get labeled a social outcast or a gangster.
Where are you from? :D I’m Danish and here, being a long haired guy with band t-shirts mostly translates to “dude probably works in tech and is a massive nerd”
