I was walking around Salem, MA a few weeks ago and all the shops are struggling. When the witch hanging capitol is running low on tourist dollars…that’s a bad sign that we are about to try the pyre again
“Okay, but I’m saying engaging in this infernal transaction will enact a final, significant toll!”
“Is that the tariffs? Yeah, I heard those were starting.”
“This. Purchase. Will. Slowly. Devour. Your. Heart.”
“I 👏 Know 👏 How 👏 Micro 👏 Transactions 👏 Work”
“you didn’t understand, once you have it, you might regret ever buying it”
“Yes, I know about buyers remorse. Look, so you want to sell it or not?”
“This will eat away at the very essence of who you are”
“Yeah, I know what alcohol is too”
Why am I reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer is buying a doll from a creepy store.
“It contains potassium benzoate.”
“…”
“That’s bad.”
“Can I go now?”
Reminded me of Rick arguing with the Devil in his cursed pawn shop.
“Do I need to call the police?”
“Here, you can use my phone. Don’t worry, it won’t make you deaf because I’m not a hack.”
Making the devil want to kill himself is quite the skill…
What a waste of a Monkey’s Paw…
“Marge! Marge, look! The doll’s trying to kill me, and the toaster’s been laughing at me.” One of my favorite scenes to this day.
That’s good!
Because this post, that Simpson episode, and the other person’s comment about Rick & Morty are all based on the Stephen King story “Needful Things.”
The toppings are also cursed.
Spooky AI Company: “Enter your heart’s desire, but know that somewhere we will be harvesting priceless natural resources to fuel your hedonistic desires.”
Regular Business Owner: “Yeah, okay, give me 1M phone calls a minute to every elderly person in the country, telling them that Medicaid is going bankrupt and they need to sign up for my scamming private coverage policy. Then mint me 40B units of a fake currency called KanyeNaziPopeCoin and book me on Joe Rogan to answer fake call ins from people saying they’re dumping their life savings into it.”
Spooky AI Company: “Oh geez. That’s going to cost a fortune. We’re going to lose $5B/yr just staying operational.”
Regular Business Guy: “No sweet. We’ll bankrupt Social Security to bail you out.”
Spooky AI Company: “This feels unethical…”
Regular Business Guy: “No sweet. We’ll bankrupt Social Security to bail you out.”
Heads up sweet = taste, sweat = perspiration.
I used to type “sweat” thinking it was “sweet” until I was almost in my 30s. Then a coworker pointed it out when I said something like “Sweat, sounds good.”
My dyslexic ass thought you were just saying it with a Californian bro accent “saweeet”
Spooky Shopkeeper: I warn you, once you purchase this, there is no return…
Me: Too easy.
Spooky Shopkeeper: Very well. This is my last warning. If you purchase this, you will emerge into a hellish landscape of screaming soulless beings tearing their broken world apart, driven by shadowy eldritch forces… wait a minute… I get it now… I AM IN HELL!!!
Me: Please let me stay here. Don’t ever make me leave this store.
Speaking of atrocious things, I see an iFunny watermark.
Only those whose souls are damned will see such a watermark…
No, really. it means we’ve spent too much time looking at memes.
Capitalism is when evil.
This is a Rick and Morty Season 1 bit
