My girlfriend-at-the-time’s dirty, dirty ass. Thought it would be like in my fantasies, where it tastes like candyfloss and smells like a Yankee candle. Nope. Shit. Just shit.
If you’re curious, shit tastes exactly as it smells. I wish I didn’t know that. Although I’m happy that now you, too, know that.
And she had the nerve to dump me later. I deserve a Nobel peace prize for not recoiling in horror and instead just powering through in silence like a fucking GENTLEMAN.
On the bright side, it became a great way to ensure future partners were cognisant of the issue. I’d drop it into the usual “what was your ex like?” gossip sessions that come with new relationships. It’s like saying “please wash your various holes if I’m gonna go rooting around in them like an ant-fiending aardvark” without actually saying it. A cautionary fable from days of yore to guide the next generation.
P.S. I’m still pro-anilingus. Just… clean the fuckin’ thing first. I don’t need to be picking dingleberries from between my teeth, thanks.
What the fuck
You literally ate shit?
human centipede.
I made a reply a while back about catching H. Pilori from eating ass … but I didn’t realise at the time what had got in my mouth … I just can’t understand doing that intentionally.
For the love of dog, why?
She didn’t even like, shower beforehand??
I have only experienced the smell while having sex. We went out and after getting home I guess she took a shit and in her drunken state didn’t wipe properly cause we went after it doggy style and my god did I smell some dookie. We were both drunk and, you know, I liked her, so I powered through it. But it’s still a very memorable night.
A particular man’s penis. I realized too late that he didn’t routinely clean under his foreskin.
Was it like parmesan or…?
Piss and stagnant sweat and more.
I don’t know if I ever would have gotten circumcised if it was my own choice, but one thing I’m glad for is it’s damn easy to keep clean.
It’s also pretty damn easy if you’re not circumcised
easy if you’re not
circumcisedmutilatedImpressive comment/username combo
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prone to
doubt
Or more of a cottage cheese?
Fromunda cheese they call it.
Bromunda
Parmeeeseeian?
Oh god, I just remembered this one guy’s cum that always tasted absolutely, horrendously foul. Could not keep doing that.
Guys who drink too much coffee make me wretch
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I too, am familiar with OP’s mom.
Cat treat. Ate it on a dare. It was fucking foul. 0/10.
I used to work in a pet food store and tried a bunch of treat samples we had. They’re not very good if you aren’t a dog or a cat, turns out
I remember a food chemist telling me that one of their hardest problems was making things that smell and taste good to dogs and cats, but didn’t smell too gross for the humans.
The smell of canned cat food makes me retch.
The stuff I used to give my cat was fine, but she had kidney disease now and is on a prescription canned-only diet. The new stuff smells gross and it makes her poop smell much worse.
It’s because they’re not giving your pets the same high quality food you get.
No, that was not it at all, according to her. It’s that things that smell really good to the animals don’t generally smell good to humans. She said it would be really easy to make food the animals would be excited about, but their owners would open the can and it would smell bad, so they didn’t want to buy any more of it.
You’ve seen them eating literal poop, right?
You think you get high quality ingredients in store bought snacks and candy ?
Also this. If it’s not an acute health hazard they will sell it in some processed form.
There are posh producers who do 100% freeze dried meat pet food and treats. Even so, probably not something you want or need in your body.
I’ve tried both wet and dry cat food. The wet food was very bad, but still relatively edible. It was also the one I expected to be good (it was one of those really expensive and premium brands). The dry food, however, tasted exactly like fried anchovies. It wasn’t bad, honestly.
Edit: I’ve also tried dog cookies. Most of them are bland, because their main ingredient is actually ash. I don’t know how healthy that is. They’re also pretty hard. However, there’s a specific kind that is actually very tasty, and I liked it. It’s way cheaper than actual human cookies, so I still buy them every once in a while, as a treat. I still don’t know if they’re super healthy to eat, but I’ve never felt sick after eating them.
Live ants.
This was 30 years ago. I lived on the second floor of an apartment. I left a half-eaten bag of Little Debbie chocolate donuts on the floor next to my bed. The next night, in a dark room, watching David Letterman, I remembered and reached for the bag. I was three donuts in before I noticed the slightly strange taste, and the ant crawling on my face.
Ants taste a bit sour and bitter.
Well duh. You didn’t cook em first
Formic acid is named after the scientific name for ants, and is also known as “ant acid” because they make it.
That’s probably the sour part of the taste you described, since acids tend to be. (Think citric or vinegar)Very similar story. I noticed my second bowl of cereal was moving.
In places where it’s not taboo, people like the sour. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them on a nice salad in place of citrus.
Gasoline. Had to siphon, did it wrong, mouthful of gas.
Ooh, manual transmission fluid also stinks - literally. And it tastes how it smells. And it’s oil so now your mouth and face is all oily. Pro-tip: don’t be an idiot like me, just get the harbor freight siphon pump in the first place
I always hoped petrol would be spicy and sec (dry) - is it not?
It is not spicy. It is oily and hard to rinse out. Very unpleasant. And 0/10 with rice.
Damn. Haven’t seen a “with rice” score for a while.
Thanks for the info, I shall give it a miss. I’m sorry you had to suffer for us to learn.
Does it taste how it smells?
Yes. But much worse.
Maggots. I’ve been chasing the high ever since. They were hiding in a pineapple flavored Swiss roll. I thought the maggots were coconut flakes at first. Pina colada is a good flavor. The maggots popping like boba didn’t set any alarm bells off. It was better than the usual coconut crunch. The maggots wriggling against my gums and tongue didn’t set any alarm bells off. It was the only time I ever chewed something that felt carbonated. The lone maggot crawling across my couch away from certain doom finally clued me in. Half of his platoon just got eaten and the other half was without a doubt up next.
The same thing happened to my mom at some point when she was a kid. For her it was an Almond Joy or Mounds, which let the maggots blend in even better. Is it a once in a lifetime thing everybody experiences or a generational curse? I feel cursed with the knowledge that maggots in the right context taste like the fuckin’ future.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Carpenter’s
THE MAGGOT
Bro what the fuck did I just read?
hey bud I’ll bet your cum farts are pretty tasty ;)
It was the only time I ever chewed something that felt carbonated.
Reminds me of a Sardinian thing.
Maggots never looked bad to me. Anything plump with no bones is awfully close to a dish already.
So one time when I was in grade school I was like really into eating lots of boxes of raisins and everybody in the school gave me the raisins so they could watch me eat a bunch of raisins cuz we were like little kids and you know we’re stupid or whatever and I remember I was dumping each box one at a time onto my plate. Each one another set of raisins and I was getting picked to eat them and then when I dumped one box it came on a plate and it was maggots everywhere. Everybody was horrified because the realization sank on us. Every time you would turn a box of raisins just straight up in into your mouth. You might have accidentally eaten at magus. Some kids decided to try and capitalize and change my nickname to maggot man. But it didn’t really stick because honestly I was weird for a whole lot of other reasons and maggot man was like not really my fault anyway. So it wasn’t a big deal for me.
i mean it sounds like they were actually kinda great and not disgusting tho…
what was your reaction once you realized? did you feel sick?
I felt a little unwell but didn’t throw up. I was more worried about any health problems you could get from eating maggots. I calmed my nerves knowing that maggots are used on gangrenous flesh and won’t eat living flesh. Felt kinda bad throwing the remaining half out though.
Come on now, Mounds/Almond Joy are my favorite. Sometimes you feel like a nut, never do I feel like a maggot.
Penguinz0 type shit
An oyster
The town I grew up in is famous for them, we even learned about them in school but I’d never tried one
Finally decided to just before I moved away for university and eugh, salty mucus-y blob, had to spit it out again, poor lil guy
I adore oysters. You could have spat it out into my mouth and I would have eaten it.
Is this a service you offer for free?
For the price of admission and a belly full of oysters.
Imagine being a waiter in that restaurant
Only way I eat them is fried. Still not my favorite and kinda weird, but much less slimy.
Malort
Tastes like turpentine and grapefruit juice. The former I’ve actually tried accidentally… dipped my paint brush in my cup of water and took a swig of the other cup. Somehow, the malort was worse. Learned recently that they make a barrel aged version that they claim is
dare we say, sippable
We do not.
Somehow a friend of mine was convinced to try it, and now insists on taking shots of it every night out.
At least the taglines are accurate:
Malort: turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations!
Malort: tonight’s the night you fight your dad!
Malort: these pants aren’t going to shit themselves!
Malort: the Gary, Indiana of liquor!
At uni, the go-to liquor at our events was made from malört and we would have shots of it served up. The taste is awful and it sticks in your mouth, I hated every single one but I have never passed it up either.
Did you go to uni in hell or chicago?
I’m from Saint Louis, what’s the difference?
Good stadium nachos
Of the two, hell is probably the more accurate description (not in the US though).
Dumpster juice. That’s the best way I can describe it.
The grapefruit reference is accurate. I’d describe it as floor varnish thinner mixed with hyper-concentrated grapefruit rind. The interesting thing is the way it doesn’t actually smell that bad, but then it starts terrible and gets worse after a few seconds. I’m convinced there’s some interesting chemistry going on in there where it degrades into other chemicals as it oxidizes in your mouth.
The only remotely comparable flavor I’ve ever had is…
…Unicum, which tastes like a cedar chest smells, and I was more than a little afraid would make me go blind.
0/10 for both, would absolutely recommend if you want someone to establish a baseline for “absolute worst-tasting thing ever deliberately consumed that is technically meant to be consumed.”
Good God unicum is horrible.
Also Stroh80 is a good contender for worst drink. It tastes like kinder garten glue smells, and it lingers for the rest of the evening. I only took a sip while a friend of mine took a whole shot, and he said the whole evening every time he burped the taste came back
I am one of like less than 2% of the population that actually likes it.
To me, it just tastes like a gin that’s more…dirty? I dunno how else to describe it, but just more “dirty” pine. I actually enjoy it. 🤷♂️
I’m utterly convinced everyone just says malort is gross for the bit. It’s not that bad. There are other bizarre tasting liquors that don’t get the same rep. I’ve had it and, while not great, didn’t really live up to the vomit inducing reputation.
Name me a worse liquor, I’ll buy it next week if I can find it local, and I’ll report back.
Tasted like my grandfather’s shoes
This thread’s got me curious about what my dick would taste like.
this is how it starts
beware of the pipeline
Incoming back pain
My understanding is that it’s more like sucking a dick than like getting your dick sucked.
If it’s clean it tastes like any other clean dick.
When I was around 3 or 4 y/o, a neighbour kid managed to convince me to take a bite of a dried dog shit.
I don’t remember what he’d said that convinced me, I just remember the laughter when I actually did it… I wasn’t the brightest kid, but very curious and gullible.
I got a belly full of white dog crap and now you lay this shit on me?
Oh that reminds me of when I was like 4, one of the neighborhood kids convinced a bunch of the other kids to eat some of those cicada exoskeletons they leave on trees. I did not, but I’m pretty sure some of the other kids did.
Stinky tofu. It’s hard to describe the flavor. It’s like dead anchovies in fish sauce but with the texture of a slice of omelette. It’s like eating rotten fish snot. I involuntarily spit it out immediately after putting it in my mouth, almost like it fell out of my mouth. My hosts laughed and said I didn’t have to eat it, but I tried again and was able to keep it in my mouth but was not physically able to swallow it, like my ability to swallow was rejecting it. I spit it into a paper napkin and everyone laughed. I just couldn’t force myself to consume it.
That’s interesting. I friggin’ loved it.
To each their own. I thought it was going to be like surströmming, which I liked. I’ve also eaten durian with no issue. Stinky tofu was not my thing.
The name stinky tofu doesn’t help either eh?
And, I’m not sure if I could stomach surströmming, but I’d love to try one day!
The trick is to have someone prepare it who knows what they’re doing. Guy who made it for us opened it outside in a bowl of water to catch all the gas coming out. He rinsed it and then put it on potatoes with sour cream and chives. It was good, but we still ate it outside.
I always cringed watching videos of people open a can in a hot car in Texas during the summer to “see how bad it smells”
If you hated it, you might have been a super taster in my experience has super taster it felt like someone threw up directly into my mouth
I got some of that pre period goop in me once. I would say that turnabout was fair play for a dude but I don’t like blowies so I just got gooped for nuthin
Yeah I fuckin swallowed it, I’m not removed made
I’m not reading any more of these.
I want to stop but I can’t
Just letting you know I could have described the texture but I didn’t
On a scale of dorito to jolly rancher how would you rate it?
I don’t downvote people very often…
Egg white 🤔
Raw or cooked?
Raw, definitely
God bless
Based swallower.
you didn’t have to comment this
I don’t think blowjobs are supposed to be for the giver, if that helps
I definitely hooked up with people who loved giving head. I was happy to oblige.
Also, I was kind of out of it for a while but nowadays I love eating someone out so you know, it can definitely go both ways.
Had me fooled, people have seemed pretty disappointed if I decline one
The Elvis. The sandwich American rock singer Elvis Presley made famous. Peanut butter, banana, and bacon. Grilled like a grilled cheese sandwich.
Addendum: I am allergic to peanut butter. I got ahold of a soy-based alternative called Wowbutter, and people who are not allergic tell me they nailed the taste, but the aftertaste is kinda not good. So, the first thing I did was shove a whole teaspoon-full of it in my mouth. My brain goes “you dumb fuck, you’re gonna die,” but I didn’t, because it wasn’t toxic. So I went and tried everything made with peanut butter (BTW, strawberry > grape for PB&Js), including the Elvis. A lot of it was kinda gross. I guess if you were raised on peanut butter, maybe, I can see it, but I didn’t think the experience was anything special. Not when Nutella exists… which I also can’t have. But then there’s Biscoff spread, which is non-toxic, apparently it’s also vegan (wouldn’t peanut butter be, too?), and it’s ten billion percent better than all that other shit. Though, you would be absolutely right in saying I’ve never had real peanut butter, or your favourite variety of it.
As someone not allergic to peanuts, but who grew up in Europe, I was probably about 20 when I tried peanut butter for the first time. I agree with you, it’s meh. Not terrible, not great.
Nutella, ovomaltine, pistachio or white chocolate spreads are much better. Never tried biscoff, sounds promising.
Wait just a minute! You’re comparing sugary spreads to our peanut butter? Imma remember this next time somebody from Europe gives us shit about sugar in our sandwich bread.
I also included pistachio spread.
I’m kinda the opposite of you. I’m American and grew up with peanut butter. I didn’t try Nutella until my 20s, and while it was ok, I didn’t think it was nearly as good as what people made it out to be.
While I don’t have peanut butter often nowadays, it’s still one of my favorite things when added to sweets, like peanut butter cups or peanut butter fudge. Peanut butter + chocolate is a heavenly combo.
It certainly has a nostalgia component
nutella and biscoff pretty sugary from what ive tasted. peanut butter is better when its the crunchy version.
Yeah, might be a different category, but even for savory spreads I prefer a cream cheese, alioli, sobrasada or paprykarz.
Nah, creamy PB is better and I will fight you on that. Creamy PB is better for ants on a log, it’s better on ice cream, it’s better for dipping or making into sauces, it’s better on sandwiches too. Thick layer of creamy PB, black raspberry jam, and some honey-wheat whole grain bread, and I’m in heaven.
Crunchy PB is better at one thing and one thing only, and that is staying in the jar.
Biscoff butter is great. Absolutely horrendously unhealthy IIRC, but tastes great.
Also, there are so many chocolate spreads out there that are a hundred times better than Nutella nowadays, don’t sell your palate short!I buy ovomaltine, it has little crunchy bits and a nice aroma.
The trick to peanut butter on toast is to butter the toast with cow butter first
Also the trick to extra good PB&J
Can I use milk butter instead?
Yes, but not butter milk
Also, depends what the milk is made of
My wife has a severe nut allergy. We have tried wow butter and I have to be frank, it’s maybe somewhat similar to the shitty ultra processed refined sugar peanut butter but just barely, and you’re bang on about the aftertaste. It’s sickly.
We much prefer Sun Butter (the no sugar added variety).
But if I’m being honest that also isn’t quite the right taste substitute for peanut butter either, but it’s the closest I’ve tried.
Sun Butter? Is that made from sunflower seeds? I’ve had fake Reese’s cups that were made from sunflower seed butter rather than peanuts. I thought it was pretty good.
It is!
Actual shit. I was rimming my boyfriend and he had thought he cleaned enough, he was wrong. I immediately threw up washed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. Disgusting, in case I needed to say it.
One time I got the bright idea to siphon the water out of my ~50gal aquatic turtle tank for some long overdue cleaning. I anchored one end of a water hose at the bottom of the tank and strung the other end out into the yard and proceeded to start the siphoning process with my mouth. Got force fed a giant gulp of whatever got sucked off the bottom of the tank.
I’ve put some nasty shit in my mouth since then and nothing comes close.
For future reference you can siphon from a tank very easily by just filling up the tube inside the tank and then capping it with your thumb
Yeah, that’s how I drain the swamp coolers at work now. I learned a lot that day.
Another neat trick if you have a long run, is pump your siphon hose up with water from another hose until it starts coming out in the tank you want to drain. Then take the hose away and the siphon will (usually) start itself.
