Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.

  • MadMaurice@discuss.tchncs.de
    52·
    11 months ago

    “Satellites block God’s ability to watch us”

    The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.

  • BananaPeal@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    49·
    11 months ago

    This is the right amount of crazy that I’m not sure if it’s honest or parody for this country.

    Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he’s in my heart, checkmate atheists.

    • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
      1·
      11 months ago

      No, you’re mistaken. Lonnie is on the Right, which means his satellites reflect and amplify prayers. Or at least get a pass. He hates LGBTQ people, so he’s “good.” /s

      • SlopppyEngineer@discuss.tchncs.de
        2·
        11 months ago

        No need for /s because that’s exactly how it works.

        “If you hate the right people and say the right things, you are Good People, and Good People can’t do no wrong. If you’re not one of the Good People, you can do no right. Laws and rationalizations are there to punish those that are not Good People.”

    • Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de
      6·
      11 months ago

      yes but he doesn’t want to interfere with our precious free will, starvation and rape be damned

      we just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps

  • LifeBandit666@feddit.ukEnglish
    312·
    11 months ago

    Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.

    I mean this God of theirs is shit, can’t even get around satellites, didn’t think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a removed and he was God incarnate.

    Also God invented Cancer.

    • GNU Dude@lemmy.world
      3·
      11 months ago

      Jesus fucking a prostitute. I’m interested. Never read the bible so I don’t know about it, but I’m curious.

      • prole@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        133·
        11 months ago

        Mary Magdalene. It’s never explicitly stated in the canonical Bible (as if that means anything), but they were very close.

        • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
          2·
          11 months ago

          There does seem to be an effort made to get rid of her by the early church followers. Implying that she was a removed could have been a strategy. It’s weird because the Johannine community tried to save her in text. Which would mean it was the Paul crowd that did it and there is not a clear reason why. She would have had little interactions with the Paul community.

            • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
              1·
              11 months ago

              The Bible. What do you want from me?

              The Christ confessor in Mark, Luke, and Matthew is Peter while Mary gets to go to the cave. In John the Christ confessor is Mary and she gets to go to the cave. The early church fathers liked to really play up her supposed life of being a removed before repentance. Meanwhile Paul hints at her existence and says nice things about her. At the same time Mark makes her so dumb she “tells no one” about what would be the single most important moment in Christianity while Luke and Matthew give her a helper to make the right decision.

              It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what happened but there is a trend. She goes from being a major leader of the earliest church to a removed that Jesus saves and is too stupid to know what she saw. If I had to take a bet: she was part of the very early church, funded and organized a lot, and had some falling out probably with someone from Paul’s community. So Mark tried to memoryhole her and would have done it except John had some story about how she rocked and saved her.

                • afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world
                  1·
                  11 months ago

                  Christ confessor: the person who answers Jesus when he asks who I am for the first time. Check for yourself the first three gospels it is Peter the fourth it is Mary.

                  The endings of Mark wasn’t part of the original. They were attempts at harmonizing the text. The original ending ends with Mary fleeing the tomb and telling no one.

          • prole@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
            1·
            11 months ago

            True. If only the was more than one story from his life between being a child, and being in his 30s… Oh well I guess we’ll just have to assume he lived as a monk and denied himself of anything pleasurable 🙄

            Though I recently learned that there is a book about it, it’s just that it wasn’t chosen to be “canonical,” and therefore means you can ignore it completely? Curiously, Jesus does some really fucked up things in that book, including showing off his powers, and killing people just to bring them back to life. The Infancy Gospel of Thomas is the book btw.

            Who gets to decide that book isn’t true but the rest are?

              • prole@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
                1·
                11 months ago

                When were Matthew, Mark, Luke and John written?

                Here, let me save you a quick Google:

                The Gospel of Mark probably dates from c. AD 66–70, Matthew and Luke around AD 85–90, and John AD 90–110. Despite the traditional ascriptions, all four are anonymous and most scholars agree that none were written by eyewitnesses.

                Oh look at that.

                after Jesus had already left Earth

                Lol ok bud. Whatever delusion makes you happy.

  • FerbFletcher@reddthat.com
    291·
    11 months ago

    This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
      15·
      11 months ago

      (4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.

        • chriscz@iusearchlinux.fyi
          4·
          11 months ago

          If this works then whomever is being convinced, should be convinced, as it clarifies where the idiocy-non-idiocy line is.

          • blind3rdeye@lemm.ee
            2·
            11 months ago

            Nar man. It isn’t all about idiocy. Not everyone has your level of education; and even aside from that, people tend to grab bits and pieces of ideas that support what they already believe.

            So if someone believes in god and the power of pray etc. but they feel that life still isn’t going there way - they might see some value in this ‘reason’. And even if this evil satellite thing is still implausible, a person might take bits of the idea to make their own version about something / someone else blocking prays. It could be 4G radiation, or vaccine microchips, or some other boogieman crap. It all feeds into a persons broader ‘understanding’ of how things could be even if they don’t take in the whole idea.

            You and I are basically immune to this particular post. It just looks like total garbage immediately. But it is incorrect and dangerous to think that only ‘idiots’ can be conned or tricked. All it takes is for someone to post ideas on the boundaries of what you understand, with a taste of what you want to hear. That’s what hooks people in. For smart and educated people, that boundary of understanding can be pretty far in - but it still exists, and that’s where the manipulation can still get them.

            • chriscz@iusearchlinux.fyi
              2·
              11 months ago

              Yeah, I hear you, but this is a person that is unconscious, I mean if they’re using the internet to post stuff, have they even thought or tried to understand one iota of what the hell is going on?

              I’ve met some smart people that make these reasoning errors because they want to believe that phenomena just cannot be complex. Not even I’m excluded from these errors, I’m also just human.

              I can sympathize with uneducated people and them grasping for fictitious enemies because they lack control of and in their own lives.

              What makes things even worse is that this is supposed a pastor, and he’s using his authority to spread this bullcrap.

              I’m not immune to this type of misinformed and irrational thinking, but I think my confusion results from more sophisticated material in many cases, that being said I still hold irrational ideas around conspiracies, but I don’t hold them as gospel, merely as possibiliry.

              Unfortunately even us educated people might not be spared when generative AI begins to rewrite our history in each of our 5 senses and leaves us no way to look back in time to find the ground truth.

      • FerbFletcher@reddthat.com
        1·
        11 months ago

        My take is that this qualifies as having no real grasp of Christianity. But I wouldn’t argue hard against this being a separate option

    • niktemadur@lemmy.world
      4·
      11 months ago

      If there’s something the internet has confirmed since its’ inception, is that humanity is both incredibly clever and incredibly stupid, in equal measure, beyond what I ever imagined was possible, beyond what I could conceive.

      • nickwitha_k (he/him)@lemmy.sdf.org
        6·
        11 months ago

        Exactly. Everyone knows that Jesus navigates based his position relative to the the absolute position of celestial bodies. That and there is no way that a simple, unarmored satelite would make it past his point-defense batteries and compromise his re-entry trajectory.

    • AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee
      1·
      11 months ago

      It’s clearly a joke. But it’s not that much more ridiculous than what many Christians actually believe. That’s the joke.

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
    26·
    11 months ago

    All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥

  • 768@sh.itjust.works
    20·
    11 months ago

    That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God’s ability to punish people by lightning.

      • 768@sh.itjust.works
        1·
        11 months ago

        I consider these associations of QOL improvements with mythical characteristics attempts of narrative control, with which religious leaders could exert power over new developments. My assumption is that previously, organised religions were powerful and agile enough in their narrative that those new development could be held in control of the religion, but with the beginning of exponential and distributed knowledge production they were kinda outnumbered and became as weird as they are today. I have no motivation or sources to back this up, though.

  • matlag@sh.itjust.works
    223·
    11 months ago

    I kind of hope it’s real. Down that path at some point they’ll decide the whole Internet and all modern technologies are satanist and leave Internet for good. They can embrace the Amish lifestyle, it’s a win for the rest of us.

  • capital@lemmy.world
    212·
    11 months ago

    Ok everyone stop upvoting and downvoting. We’ve reached the perfect score.