• jerkface@lemmy.caEnglish
    4·
    45 minutes ago

    Jesus was way cool
    Everybody liked Jesus
    Everybody wanted to hang out with him
    Anything he wanted to do, he did
    He turned water into wine
    And if he wanted to
    He could have turned wheat into marijuana
    Or sugar into cocaine
    Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

    He walked on the water
    And swam on the land
    He would tell these stories
    And people would listen
    He was really cool

    If you were blind or lame
    You just went to Jesus
    And he would put his hands on you
    And you would be healed
    That’s so cool

    He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
    He could’ve told the future
    He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
    He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
    He could’ve danced better than Baryshnikov
    Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
    Jesus was way cool
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    He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
    That’s so cool
    Jesus was so cool
    But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
    So they killed him
    But then he rose from the dead
    He rose from the dead, danced around
    Then went up to heaven
    I mean, that’s so cool
    Jesus was way cool

    No wonder there are so many Christians

  • Egg_Egg@lemm.ee
    1·
    51 minutes ago

    Jesus is said to be God, therefore he should be omnipotent and capable of literally anything we could comprehend as humans, or even more than that even.

    Obviously it’s all bullshit but yeah.

  • just_an_average_joe@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    1·
    2 hours ago

    I don’t think so, the premise is that water can be converted to wine. Water here does not mean the chemical composition (ie h2o) but rather as a concept. So once water is converted the whole of it is refered to as “wine”. If you were to separate it into components you can do so but they won’t be called wine. Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.

    Another caveat, water is more than just h2o ie, what we usually refer to as “water” can contain many things like minerals, salt and even bacteria etc, in fact i doubt you can get pure h2o easily.

  • Allero@lemmy.today
    13·
    17 hours ago

    Everyone’s focused on whether Jesus can do it or not while completely forgetting regular people can do that

    Just, remove the water, c’mon.

    • Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de
      1·
      10 minutes ago

      You need a distillery and a fair bit of knowledge what to do for that. Ethanol boils off faster than water, so if you just simmer it down, you get more wine flavor, but less alcohol (still enough to get you drunk, see christmas markets).

    • Vandals_handle@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      12 hours ago

      Ruby port. Stomped with stigmata. Notes of berries, plums, Euphorbia milii, leather, plasma and iron. Strong finish.

    • Match!!@pawb.socialEnglish
      1·
      18 hours ago

      I interpreted this as “having the basic ability to take as actions would allow you to do this”, which is also true, I can ferment wine and then gradually make it more concentrated

      • Hexarei@programming.dev
        132·
        1 day ago

        The easiest answer to this is yes, he could create a stone he couldn’t lift. And then he could lift it anyway.

      • dwindling7373@feddit.itEnglish
        14·
        1 day ago

        Unironically the question by witch many Christian faiths differ: does God needs abide to the rules of logic or not?

        For the Roman Catholic, yes, for Calvinists and a bunch other (ok, many other but I’m not an expert), no.

        • fsxylo@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          12·
          1 day ago

          Answer: whatever causes the person you’re arguing with to throw their hands up and storm off more exasperated…

          • dwindling7373@feddit.itEnglish
            8·
            1 day ago

            No, not really, it’s mostly a matter of power.

            The Church itself is rooted in the idea that there are autorities on matter of faith and they adopted the Platonical Agostinean idea that faith is empowered by reason. Reason being a valid tool means you have experts that reasoned a lot about religion and people that know less and needs to be taught, ultimately by the Pope.

            The “other” side tends to reject authorities, and take the words of the bible as sobjected to personal interpretation or, to an extent, make it into some sort of magical object that the faithfull subjects itself to, without questions. Accepting the contradictions, the illogal parts, are what that kind of faith is about because to question (throught reasoning) God is a Sin.

        • ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
          2·
          22 hours ago

          Calvanists the ones that say since god is all powerful there can be no free will/everything is decided don’t apply logic?

          • dwindling7373@feddit.itEnglish
            2·
            22 hours ago

            That’s the one, funnily enough in a perverted twist, they tend to see wealth as a sign that God has picked them as favourites (graced them) and they storically gravitated toward seeing poor people as, well, sinners, even thought their principles state that anyone could be graced or not no matter the more evident aspects of life.

  • jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    261·
    1 day ago

    "And on the third day, there was a wedding in Cana. Jesus’ mother was there. When the wine was drunk, Jesus’ mother said to him, ‘We’re out of wine.’ ‘Bruh… That’s a big yikes. But why do I care?’, replied Jesus.

    Jesus mother instructed the servants, ‘you just do whatever he tells you no matter how stupid it sounds.’ Jesus sighed and turned to the servants saying, ’ Okay. You see those jars? Nope. Not that one. The big ones. Yeah. Those big ones over there. Go fill them up with water. All the way up. Then take some of the water and give it to the host."

    The servants were more than a little skeptical but shrugged and did as they were told. When the host of the wedding feast tasted the water, it had become wine. And the host exclaimed, “Damn! That is some good shit. Where did you get that from?” And the servants were amazed because they knew from where the wine came.

    And the servants implored Jesus, 'Do it again! No, wait. Can you make something stronger this time?"

    – The Gospel According to [Skibidi] John